Partnered men, have you had a 3way with your partner? Was is damaging?

[arpeggi]

I've been partnered for nearly three years now. On multiple occasions, he has joked about "bringing a boy back from the pub", or getting a straight friend to come to bed with us. The opportunity has never really presented itself, but I can't tell if it's something he would consider seriously, or even pursue. It's never been discussed outside of those jokes/drunken suggestions.

We have certainly have had sex less often over the past year or two, maybe three times a week now. But it's really only good when I top and he bottoms. Which isn't bad. In fact it's usually great. I do bottom occasionally (rarely), and it has been really good a couple times. But it is often too painful for me and he gets frustrated and loses his erection. He's a good bottom for me and I'm a good top for him, and that's our dynamic. I often want to bottom, but it doesn't click well with him, and he might say the same. I know he would like to top far more often then he does. Sometimes I think it would be fun to experience sex with a third party, where we both get something we don't normally with each other, but are together.

I just don't know how to bring it up. TV, movies, and friends would have me believe it is very common among gay men. Does it really happen as organically as they would have me believe? Or are partners actively pursuing third parties together? It just seems like an awkward and potentially damaging thing to pursue in a relationship. I wouldn't want to meet someone and find out they are attracted to one and not both of us. And I don't want to pursue someone on my own. I don't think an open relationship would work with us and I have no interest in cheating. I feel like if I brought it up to him, he would think I'm not attracted to him anymore and want to have sex with multiple people.

 

[QueenxElsa]

Well, just throwing it out there. Just say 'Maybe we could try having someone with in sex so you and I can enjoy each others company while fulfilling both our needs, if you don't want to we can always try sex toys to loosen each other up'
Though am no expert on relationships, since I never been in one.

 

[Disturbance]

Open relationships and couples who have threesomes are way less common than TV shows or forums would have you believe.

My opinion on the matter is that if any of you feel even the smallest degree of discomfort about theese things, don't engage in them.
If your sex life is not satisfactory, consider spicing it up, maybe without anal sex. There are many things you can try.
Sex can be made better, it is a matter of effort and discipline.

I think first of all, you should come to terms with yourself about threesomes. My opinion is that your partner is already interested in them, because the remarks he made obviously point that way.

Discuss your doubts with him, and if you feel like you are allright with trying, go for it, but don't expect anything extreemely great. Like many sex related stuff, threesomes are also way overestimated.
I am prone to oppose any non-monogamous interaction, but if you think thay may be the solution for your problems, giving it a try may offer you more insight and experience.

I wish you luck.

 

[eastofeden]

I think there is no right answer...just a right answer for you.

I have had three ways with all of my boyfriends except for one...and when I was young and insecure still I had some problems with it but later in life the same situation freed me from my insecurities and I think inner freedom is priceless.

So...it depends on the both of you. If you do it...even with the best frame of mind...you could have unexpected feelings and you will have to deal with them if/when they manifest themselves. It can damage a relationship...or make it stronger.

The sex can be great...or lousy..or anything in between. I have always thought the best part was the fantasy as your mind is the biggest sex organ. I think fantasy is healthy and necessary.

 

[Gekishinken]

Threesomes can easily destroy relationships. If you are going to do it, my recommendation is this....

Do it when you're away on a vacation with him, bring someone back and have fun. That way you both can get enjoyment without having to worry about ever seeing the person again. Jealousy is the main issue that crops up in threesomes.

 

[bruce379]

I've had open relationships before. Having sex outside of your bf is only possible if you have absolute trust on each other. You treat sex only as something to do because you have moved beyond sex in the sense that both of you are secure of each other emotionally.

My ex and I would sometimes look for a guy for a threesome. It was always fun. I was never jealous that he would hook up with others because I already knew that. Same with me. I've had so many threesomes with him. I would sometimes find my ex fucking with a guy he brought home. Sometimes I'd join in if I'm into the guy, sometimes not. We loved cruising guys.

We broke up not because of jealousy or anything sex related but because of character flaws and incompatibility. We are still friends though and he is still a slut. He has a new bf that they've been together for 7 yrs. It's a don't ask don't tell situation. Both of them know that they sometimes hook up on the side but it's more or less an open secret that never gets talked about. Hey, 7 yrs. They must be doing something right!

I also know of several couples, at least 4 couples, in open relationships that are at least 10 yrs. strong. They both get all the sex they want and are happy about it. They'd go to sex parties all the time. Some of them would go alone. The only unwritten rule is safe sex. And one couple who rarely have sex together but find sex outside their relationship. One is into young guys, while the other is satisfied with having sex only with his partner whenever it suits him, like once a month or every 2 months.

So, yeah. If you're the jealous type, don't. But if you both love each other unconditionally and trust each other with your ATM pin number, then yeah, the sex is so fucking amazing.

 

[Ninja108]

I won't engage in them myself. IMO, if it's at the point you need to rbing someone else in to spice up the relationship,it's already in trouble.
More to the point, I don't like the idea of sharing him with someone else.
If you are going to do it, do what others have said, do it abroad where you know you won't see the person again.

 

[bankside]

I don't hook up. I only find physical relationships erotic when there is also an emotional connection because I've already fucked a sock and the sofa cushion and a watermelon in my lifetime. I would only find a three-way erotic if it were just as hot for everyone involved. My guy and I have different taste in men. Thus it would take a unicorn to make this work.

 

[EJMichaels]

I'm not a man, but I've been partnered with one for a long time. It's fun, not damaging for us, but not something I'd recommend to everyone, for reasons of jealousy and how people think about intimacy.

... On multiple occasions, he has joked about "bringing a boy back from the pub", or getting a straight friend to come to bed with us...

...I just don't know how to bring it up.

That one might be covered.

...Does it really happen as organically as they would have me believe? Or are partners actively pursuing third parties together?

With us, it's a relatively organic progression when we're with friends who share our interests. One is an old friend of his and it usually starts as massage. Another is an old friend of mine. Others are a few people we know from kinky parties we attend regularly (same group of people). We're not out looking -- just happens when the situation is right. We don't always have sex when we see those same people. It's more about friendship and sharing, not trying to get the most sex possible.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yes. I've had a threeway, no it didn't affect my relationship.

You bring it up by bringing it up. You might start with clarifying where you both stand on the subject of boundaries and monogamy.