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People Aren't Stupid! Or Are we Just Obvious

Jo-thin

Jo-thin

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Hello Guys :wave:

Well here is my problem, me and my Boyfriend have been dating for 6 months now! Every chance I could go see him, I take advantage of it!
Now..... he's pretty much out people know he is gay because of his myspace me in the other hand I'm still in the closet only comin out to 3 to 4 people! Well my boyfriends cousin which is in my band told one of his friends and that friend told another and it lead out about me and my boyfriend dating! Apparently people knew for a good month I didn't know they had an idea! They still act the same, My main problem is when I found out people knew I denied it and confronted them about me not dating a guy! They're like "Ok well either your gay/bi or straight you'll always be my homeboy" I still deny it! :mad:

I don't want people to know! My reason is I don't want them to think I'm coming on to them, I came out to a friend a year ago and no one knew about me! That's because he kept it to himself.

Another thing is my mom isn't stupid! She can see what's going on! My mom ask me why does he come over every weekend are ya'll gay? And of course I'll deny it! I'm sure my mom has an idea! She found my lube !oops! I even over heard her talking about to my dad saying "they could be gay together" That made me so depressed! O told my boyfriend that we need to stop seeing each other for awhile but he cries because he Thinks I'm breaking up with him but I love him too much to do that! Plus within 1 day or 2 I'll see him again or I'll have him come over.

I need advice guys! What should I do? :help:
 
It's too late to go back in the closet, you've already been outed! Even your mom knows. So just relax and accept who you are.

It's also really hard to maintain a relationship when your partner is out and you're not. (I know, I've been there.)

So have a talk with your boyfriend. Tell him "I really want to come out like you did, but I'm scared. Can you help me?" It will only make you stronger as a couple.
 
So what is the problem?

If everyone knows you're gay, the only person you're hiding it from is yourself.

And even you seem to suspect that you're a homo.

It must be tiresome spending so much energy pretending.

I've spent my life as a successful gay man.

You can too.
 
rareboy said:
So what is the problem?

If everyone knows you're gay, the only person you're hiding it from is yourself.
Click to expand...

^^^ QFT

It's really disrespectful to lie to your friends. Especially when they ask you flat out and they've already accepted you as gay without having it change the way they feel about you.

How about this: the next time a friend asks you if you are gay, say, "Well, I'm dating a guy I really like. I'm not comfortable saying that I am gay because I don't want to change the way my friends feel about me and I don't want my guy friends to think I'm going to make a pass at them."

It's honest. And it gets the truth out there for discussion.
 
just need to admitted it to your self. Why do you have to hide from ad your friends will know your not going to make a
pass at them. There not stupid. Just say yeah I got a bf. Thts all they have already accepted you for who you are don't lie to them wen they know the answer it wii make things worse
 
One thing that amazes me about a lot of gay guys is that they think no one knows. I have an acquaintance who is pretty obviously gay who has this lesbian "on call" every time he needs an escort to a business function to pass as straight. Hello! He's as gay as the day is long and everyone knows it. He's only making a fool out of himself.

Your friends know. Your mother knows. Your denials insult their intelligence and are dishonest. You know it, they know it. They are making it pretty clear that they'd accept you--they just want to know what's going on with you, probably because they care.

It seems you are the one who's the most uncomfortable with you being gay. That's pretty common, actually. But, hiding in the closet and pretending you're not something that you are is helping no one--not you, your boyfriend, nor the friends and family closest to you. I'm afraid the gig is up. The sooner you're honest with yourself and everyone around you, the sooner you'll find some peace and happiness in all this.

Good luck. I know this part of it is not easy.
 
Are you still in that metal band? And you're STILL denying it? Guess it's time for another gargoyle pep talk.

Stop treating your boyfriend like a shameful secret. Because he's not the problem. Your lack of a backbone is the problem. Your fear of rejection is the problem.

You know how guys in metal bands act on stage? Defiant. Feet firmly planted, faces set into that deep-in-concentration scowl, scanning the crowd with a look that says "Yes, we're singing a song about sacrificing to the goat god. You have a problem with that?"

Take a cue. "Yes, this is my boyfriend. Do you have a problem with that?" Because just as nobody laughs when you sing about the goat god, nobody is going to demean you for having a boyfriend. Why would your friends think you're coming on to them? You've got a boyfriend. You're saying "THIS is the guy I have sex with."

Get on it. Now. Before your boyfriend wises up and finds a guy to be with who isn't going to treat him like an afterthought.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Are you still in that metal band? And you're STILL denying it? Guess it's time for another gargoyle pep talk.

Stop treating your boyfriend like a shameful secret. Because he's not the problem. Your lack of a backbone is the problem. Your fear of rejection is the problem.

You know how guys in metal bands act on stage? Defiant. Feet firmly planted, faces set into that deep-in-concentration scowl, scanning the crowd with a look that says "Yes, we're singing a song about sacrificing to the goat god. You have a problem with that?"

Take a cue. "Yes, this is my boyfriend. Do you have a problem with that?" Because just as nobody laughs when you sing about the goat god, nobody is going to demean you for having a boyfriend. Why would your friends think you're coming on to them? You've got a boyfriend. You're saying "THIS is the guy I have sex with."

Get on it. Now. Before your boyfriend wises up and finds a guy to be with who isn't going to treat him like an afterthought.

Lex
Click to expand...







yes I am still in the band and I'm the front man now! ..|
I see what you mean! I see what all of you guys mean! I know I'm lying to myself! I don't know what I'm so ashamed about it! I'll definitely admit if I'm approached about it! Seriously! I mean they've all accepted me! ALL of em none
change (FROM WHAT I SEE)
Thanks (*8*)
 
Eagle653 said:
One thing that amazes me about a lot of gay guys is that they think no one knows.
Click to expand...

Well when people found out they were "No really? That's so surprising"
Ya know? They can't see me kissing another guy from what they said!
So they believed me when I said I wasn't which I regret saying now
because I won't bring it up myself, only if they will
 
Jo-thin said:
Well when people found out they were "No really? That's so surprising"
Ya know? They can't see me kissing another guy from what they said!
So they believed me when I said I wasn't which I regret saying now
because I won't bring it up myself, only if they will
Click to expand...
I can't argue the point because you know the people to whom you refer, and I don't.

I will just say, though, that people say those things all the time...to be polite and not to let on that they either knew or suspected for some time (because to do so opens a whole new can of worms of "why didn't you say something sooner?")

A quick case in point...I have a friend I went to high school with who swears that "no one" suspects he's gay. Countless mutual friends have suspected for years and have even asked me about it (in which case, I refer them to him). Then, when he's told them, they act all surprised and "shocked" and then he comes back to me and it reinforces his delusional belief that he's fooled the world. What I can do...just smile and say "that's nice."
 
If I were you I wouldn't wait for them to approach you about it again, because they won't.

My mum asked me when I was 14 (she had seen some sites I had been looking at) and I told her no. That was 5 years ago and she hasn't asked me again... although i wish she would because I want to tell her that yes I am gay.

How exactly do you bring the gay bomb into play?
 
>>>How exactly do you bring the gay bomb into play?

If you're dating somebody, it's easy. You call him "my boyfriend" and refer to your going out together as "a date". :)

Lex
 
Jo-thin said:
Ya know? They can't see me kissing another guy from what they said!
Click to expand...

Does anyone actually picture their friends kissing anyone- male or female? :D

Nor- after all these years - can I get used to seeing two men or two women doing ballroom dancing or country-western dancing. #-o
 
I know I lied not only to my best friends but to myself!
Only one of my friends know and I posted about that like a year ago! He supports me either way! If I choose to tell or not. Now I'll definitely feel stupid when I admit it! But whose fault is that..... Mine!
 
scains said:
If I were you I wouldn't wait for them to approach you about it again, because they won't.

My mum asked me when I was 14 (she had seen some sites I had been looking at) and I told her no. That was 5 years ago and she hasn't asked me again... although i wish she would because I want to tell her that yes I am gay.

How exactly do you bring the gay bomb into play?
Click to expand...

well Since I don't say a thing about it I would hold my boyfriend in front of them! Like I did in front of my guitarist, he didn't react towards it! He's pretty cool
 
Jo, if you write on AIM or on e-mails like you do on here, they know you're gay. The exclaimation points say it all. And if you ever type the worlds, "ya know?" in e-mails, yeah gay ;)

It seems futile to lie when everyone knows this man in your life is gay. If he were not around then yea, but he clearly is visible in your life.

next time just say, I'm not buy my boyfriend is.
 
spencer said:
Jo, if you write on AIM or on e-mails like you do on here, they know you're gay. The exclaimation points say it all. And if you ever type the words, "ya know?" in e-mails, yeah gay ;)



:D well I got used to "ya know" because of my straight friend! He uses that a lot and I came out to him a year ago thinking he was gay/bi because the things he'd say to me, but it's a good thing he's straight because it made me realize that not all "straight" guys are the same when it comes to gays/bis he still treats me the exact same! He even gives me advice about gay/bi situations! (*8*)

But I do see what you mean, but I'm masculine too, I'm not flamboyant at all just a positive rocker that loves to view the bright side of life
Click to expand...
 
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