People dont belive that I'm gay...

[RicanDAB]

Sounds like you live in a fairly small town. That does not seem to happen a lot in larger cities where there is exposure to all types of gay male personalities and mannerisms. You're right tho, TV has not helped kill stereotypes in general.

Oh ... to JUB!

 

[mcdaddy]

I am going through the exact same thing. PM me if you wanna talk.
People around me assume I'm straight and get fucked up when I continually assert that I'm not.
One thing that is not particularly helping my case is that I dated a lot of girls before I came out. One girl, in particular, has gotten me a bit of attention, as she was the R.A. in my building. Somehow it gets awkward when people know of you because of something like that and then you pull the rug out from under them.
Also a point of interest is that I have a straight roommate how is, stereotypically, much gayer than I am. He has more clothes than I do. He drinks Mike's Hard Lemonades, I drink beer and Jack Daniels. He has martini glasses, I have shot glasses. You see my point.

 

[kidwithathorn]

I have long hair that's been dyed oh say around 10 or 20 times and people still sorta shit them selves when I say I'm not completly straight. I find it funny. I blame the fact that I'm tall and like to do martial arts, though I don't know how that attributes to me bering straight. It couldn't be the fact that I've dated a woman. I haven't dated a female and about 3 years. It still suprises them, they just think that I've taken a vow or chasity. 0.o. Oh well it's funny.

 

[tonyboy]

I am openly gay, people are not very used to it around here. And the last person calling me a fagot ended up on the ground...
People where I live see a gay man as someone in "queer eye for a straight guy". And people expect gays to be "flam boys" and dye their hair and wear make up and dance all night.
I hate dancing but I love boxing, its a hobby of mine. I don't feel like going in to details but people always get shocked and say that I don't "seem gay". whatever that means.
I don't wear make up, I don't even shave properly some times. I don't fix my hair I have it short cut.

I blame TV that stereotypes us. Is anyone else having this problem? some people still thinks I'm kidding around!

I'm not openly gay.... but the fact that I've not very often been seen with a girl does lead some people to expect I may be.
No one would know I was gay buy looking at me, or talking to me.
I've heard stuff all my life from straight guys talking about us queers, fags, bum buddies, etc.
As if all guys that have sex like anal sex.... well, I don't. Just cause a guy is gay doesn't mean he wants to fuck another guy.
The truth is that flamboyant gay guys are obvious..... they wear makeup and talk and walk like they are gay. They cannot help it, that's just who they are.
The gay pride parades that are televised on the local tv new don't help matters too much. Of course they always focus on the extremely fem guys, the ones that are openly gay and act that way.
I don't mind those guys that act that way.... that is their nature.
What bugs me so much is that most people always figure us to be the same.... all of us want to seduce their little kids, or that we all like to engage in bum fucking.
I was suspected of being gay at a place I worked at once..... this old dude came up to me while he was changing from his work clothes in to his regular clothes.... he stood right in front of me and unbuttoned his shirt.... It was disgusting.
He figured I was gay and was trying to get a reaction out of me..... like I'd drop to my knees and try to give him a blow job right in the shop.
I ignored him of course, kept on reading the book I had in hand.

I'm just blowing off steam right now. I'm in a horrible mood.... just using jub to try to help me get back to normal.

 

[sibersan]

Yea, i hate people that thinks certain kind of people act a certain why.
I'm gay and i'm azn. People who i would recently become friends would, would sometime say "i cant figure you out" cuz i dont go by any of the stereotype that people thing of azn or a gay person. While friends that knows me well enough, says "your <my name>, that's who you are"

 

[-Lance-]

Yay people think I'm straight all the time...... lol


I would just laugh it off if I were you. After awhile they will take you seriously, they just think you are joking right now. That's becuase they dont know any better.

 

[Justice Smith]

azn is chat speak for Asian.

 

[LeoMikey]

This happens to me sometimes too, but i just laugh it off. My boyfriend and i don't fit the narrow stereotype either, and i love it. You can really fuck with straight people's minds! And let's face it, some people deserve it. Last month we were on our way to the beach, and i was driving with the top down. We were sitting at a red light when a car load of girls pulls up next to us. They were obviously flirting and giggling, and i told them we were a couple and not interested in the nicest way i could. They just laughed and did'nt believe me. So my guy just leaned over and we started kissing and groping. The light turned green, and these girls were so freaked out, they tore away fast shouting insults. Other people around us either gave us nasty looks, were laughing hard, or shouting insults and threats. I live in Connecticut, so what do you expect? At least nobody tried to hit my car or shoot us!
So next time some ignorant bozo tells you that you don't seem gay, just tell them "you should see me fucking my boyfriend!" It cracks me up that i'm supposed to be like some guy you would see on "Queer As Folk" dancing in a leather thong to that shitty music at Babylon! I'm an individual, the way we all should be.

 

[spreadeagle]

Heterosexuality is the default position. People assume you are straight unless they have direct evidence to the contrary. The desire to conform, fit in and be accepted has a powerful effect on human behaviour. Another motivating factor is homophobia. So heterosexuals and closeted homosexuals, because they are so scared of looking different, do their best to look just like everyone else. This leaves it up to those beyond the mainstream to vary their look in order to differentiate themselves.

The delicious irony is that because gays are trendsetters and straights have so little imagination each 'look' that is adopted by gays (earrings, moustaches, waxing etc) moves quickly into the mainstream. And while the straight men are still lying in the beauty salon having their 'sack, crack and back' we're off busy inventing the next new thing. This leaves the poor dears very confused because what they're wearing today is what they thought meant you were gay yesterday.

Bewildered at the increasing breadth of the mainstream they're reduced to identifying 'gay' with the exotic creatures who inhabit the banks. If they recognised the gay men in their midst who are just like them then they would have to question their own sexuality.

 

[G-Lexington]

This isn't TV's fault. It's simple ignorance. You're apparently a trailblazer - an open homosexual in a land where such things are unheard of. I don't run into that problem (well, I do on extremely rare occasions), and it's not like those TV shows aren't available here. It's just we have plenty of openly gay people here, most people know one or more, and therefore they have a better grasp of what it's all about. TV's job is to entertain, not educate - the education may fall to you by default.

I found a saying that I found so helpful, I put it on a T-shirt. It reads:

YOUR MISCONCEPTIONS ARE NOT MY PROBLEM

If the people in your town want to stare at you blank-faced because you're not a hairdresser or live at A&F, that really isn't your problem - it's theirs. You can set them straight if you so desire, but that's entirely up to you. The best education for them may be simply for you to continue living a fun, gay life completely as YOU see fit. They'll catch on eventually.

...and welcome to JUB!

Lex

 

[electrostar]

I have told two friends that I'm gay, both didn't seem to believe me... And one still thinks I'm straight and believes that I just need to do more things with girls... not happening...

When I do decide to come out, I'm going to cop it a lot, especially at work, because I'm the one who calls other guys "girls" for not doing something cause its too greasy or because their not strong enough etc. And usually every week I'm working on cars and getting very dirty... I definitely don't fit the stereotype.

The problem is, most people only notice the flamers and therefore this is what most people picture "gays" to be. Not just normal guys. Unfortunately, I too believed that to be gay you had to be a flamer, which is probably why it took me so long to accept my sexuality. F*cking stereotypes.

 

[Shepherd 2]

Bottom line, sorry for that expression,
but not "people don't believe that I'm gay."
Do you believe that you are gay?
Then be who you are, and do not appologize
if you do not fit some stereotypes, in any town
or in any country or rural setting.
Be you. You are not alone.

Denial is not a river in Egypt?
Shep+

 

[boy0boy]

I have told two friends that I'm gay, both didn't seem to believe me... And one still thinks I'm straight and believes that I just need to do more things with girls... not happening...

When I do decide to come out, I'm going to cop it a lot, especially at work, because I'm the one who calls other guys "girls" for not doing something cause its too greasy or because their not strong enough etc. And usually every week I'm working on cars and getting very dirty... I definitely don't fit the stereotype.

The problem is, most people only notice the flamers and therefore this is what most people picture "gays" to be. Not just normal guys. Unfortunately, I too believed that to be gay you had to be a flamer, which is probably why it took me so long to accept my sexuality. F*cking stereotypes.

Yeah you do seem to be pretty "straight" electrostar. Even though saying that makes me shudder since its horrible to assume, you know...

But yeah I tend to agree witht he whole idea "people will assume your straight till they have proof of otherwise."

 

[Neji]

This isn't TV's fault. It's simple ignorance. You're apparently a trailblazer - an open homosexual in a land where such things are unheard of. I don't run into that problem (well, I do on extremely rare occasions), and it's not like those TV shows aren't available here. It's just we have plenty of openly gay people here, most people know one or more, and therefore they have a better grasp of what it's all about. TV's job is to entertain, not educate - the education may fall to you by default.

I found a saying that I found so helpful, I put it on a T-shirt. It reads:

YOUR MISCONCEPTIONS ARE NOT MY PROBLEM

If the people in your town want to stare at you blank-faced because you're not a hairdresser or live at A&F, that really isn't your problem - it's theirs. You can set them straight if you so desire, but that's entirely up to you. The best education for them may be simply for you to continue living a fun, gay life completely as YOU see fit. They'll catch on eventually.

...and welcome to JUB!

Lex

It seems like the effeminate ones tend to get all the attention no matter how much the regular guys are out so I wouldn't say it's either of our faults but the misinformed people that tend to pay only attention to the flamers and perceive all to be like them.

 

[bwbw86]

Looks like every guy on this forum is self described as "straight acting." I've still yet to meet a guy that fits that description. My guess is a lot of you are lying to yourselves.

I'll probably piss a lot of people off by saying this but hey I do it too. I become so wrapped up and proud of my "straight-actingness" that I wind up forgetting who I really am. Sometimes I wonder if I really was myself, what would I be like?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Looks like every guy on this forum is self described as "straight acting." I've still yet to meet a guy that fits that description. My guess is a lot of you are lying to yourselves.

I don't know about all that. Most people I told were stunned. I've had several co-workers work with me for over a year - and in close proximity - without ever catching on. One of my friends nicknamed me "StealthFag".

That said, there's no "act" in me "acting straight". I don't wear T-shirts and jeans, or speak with a low voice, or listen to rock music as an affection. I do it because that's what I am, or that's what I like. I do have a few effeminite traits - I do this weird "flourish" when I point at something, and on rare occasions, when I laugh, I end up giggling like a schoolgirl. I don't mind these things - I let them happen. But I guess they're overwhelmed by my "straight" ones. My brother (who is straight) has a few more "gay traits" than I do. We've decided that these traits are "quirks" if you're straight, or "proof" if you're gay.

Lex

 

[dousedfirepants]

Looks like every guy on this forum is self described as "straight acting." I've still yet to meet a guy that fits that description. My guess is a lot of you are lying to yourselves.

I'll probably piss a lot of people off by saying this but hey I do it too. I become so wrapped up and proud of my "straight-actingness" that I wind up forgetting who I really am. Sometimes I wonder if I really was myself, what would I be like?

I don't like using the term "straight-acting" because it's a misnomer.

Who or what defines heterosexual and homosexual behaviors?
Herd-mentality? Stereotypes? We are who we are. We don't have to indulge in stereotypes to [appear to] belong to a specific community. (I wish more people realized that.) If that were the case, we'd have very, very little variation among alleged individuals.

Thus, I don't believe that a guy's lying to himself if his behavior is unlike that of the rest of the gay community. I'm not proud of my "straight-acting," but I'm not ashamed -- that's just how I normally act.


Oh. To the original poster of this thread: I sympathize. Most of the people to whom I've come out thought I was simply asexual because I never really spoke of sexuality to my friends. I discussed aesthetics and attractiveness, but I never talked about "sex" per se...yeah.


Wow. I sound completely pompous. Sorry, everyone.

 

[expressmen]

the old saying is always true, you cannot please people. people are people, they think and say whatever they can. don't let them affect you, instead focus on yourself, in what you have. be happy. and dont worry about them. it is you who can make your own personality and destiny. shock them, show to them that you are proud and happy with whatever and whoever you are. you dont need their approval, its your life that you need to live.

much love
__________________________________

patric
http://expressmen.blogspot.com

 

[expressmen]

I don't like using the term "straight-acting" because it's a misnomer.

Who or what defines heterosexual and homosexual behaviors?
Herd-mentality? Stereotypes? We are who we are. We don't have to indulge in stereotypes to [appear to] belong to a specific community. (I wish more people realized that.) If that were the case, we'd have very, very little variation among alleged individuals.

Thus, I don't believe that a guy's lying to himself if his behavior is unlike that of the rest of the gay community. I'm not proud of my "straight-acting," but I'm not ashamed -- that's just how I normally act.


Oh. To the original poster of this thread: I sympathize. Most of the people to whom I've come out thought I was simply asexual because I never really spoke of sexuality to my friends. I discussed aesthetics and attractiveness, but I never talked about "sex" per se...yeah.


Wow. I sound completely pompous. Sorry, everyone.

i totally agree with you. everybody has their own identity.

_________________

patric
http://expressmen.blogspot.com

 

[bwbw86]

I've thought about it more and I guess I wasn't considering the whole spectrum of things.

What I've seen is a lot of guys that seemed so annoyed and disgusted by flamboyant gays that they would never admit they had any of those qualities...when they very obviously did. There's just a lot of fear to be that way.