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People keep stealing my friends whats going on

L

Lewis1

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Everytime i get close to someone someone else seems to interfere and "seduce" them & the person starts to pulll away from me.

By seduce i mean somehow offer a better friendship than me

it happens all the time even with ppul who know one talks to when i reach out to them and we become friends someone else reaches out to them and i am tossed to the side

can anyone weigh in as to what i maY be doing wrong?

this is seriously depressing & hurtful to have happen over & over again:(
 
It happens all the time. People who now are really close to you may not be as close later...

Just keep finding more friends or try to be a part of a group of friends. That way you don't feel like you own a friend
 
thank you but i dont feel like i own a friend im fine with someone else having other friends but i just feel horrible when some random person makes them forget all about me
 
I think you are just being myopic about this. They may not have dropped you, but gotten busy with other obligations in their life.

If you want better advice give us an idea of how you act around friends and back this up with examples.
 
lol i am myself (i think thats the problem)

like at school no one talked to this african kid and i started talking to him we had alot in common and we started hanging out then other people started talking to him
and ecentually it got to the point where he would be hanging out with his new friends n just walk by saying hi

i met my other friend josh at a youth shelter and were so close
and we had a college class together where he met this girl (he is gay btw)
so then our interactions happened less n less but i see him and this girl walking around campus. i always want to go over to them n say hi but i stop myself


then with my neighbors they just moved in 2 months ago and i went over to welcome them and that turned into us hanging out alot then other neighbors wanted to befriend them and we eventually. stopped hanging out but i see the other neighbors going on over their all the time and we barely talk anymore
i try reaching out again but i always feel like a nuisanc to them
 
Can't these friends of yours be close to you and close to someone else?

All of my friends have other close friends, I've always assumed that's how it always is.
 
"Seduce your friends away"? Sorry, I don't understand that.

When I make a new friend, I have no problem "sharing" him (or her). I don't have exclusive rights on them. I'd like to think I have plenty to offer that they'll want to hang out with me in addition to my other friends. Maybe they'll choose to hang out with another friend or friends of mine instead of me, in which case, cool. I hope they have a good time, and I hope to see them all again soon. And, nearly always, I do.

Lex
 
"stealing friends" doesnt sound like something that actually happens in real life.

maybe some people become friends, but then pull away once they get to know you better? could it be that youre insecure or clingy or something? i dont mean to insult you, i just think if all your friends start pulling away after a while, it has probably something to do with you and not with anybody being "stolen".
 
I believe you may be confused about what the word friend really means. A friend is not someone you just meet, friendship takes time and you build a good friendship daily. Friendship is about caring among each other and be there when one needs the other. People come and go, don't categorize them as friends immediately, there're always many people you know and may care about but friends are far less, think about it.
 
This is a tough situation to offer useful advice without a ton more information. It could be that once somebody becomes your friend, you become too clingy and needy. The would essentially smother your friend. It could be that you bring too much drama into the friend (I have no idea if you are the drama type or not, so this may not apply). It could be the type of person you are making friends with.

If you quickly develop what I would call an intense friendship (i.e. like best friends) with someone, there is a void that both of you are looking to fill. While your friends may have filled your void, you may not have been able to fill their void. If it only happened once, I would say don't worry about. Since it apparently happens over and over, you are smart to ask what you are doing wrong.

The first suggestion I would have is to seek some professional counseling. It probably won't take long for a trained professional to figure it out and give you the tools to build successful friendships.

If you don't want to follow that advice, the second suggestion is to talk to each of these people who were once your close friends. Tell them that you keep losing friends and you don't know. Ask them to be brutally honest about what you did wrong. If they are honest, you will probably see a pattern.

I also find it interesting that you felt the need to tell us "this African kid". What does he being "African" have to do with anything? You should take a hard look at yourself when you answer that question.

I wish you all the best in developing some new friendships.
 
I kind of know what you mean. Sometimes, I find myself thinking like I have to "compete" with others to stay on someone's radar.

I attribute this to 2 possible things:
1.) With long standing friends, it's just a natural drifting in interests and needs which aren't being met as well anymore.
2.) For new friends, you haven't made the sort of impression to keep their attention... yet.

I think both situations are fixable enough. But the key is to know when to pursue it, and when to leave it alone.
 
backpacker said:
I also find it interesting that you felt the need to tell us "this African kid". What does he being "African" have to do with anything? You should take a hard look at yourself when you answer that question.
Click to expand...

I think he meant foreign and wasn't trying to make a racial comment. I've found international people or anybody new to the area can be easier to talk to because they don't have any other attachments.
 
well thanks for the responses
i say steal away because it reminds me alot of when women say someone stole their man by flirting or offering something lol

but in my case its friendship

i am not a clingy person at all nor am i against ppul i am friends with having other close friends

but when the person i am becoming friends with meets someone else i always get backburnered and the friendship is never equal

i think im just to boring i mean ive always been the backburner type of guy
if ur bored and everyone else is out clubbing
call lewis & see what he is doing

if everyone is chosen on the soccer team throw a bone to lewis

if everyone turns u down see if lewis will take ya

im just tired of it

its hard to get close to someone when anything comes along and u slowly detach from me


i dunno why i said african kid i was just remembering the story how it was it has no bearing really except that he was a bit different
 
I doubt you are as boring as you think, but it may help you to get some more interests. Spend some time looking for things you really like that involve interacting with other people. It could be sports, volunteering, outdoors, who knows. If you spend more time doing things that you like which involve interacting with other people, you are likely to make friends with people who have similar interests.

Why are you just sitting around when all your friends are out doing things? When they suggest doing somethings, such as going to the clubs, do you say let's go or do you tell them why you don't want to go? I have had friends that I could suggest five things to do and they would shoot everyone down. They also wouldn't offer suggestions of what they wanted to do. People get tired of people who are negative and always finding a reason to shoot things down. I'm not sure if that applies to you, but if it does I would suggest changing it. If someone suggests something and you don't have a better idea, then go with their suggestion. It may not be your favorite activity, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing. It's probably going to be more fun than you think just because your doing it with your friends. In fact, you should call your friends and ask them to join you for some activity.

Remember, people are only boring if they choose to be boring.
 
backpacker said:
I doubt you are as boring as you think, but it may help you to get some more interests. Spend some time looking for things you really like that involve interacting with other people. It could be sports, volunteering, outdoors, who knows. If you spend more time doing things that you like which involve interacting with other people, you are likely to make friends with people who have similar interests.

Why are you just sitting around when all your friends are out doing things? When they suggest doing somethings, such as going to the clubs, do you say let's go or do you tell them why you don't want to go? I have had friends that I could suggest five things to do and they would shoot everyone down. They also wouldn't offer suggestions of what they wanted to do. People get tired of people who are negative and always finding a reason to shoot things down. I'm not sure if that applies to you, but if it does I would suggest changing it. If someone suggests something and you don't have a better idea, then go with their suggestion. It may not be your favorite activity, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing. It's probably going to be more fun than you think just because your doing it with your friends. In fact, you should call your friends and ask them to join you for some activity.

Remember, people are only boring if they choose to be boring.
Click to expand...

Excellent advice! If there was a "Friendship Manual" I think that should be in it.
 
thanks i used to bey a yes man when it came to that stuff but not anymore

i refuse to be someones last resort anymore
so i i do not feel u truly want to hang out with me

and not just asking because i am filler material

but i went to a club with him 8 had a horrible time

my neighbor i saw him knocking on other neighbors doors asking them to come with him to get a tAtoo and everyone turned him down so he asked me

and i said no because we live next door to each other and i see u all the tome why wouldnt u ask me first?

thank god too he got pulled over by the cops and got into a fight with the tatoo guy
 
I feel I can relate, when I was young I was felt like if I was (at most) the second best friend... I never felt that I was really important to people.
 
loki81 said:
are they your first call when you're going out or doing something fun?
Click to expand...

well yes

but as i said in the original post

whenever i initiate contact (post the friend stealer)

im always told

hey let me call u back

i will get back to u
let me think about it

or the good ole yeah lets do it
and five days later im told something came up

wow

this is depressing
 
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