People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the Gay Community

[Romantico]

Not long ago I got into a argument with someone who said bisexuals are not really part of the gay community. I was appauld by this. (what do you think the B stands for in the GLBT community?) The general attitude was this. If I as a bisexual was involved with a man and we were dating, living together or even decided to spend the rest of our lives together that would mean I had morphed from bisexual to homosexual.

I am currently dating a woman so the attitude is I am slowly morphing in a heterosexual lifestyle. People just don't get it. This is why I hate labels. People who label (and we all do it including myself in many ways) see things as black and white.

If I end up marrying the girl I am seeing and we have a family and live out our lives I will still be a bisexual. I guess the question can be asked is bisexuality a lifestyle choice or a frame of mind? I mean, we live a lifestyle that resembles either a gay one or a straight one when we are with a partner. I have been with men where I have viewed porn of naked women. I have checked out women at malls while shopping with my ex male lovers. I get arroused when I see beautiful women and the scent of a women still drives me crazy.

However, I have been with men and I have done the exact samething. I love the scent of a man. I love checking out guys at the mall and I like gay porn. That desire will never leave me. I feel more at home in the gay community because of the intolerance I witness. I think I have become a bigger gay advocate since I have witnessed SO MUCH anti gay behavior in our society. I have done as much as I can to educate people my age and younger about HIV and safe sex. I have become more politicaly active and only support politicans who fight for gay equality. The biggest issue for me right now in a Presidential candidate is where they stand on gay marriage. Its disgusting that this day and age the Governement can decide who can and who can not get married. Gays serving in the military is also a hot button issue with me (wonder what the rule is for bisexuals serving in the military?)I have zero tolerance when I hear homophobic slurs and have made loud scenes when ever I witness it (which usually results in me embarassing those I am with) I also feel my gay friends are more understanding towards me than my heterosexual friends. Heterosexuals can't grasp if I like women how can I like guys as well.My current situation confuses the hell out of my straight guy friends. I've seen straight guy friends act different around me as a result. For example: Just a couple weeks ago I went to a friends house. He invited a bunch of us over to watch movies on his new big screen tv. I went over and he was wearing gym shorts, barefoot and not wearing a shirt. I was the last one there (and the only bisexual) After about 5 minutes he said he had to go to the bathroom. He came out wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. I guess he thought I'd jump in right there and do him in front of all his bro's.

Straight guys think I want to fuck them. I'd say most of them feel if they wanted a blow job or just a quick sport fuck I'd be the go to guy. This is just the attitude. Some gay friends are like this to, but more straight guys. My straight girl friends seem a little more open minded but some feel its ashame I am "that way" where others think its kind of hot. One friend dated a guy who was bisexual and said to me infront of the other guys and girls that bisexuals make the best boyfriends. That made my day. Women seem more mature and laid back about bisexuality than most people. When I came out as bi no one supported me more than my lesbian friends. If it were not for them and their support I don't know what I'd do.

So, I not only feel close to the GLBT community, its where I belong. Has anyone encountered a person (gay or straight) who honestly believes that Bisexuals are not part of the gay community?

 

[allemal]

I also hate labels, I enjoy sex with men and women, so call me what you will, I am comitted to the moment I am in, to the person I am with at that moment, thats my story!

 

[jngenet]

So, I not only feel close to the GLBT community, its where I belong. Has anyone encountered a person (gay or straight) who honestly believes that Bisexuals are not part of the gay community?[/FONT]

I generally identify myself as 'gay' and that's a direct result of other gays doing the 'smirk' when I ID myself as 'bi.' To answer the question, though...yes, I've met both straight and gay who just don't believe that being bisexual is anything more than a disguise. Why we can't call ourselves sexual without any prefix to it has always escaped me.

 

[Orlandude]

The actual facts are very clear on this whole subject. There are 7 levels of human sexuality and 5 of them are bisexual. The two extremes are "totally heterosexual" and "totally homosexual". The other 5 levels are a combination of the two in varying degrees. All one need do is read the Kinsey Study and other available scientific and medical data and studies on bisexuality.

Anyone who believes bisexuality is a disguise or "denial" has their head in the sand.

By the way, I'm totally gay. Always have been, always will be.

 

[newkidondagayblock]

I am so tired of these labels, its like Im not a human being, Im just a label.

God help all of us.....

 

[Alternity]

It seems to be an unfortunate fact (from what I have seen here anyway) that a significant, and vocal, minority of gay people think one of the following things:
- "Bisexuals are just gay people who don't have the guts to come out"
- "Bisexuals will always wind up running off with a woman".

It seems strange, and rather sad, that the proportion of straight people who are homophobic seem to almost be matched by the proportion of gay people who are "Bi-phobic".

Tho' I rarely post here (as can be seen) I do "look and lurk" - and have seen many instances of this.

Sad - and yes, I believe in the Kinsey scale. I also believe one can 'slide' along it, as I have ranged a couple of points both sides of the centre over the years.

 

[Piquechampion]

Straight guys think I want to fuck them. I'd say most of them feel if they wanted a blow job or just a quick sport fuck I'd be the go to guy. This is just the attitude.

You know, thats my issue with curious/bi guys, they just think that since one is into men too, one will blow or let anyone fuck you.

I have a couple of acquaintances that once they knew or suspected I was into men, they immediately assumed I was game for blowing and worshipping them.... I was like: ¨Excuse me????

Anyways to answer your question, even tho there maybe some bis who do feel themselves part of the GLBT community, they are in the minority.... most of them do live double live, and dont want anything to do with the GLBT issues, etc. To state my point, one of the bis here at JUB even went as far as stating that Gay Prides should be banned. So you see.

 

[Romantico]

Robertac: Thanks. I can't stand labels but we do it everyday. I'm a Starbucks Coffee drinker and I label other Starbuck drinkers vs. Dunkin Donut Coffe Drinkers. We sometimes label people by how they dress, what they drive, their politics, where they live,and yes, even their sexual orientation. I'm pretty good at NOT doing the latter one but still need work on some of the other silly ones.

Lugus15, I'm not sure what your problem is with bisexuals. I haven't read many of your posts so maybe you explained it here before and I am missing something but you sound really hostile towards us.


"Anyways to answer your question, even tho there maybe some bis who do feel themselves part of the GLBT community, they are in the minority.... most of them do live double live, and dont want anything to do with the GLBT issues, etc. To state my point, one of the bis here at JUB even went as far as stating that Gay Prides should be banned. So you see."

If we are in the minority then what does the "B" stand for in the GLBT community? I totally disagree about banning gay pride. I'd be the first one to object and protest and join the fight if that were to ever happen.You said 'one bisexual said that'. PLEASE, don't judge all bisexuals just because of one jerk! I agree that "some" do live double lives and don't want anything to do with gay issues. Thats not me at all. I'm probably the biggest gay advocate amongst my gay friends. I spent my entire Saturday last week educating young people about AIDS awareness and safe sex. I don't fit the bi profile AT ALL that you set nor do the other bisexual men and women I know. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and ask is it possible your misjudging a few negative encounters with bisexuals as a result with the entire community? Just asking.

I have said that the word bisexual has become rather generic and mis-used. A guy who has a crush on his best friend but loves his girlfriend may take the title. A man who is gay but not ready to come out might take the title. A man who is in denial might take the title. If Homosexuality and heterosexuality are black and white than bisexuality must be gray and theres more wriggle room in the definition than the others. Gore Vidal once said no one is 100% gay or straight. That heterosexuality and homosexuality are the extremes and that most people find their place right in the middle (or maybe that was Kinsey, not sure) I tell people that bisexuality to me is simple. We don't discriminate.

 

[TygreBryte]

To me, "community" means, among other things, the company of like-minded people. I am grateful and happy that my life includes several gay male friends and couples, some lesbians, male-female married couples, single het males and single het females.

I think there are plenty of "gay" clubs (speaking metaphorically here) in which I would not make a good member, although, I'm for sure gay.

I mean, I might be a little bisexual. I don't think I'm all the way over into the homo-only zone on the Kinsey continuum, as a matter of fact, I know I'm not. But I'm sure over the line to where my preference for men is so clearly greater than my preference for women that I think it would just make my life more complicated in ways I don't need to label myself as "bisexual," so, I just don't bother. I'm gay. But if you find that that *you* are bisexual, I've got no complaint with that.

In general, I try to put off "us-vs-them" kind of thinking until the last possible moment.

 

[ejbonk]

Bisexual Men and Women will always be part of the gay community. As most of us know that ,we bisexuals do exsist,and are treated in the same way (some times worst)by the str8's. Plus,we have to put up with a certain degree of BS from some members of the gay community.

Yes,for some bisexuality is a middle of the road stop .between discovering being Gay or str8. But,most of us are and always will be BI.

 

[Seifer20]

I agree.

There IS no really valid gay "culture" or a gay/GLBT "community", any more than there is a straight one.

The concept of gay males has been so largely commercialized and people confuse this and think that it's a real culture and community, when it's just consumerism.

Quoted for truth.

I think one reason people have such a hard time with 'bisexuality' is because bisexuality challenges their current concepts of homo and hetero sexuality. A lot of people have just come around to accepting that homosexuality exists and separate from heterosexuality. But, bisexuality challenges their mutually exclusive concepts, perhaps threatens that homosexuality exists in some fashion.

I mean, look at the majority of modern studies on sexuality. I agree that Kinsey was on the right track, but the studies that have followed ignore any scaling and are looking for what "makes" homosexuals different. But how can there be some physical difference with bisexuals that find men and women different?

A quick note on Kinsey. Everyone does realize that he didn't argue for sexual orientation right? It was just a measure of a man's sexual history and activity. If you're not for labels, then you'll probably like what Kinsey had to say:

"Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories... The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects."

Kinsey, A.C., Wardell, R. P., & Martin, C. E. ( 1948 ). Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male. W.B. Saunders, Philidelphia, P.A.

 

[NW007]

This is one of the more thoughtful discussions I have seen lately on this subject. Thanks for you all sharing your thoughts. Many of you have already expressed my feelings or thoughts on the issue; so for now I won't repeat them

 

[ELAINE]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

Hey, we like em both, so we get more to love.

 

[conrad]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

Can you imagine two fifteen year olds who meet and become good friends the summer before their junior year in high school? Soon they were more than friends and the physical contact between them turned from playful to sexual and when they did reach the point of sex it seemed the most natural and right thing. We were fortunate; we had both the opportunity and the necessary privacy and we explored a side of our sexuality which we had not considered before. We learned by doing; the sex we enjoyed confirmed the bond which had come to be between us. We continued to think of ourselves as regular guys.

He spent the next summer out West with his grandparents while I had my first opportunity to explore sex with a woman (she was five or six years older than I and turned out to be a great person in introducing me into the joys of sex with a woman. In the fall we were back to man-to-man sex. I never briefed him on my summer of enjoyment with a woman and he was mum as to what was new about his sexual journey. Following our graduation we went our separate ways and never enjoyed sex with each other again. He and I have appeared to our friends as the happily married and very faithful husband that we have been. The love I had for him them, I still have.

The journey into the fullness of my sexuality included two long-term relationships with men and two with women before I met the lady I was willing and eager to bet the rest of my life with. I never reveal what happened between my partners and me to any other person. (JUB offers me the opportunity to write about my journey and no one gets hurt.) I know that I am able to enjoy and maintain a sexual relation with either a man or a woman. I am very happy with my present partner, my wife. I know little of her sexual history before we met and she knows little about mine, though I suspect we both have thoughts. It does help to maintain the aura of mystery about sex and romance and had served me well.

What good would be served if my relatives and friends knew the story of my sex life? Isn't it enough that I know? If you are gay or straight doesn't really matter to me; we would get along just fine.

 

[JournDude18]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

i dunno...being bi is hard.
and in da military, if ur bi, they look at it da same way as homosexuality, so ur still discharged.

 

[Puzuzzu]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

Fuck the military, why would you risk your life for a country that hates you??? Also, bi sex's are part of our community mo matter what any dip shit says.
cheers

 

[reverb285]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

With an emerging bisexual community, why is being part of the gay community important to a bisexual person? I always hear much about how a bisexual is neither like a homosexual or heterosexual, so if a community is to be developed, it makes sense that it would be with like people. I mean, consider the fact that heterosexual people may be the victims of homophobia or support gay rights. Are they considered "part" of the gay community or simply allies? It seems that ever since the PC cliche "separate is never equal", people have been hellbent on integration, even when it's no better or even worse than segregation. I would go as far to say that a lot of what is perceived as homophobia or biphobia might even be remedied by agreeing to disagree and parting ways.

 

[Romantico]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

With an emerging bisexual community, why is being part of the gay community important to a bisexual person?

I can only for myself on this one. The gay community has seen me through some difficult times and I am grateful for that. A little over a year ago I was with a man whom I loved very much. I thought he was my soul mate and I saw our future together as a couple. I was seen as many as being gay because I was with a man who was gay. Even though I thought of myself as bisexual I was seen by others as being totally gay. Well, things ended up not working out and we parted ways. I still love him in a way and think of him. Today, I am living with my girlfriend of 8 months and people see me as being heterosexual even though I still see myself as being bi. I can say for the first time in my life I am as happy as I have ever been. I learned a lot from my ex boyfriend and grew up after our break up. I have never been more clear in my life that the life I have now is what I want. Not because of gender, but because I met SOMEONE who I connect with. It just so happens this person is female.

Because of me being bisexual I feel I have to fight for what's right. I still support the gay community and do whatever I can to help. I am all for gay marriage. In my opinion anyone who does not support gay marriage is not a friend of mine. We can be acquaintances or relatives. But not friends. If I should someday marry my girlfriend I will NEVER turn my back or forget my gay family. NEVER. They don't need me but I need them.

So, being part of the gay community is for me and should be important to EVERY bisexual out there. After all, what do you think the B stands for in GLBT? I'll leave you with this. Its a clip from Youtube of my favorite actress Anne Hathaway. She makes a speech that I guarantee will make you cry and remind you what being a decent human being is all about. We need more Anne Hathaways in our world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZuIdQVEVY0&eurl=http://www.perezhilton.com

 

[ejbonk]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

We need the Gay community. Simply,because We are part of them and they are part of us. That may sound corny to some,but without the gay community. We would have to continue living in the shadows and We do recieve the same Bigotted Treatment. As our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Sometime,We have it worse.

We are all in this fight together.
United We Must Stand,or Divided,We Shall Fail.

 

[reverb285]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

It doesn't make sense to say that you "NEED" the gay community, especially when there is a bisexual community. Why not further that? Politics, for instance aside, these sexuality based groups are first and foremost groups of people with like sexuality. If for no other reason than that, shouldn't there be a distinction? Yes there should.