People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the Gay Community

[Romantico]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

I do not see there a problem with some healthy bickering between me and Reverb. We disagree and he is entitled to his opinions. I do not think I am overreacting and we have both been civil and like you mentioned, have not broken any rules. My tone may be firm but it is respectful and falls within JUB guidelines. I don't see their any need for a police warning on the matter. Just my opinion. (when it comes to gay right thats one thing. Bisexuals rights your considered being hypersensitive and over reacting)

Thanks for sharing your opinions but don't you think by a moderator stepping in when neither of us have done anything wrong but express ourselves is perhaps making things worse? I for one welcome Reverb and am sincere when I ask, I'd like to know what he thinks and understand his views. Reverb, if you like feel free to PM me and we'll discuss thing further. I sometimes forget if you sneeze too loud here the police come out with guns drawn. The last thing I would do is try and make you feel unwelcome. Then again, thats just me.

 

[Romantico]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

"Something tells me if that "moderator" label weren't under my name you wouldn't be so concerned."

Your right, it wouldn't. I just don't understand why you would bump a thread that had pretty much dwindled down and say no rules had been broken and then show concern the discussion had moved into a different direction. I mean, you sort of came to the party late. We both more or less agreed to disagree and moved on. I thought the debate in the "Are there any Bisexual Republicans" thread was a lot more heated than this one and no moderator felt the need to step in with a warning.

Dude, no one on this board will applaud you more or pat you on the back than I if you step in when things start getting nasty. Just didn't see it in this thread. Just my opinion.

 

[probeteam1]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

Hi - gay guy here, so I can't say that I've ever experienced this sort of attitude firsthand, though several of my friends are bisexual women.
I'm going to speak to the original post and skip some of the later debate and inevitable discussion of Kinsey.

Not long ago I got into a argument with someone who said bisexuals are not really part of the gay community. I was appauld by this. (what do you think the B stands for in the GLBT community?) The general attitude was this. If I as a bisexual was involved with a man and we were dating, living together or even decided to spend the rest of our lives together that would mean I had morphed from bisexual to homosexual.

I've run into this sentiment once or twice, though to be honest I never encountered most fine distinctions of antibisexual sentiment until I found it on the 'net. Before that it was mostly a tone of "If you touch another guy's dick, then you're a damn queer."

So, I not only feel close to the GLBT community, its where I belong. Has anyone encountered a person (gay or straight) who honestly believes that Bisexuals are not part of the gay community?

I haven't met many of those - I've read the opinions of a few. I've met a few people who questioned bisexuals' "devotion to the cause" but they mainly argued that bisexual people were not allowed to engage in straight sex or relationships. Of the people I've encountered who argued that bisexuals will eventually "make up their minds," most were either anonymous internet debates, or one or two straight folks who usually had one or two other silly notions as well.

I have however, encountered people who didn't consider bisexual people to be "real" gay people. And I suppose from a literal definition it's true - that's why we have different words. But it seems to be accompanied by the assumption that to be "really gay" is somehow preferable, instead of just another possibility.

But it bothers me when I hear that a newly-out lesbian won't date (or even casually sleep with) a bi woman because she wants to be in a "real lesbian relationship" which therefore must be with a "real lesbian." It's my personal opinion that if they're both women and having sex with each other to the exclusion of other partners, then that's as lesbian as a relationship needs to be. Or women declaring themselves to be "gold star lesbians" because they've never been with men - do gay men have a term like that? If so, I've never encountered it.
There seems to be some assumption that monosexuality has some greater degree of credibility or quality that bisexuality lacks. Maybe I'm biased because if it weren't for bi men I'd probably still be a virgin, but I've never thought of it that way.

If bisexuals aren't a part of the "gay community" it's because there isn't a gay community, at least not one that's exclusively gay. I won't deny that there are communities and subcultures built around same-sex attractions, but I don't think the borders of any of them are so rigorously patrolled that they don't also come to include the bisexual or bi-curious. I suspect that in many respects bi men are more a part of the community of gay men than lesbians are, and bi women are more a part of lesbian communities than gay men are.
For that matter, once you step a little outside the hookups, communities would also tend to include straight friends and family as well. Any "community" that excluded my family is one I'm not interested in claiming; it's not like we're some sort of secret society. Hell, in some respects my cousins, siblings, and parents are more a part of their local gay communities than I am, and to my knowledge non of them have even looked at members of the same sex in their lives - they just tend to hang out with and get along with the queer folks.

So bisexuals are a part of my community, for whatever that's worth. But I've never personally encountered a genuine effort to exclude bisexuality either. Of course, the last time I made an effort to participate in a big way in the "gay community" was in a GLBTQ group in college, and we were trying to get the straight people under our umbrella, so exclusivity was hardly the word of the day.

 

[Romantico]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

Probeteam1, by far one of the most intelligent posts I have read here. I think I agree with everything you said. Thanks for voicing your opinion!

 

[blackbeltninja]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

Um... okay, again I'm late to this one.

I think the issue here is that there has for some time been a straight community and a gay community. As the movement has grown/become more widespread, anything which has been identified as not straight has been thrown into the gay community - hence the L, B and T (and I'm told a second T, an I and a Q as well - that's lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, transsexual, intersexual and questioning/curios, in case anyone is wondering, according to a guy I know, who is only 17 and gay and welcoming of EVERYONE).

Is it time for us to take the B out and leave it as a straight, a bi and a GLT community? Or should we just have a whole lot of independent communities where we all just stand apart from one another and hope we have enough numbers to make it count, and bugger all the real minorities like the T, T and I, who are probably much smaller than G, L, B or Q?

I think this is in part why the term queer has never gone away - queer seems to encompass GLBTTIQ and not know any boundaries at all, which would be a nice thing for us to strive for. However, all of us G's, L's, B's, T's, other T's, I's and Q's all have to want to be a community in order for that to happen. Perhaps a separation down the line might be desirable, perhaps even necessary, but I think that now is too soon for it.

There are some G's who don't want anything to do with us B's. There are some B's who don't want anything to do with the G's. Ironically, these people refuse to see that they are as bigoted as any racist, sexist or homophobe out there.

At the end of the day, if we all hate each other so much, or demand independence from each other so vocally, do we have any right to get annoyed when the straights try to do the same?

-d-

 

[Romantico]

Re: People Who Claim Bisexuals Are Not Part of the

I have often said the word bisexual is abused by so many. So many mis-use the word. Like you said, as confused homosexuals or just people who use the word as a front. then there are those who use the title which gives us such a bad name.

I see the look in people when I tell them I am bi. They either roll their eyes or smirk but I have come to be very familiar when I see it. These people seem to think they know me better than I know myself. I don't waste my time with them and I don't give them second chances. When they piss me off, it's a one time deal. Life is too short to waste on ANYONE who judges me because of my sexual orientation.