Perfect Scenario? So why dont i come out?

[Mick J]

Perfect Scenario? So why dont i come out!?

Hello JUB community! First time poster here, short time reader... So, sorry if this is long..anyways.. i will be starting my senior year of high school next week, and im sort of at a weird point of my life. Ever since junior high ive recognized myself as being gay. So ive always been out to myself i suppose, but i dont know when or why i should come out to the world.

My family situation- my mom has always had gay friends, she has never shown any signs of homophobia. My dad actually told me about a year ago that it doesnt matter if im gay when he was telling me that im going to "go somewhere in life, it doesnt matter if your black,white, purple, man, woman... (then paused), Gay". (Suspicious? ) My brother seems to be open minded. Im almost positive hes seen gay materials on my computer. (We each have our own but when his isnt working he uses mine and i take no care to "clean" anything) but hes moved out already.

As for my friends- i have about 4 best friends that are girls. They are all open minded. One actually said to me "that would be great if you were gay". and another "i wish i had a gay friend." Its like they are just waiting for me to say something! None show any homophobic signs. My group of friends that are boys actually speak up when other people say "gay" or "fag" casually, they will tell em to watch their mouths and say "we dont discriminate" and stuff.

Do you see my dillema now? ............me neither. Seems my friends and family will be there for me. So i dont know whats holding me back. Maybe i just dont think its a big deal if im out or not? Whats the advantages really? spin the bottle not being so awkward... (lol)? whats the disadvantages? maybe the homophobic world.. i dont know i think coming out/being out looks like a lot of work for unequal reward. . . or maybe for high school at least.

any advice or answers would be great... im just confused Thanks!


-Mick J

 

[jft245]

Although your family and friends will be supportive other kids your age at school may not be so understanding. Do you want to take the risks of confrontations about your sexuality? I know that you should be true to yourself and do what you think is right but you have to decide if the rewards are worth the risks. A lot depends on where you live and what type of attitudes the people have.

 

[FabFairy]

Mick J Welcome to our little community.

I don't see any problem come out when your ready or the subject comes up in conversation your lucky to have so many friends and family who are supportive

 

[rareboy]

I get the sense that your real friends and family already have a pretty good idea and are providing you with some great opportunities to be out....there's likely no rush though. You might do it sometime through the year once you've taken the temperature of the rest of the school environment and when it won't matter at all any more because you'll be off to college or university.

I think you're lucky to have these other people around you.

 

[G-Lexington]

First off, thank God/Zeus/your lucky stars that you have such supportive friends and family.

Secondly, think about yourself. How do YOU feel about being gay? Irrespective of ANYBODY else. Not "I don't want people to reject me" or "It'll be hard in my chosen field". How do YOU yourself feel about being gay? I'm guessing you're still not crazy about the idea. That's fine. Give yourself time to get used to it, to accept it. Once you feel more comfortable with it, you'll be able to come out without much trouble at all.

Lex

 

[gameboy 11]

If you are comfortable with how things are at the moment, then there is absolutely no reason to come out. However, if you choose to, it sounds like you've got it made with all the open-minded people that you are surrounded by.

Whatever you choose, I'm sure the outcome will be splendid!

 

[Mick J]

Hi again. Thanks everyone for your input. So i guess what its coming down to is if high school is the right time.

I want to come out so i can be myself. I am comfortable with how things are going right now yes, but that gets turned upside down when i get asked who i think is hot, or spin the bottle comes up, or a girl really likes me and im expected to act. Last year a kid i dont really know just came up to me and said "Are you gay? you always hang out with girls but dont have a girlfriend". i said no of course.. another closer friend just said "do you like girls?" (that was a boy) and i lie! i lie lie lie lie lie and pretend and its fake and im sick of it. I dont like when people are fake, i like honesty and being straight forward.. so im a hippocrit.

In response to lex- no i suppose being gay didnt seem to ideal to me, but im gay, i accept it and im definatly not denying myself. Infact im a little excited about what life can bring.

So as for my high school...ive known a lot of my peers since kindergarten. Small town about 800 kids in my school. Bullying seems non existant. People dont get picked on or trash canned. Most people dont go out of their way or care what other people do. And like i said, my few main "Cliques" would be cool, and im sure no one else would care very much, Much less actually confront me. More likely talk about me behind my back or when my name came up somewhere say something bad. I know of one open bisexual guy and the worst i ever heard is someone say "Oh ya, he likes the cock". It seems to be one of the safer schools to be out in.

I could see how waiting until after high school could be easier because you have a choice about your social situations... but am i missing out on something? Funny i havent mentioned the option of actually being in a real relationship..


thanks again for the input

-Mick J

 

[heatseeker]

You could start by telling those close to you that you trust would be cool about it. I told my more supportive relatives first, and even then it felt a little awkward on the phone just saying ..."I'm gay". Afterward I couldnt believe that I hadnt done it years sooner. Things get easier after high school, I think, so be careful who you tell for now. but even coming out to someone you are pretty sure will be sympathetic is a baby step in the right direction.

 

[Mick J]

it seems telling a family member would be more awkward than a friend.. but i know how dangerous trusting that with a few of my girl friends could end up being... while they wouldnt care its not something they would think is a big deal and shouldnt be a secret im sure.


-Mick J

 

[Caeth]

it seems people suspect heh...but i agree with lexington....once you're ok with being gay then things will become much clearer. it sounds like it'll be really easy for you to come out.

i'd recommend going for it sooner or later though...you'll be missing out while you're still in the closet. "missing out" on being who you really are and the whole gay social scene/community. i wish i came out much earlier and not "wasted" all that time trying to be straight heh.

 

[DGr8Mack]

I agree with a lot of the input listed herein, I would suggest coming out to your immediate family first. Test the waters at home, they sound safe enough, then you will always have that support group. Then you may decide you want to let some of your closest friends know, add to your support group of people who "know"
You don't have to jump out of the closet on rocket booster roller skates yelling, "I'm here, I'm queer and I don't like your end tables..." lol, you can take things slow at your own comfort level, one small step at the time...
Hope this helps a little bit - Mack

 

[backpacker]

First, count your lucky stars to have such wonderful people in your life. From what you have written, it would seem that they already, but are waiting on you for confirmation.

Coming out doesn't need to be an all or nothing at this point. If you are afraid of the reaction at school, you could always choose to start coming out with family and trustworthy friends. As you feel more comfortable, you could come out to more and more people. As you have noted, you feel that you are missing out on something by not being out. Your school sounds like a pretty good environment and most of them probably already suspect. They have known you for most of your life and how many other guys in your school have four girls for best friends? Good luck!

 

[Mick J]

hi, so yeah im glad about those close to me i just dont know.. why i should come out.. im angry i wish there wasnt "coming out" i wish i could just be who i am openly. what if next time one of my girl friends comment on a guy or something i just say "Yeah hes hot!" lol

maybe i just wish that if i was out then the man of my dreams would come out to me and we'd hook up! fat chance..

and i dont know, im sure my friends suspect me. i mean, i hang out with 4 good looking girls in their bedroom and they openly change and/or wear just their underwear or bra and stuff infront of me. talking about it is really making me notice how obvious it might be to them. yet they still interrogate me about who i like and such.. im confused.

anyways i think throughout this year i should come out to some of them, i dont know about my parents. Im so certain they would be cool about it but how do i do it..and why its important for them to know.. why is it? its not like i discuss relationship and sexual related things with them anyways and they dont really discuss it with me. it feels awkward just thinking about it.

 

[iosif2]

Not exactly sure why I"m being so direct with advice, but I say stay in the closet until you are out of highschool. Not that I think it's good to hide being gay. You've made it clear that that's there's no problem on that front. I just think that you have more important things to focus on, primarily graduating. After all, what kind if gay life could you be missing out on in such a small community that you can't put it off for another year? Do you need the distraction of an outing in your last year of school? After graduation, society expects young adults to start taking control of their lives. That would be a perfect time to take control of yours and come out. It probably wouldn't do you any good to wait any longer than that, though. You are a very lucky guy to be surrounded by such accepting family and friends and your community at large, so take advantage of it and come out to them first. Then move on from there. Wish I had it so good when I was your age. Peace

 

[Mick J]

Yeah i think i'd have to agree it would be smarter to wait until i graduate..

I just got an email from my dad who has been gone for a bit on work that closed with " what justifies my being is that you thrive in health and your personal happiness... "

heh, i think they'll be more than ready when im ready!

 

[boy0boy]

well hmm not to restate what everyone said but, man you're lucky!

i graduated 06 and only now am deciding to come out even though i knew in high school. i wish my parents would at least say anything like yours did!

come out in high school. i regret not doing it. i live in a small town and although not as accepting as yours sounds i wish i would have, nobody would have hassled me, because there were other openly gay or bi guys and guess what each homecoming and prom they won king... yeah so i would have been accepted. i just regret it because all the people i considered friends, are the ones i lied to about a huge character trait. which kinda made me hold back, like about same things when they asked who i liked or why i didn't have a girlfriend... and it is awkward talking to someone after a lie has been building for 4 years.

till now, most of my high school friends that i'm still in contact with don't know because they know me as str8 me not gay me, so only about 5 people that i went to school with know and i made sure it was the ones that moved out of our old town... i regret not being what i was and what everyone knew i was but didnt mention. i had the same comments "i wish i had a gay friend" and even one friend told me "you'd be my perfect gay friend" so i wish i could have been myself and made better friendships where they knew who i was and i didn't lie to them...


but yes, coming out is easier in college or just after high school, and another comment is... yes i support or encourage you to come out, but not some behavior that comes with being gay. i had a friend come out april of senior year and he started skipping to have sex and drugs and he dropped out....

just be safe, and happy

 

[Shepherd 2]

If everything you say is true,
it sounds like you are ready.
Be caustious and caring and true to yourself.
Good luck.
Shep+

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I'd ask myself few simple questions:

Why would other guys need to know, what I do in my bedroom?
(Or what I intend to do in my bedroom?)

Is this going to make their lives better, easier, more fulfilled?

Why would anyone assume the right to question me about my sexual orientation, preferences or identity? Who gave them such rights?

Obviously, coming out would sort of 'legitimize' your sexual interest in other supposedly 'gay' or 'bi' guys. It would also totally scare away a number of other guys, who would be potential partners but would rather want to keep their private lives to themselves. You would be potentially making a lousy deal, when you really come to think about it.

How about adopting a positive attitude like in: I do as I please, for as long as no one gets hurt and everyone is consenting and all the play is within the legal limits?

Think it over. You'll do yourself a great favor.

When it comes to saying something that can be used against you and/or limit the scope of your action, silence is truly gold.

SC

 

[Mick J]

Well school has started now.. thanks for more input but every other post is just opposite advice.

Silver you asked why would other guys need to know what i want to do in my bedroom... Its not them im really concerned about, its my girl friends that i want to openly talk with because one of the big chatting topics for a teenager is relationships and sexual things! Plus maybe theres a guy that also likes to "do the same thing in his bedroom"...

Actually i overheard my girls talking about this guy i really like and they said that he's gay. (Of course i know what a rumor is , maybe i should ask for more detail) but he has only had 1 girlfriend and it was a really unintimate relationship and it didnt last long.. he hangs out with girls mostly too, and the other day in class he put his chair honestly so close that it was touching mine, while we were being lectured and kept brushing my leg on accident.

Other than having a few jocky people yell "fag" as i walk by i cant see anything else happening really and im pretty sure i can handle words... I'm 6'4" about 190 lbs so i dont think anyone would want to pick a fight.

 

[isuckmen]

dude I wish I could relat. I to just started my senior year except without the supportive family...

I dont know if I could deal with school if I was totally out...

But If i were in your shoes...

1) My famliy would know
2) My friends would definitly know
3) I probably wouldnt come out in the middle of the cafa-gyma-torium ( say it out loud... it makes sense) and say "I'm GAY!!!"
but I wouldnt make a point to hide it.

And you are hella lucky ( and sound sexy lol).

My thread about what I am goin through it called WTF Do I Do now... (In case you were curiouse what i meant by i wish i could relate)