Phoneguy2 - Archived Blog Posts

[phoneguy2]

Yesterday was such a happy day for me personally. The interview with the district went very well and ended with me being offered the position of manager of my own store. I was so excited as this was something I have worked towards for two years.

The move will be a pain but it will be worth it in the long run. The area I will be moving to is much larger and more of an urban area. I am ready for the additional responsibility of my new position and feel it will be good for me.

So much to do in the next two weeks but the time will go fast and everything will work out.

I wish the ending of the day was as happy as the beginning. After the emotional rollercoaster I was tired so I hit the couch to watch the election returns. (BTW, apologies to the guys in the yahoo conference last night, I fell asleep) Although there is a small glimmer of hope in Ohio it appears that Bush has been re elected. Four more years of this administration scares me but the good news of the election is the HIGH voter turnout. After several years of dismal turnout the 60+% turnout yesterday is good news for the country. My hope now is that Mr Bush will pay attention to the large numbers of people that expressed dissappproval for his policies. Only time will tell but those of us who wanted change must remain optimisitic that the results and exit poll questions will still effect some change.

 

[phoneguy2]

For those you too young to recognize that title it is the closing song from the old Carol Burnett song. I have pondered on and off for several days on how to say what I have to say. should I start a thread? should I send mass PM's to those I wish to say farewell to? I have decided to do it in a blog entry. Afterall, it has been in my blog entries that I have grown out of the apathetic stupor I was in, so I feel it is fitting to say my temporary farewell in one.

I have said so many times that I feel JUB is the greatest thing to happen for gay men and I truly believe that. Living in a small rural town JUB has been my connection to all things gay. I have seen so many grow in their 'gayness', have shared so much of my life and the lives of other members. I have become a part of the JUB family and respect that family for what it is.

As the time draws near for my moving to Indiana and my starting my new position I have to make certain changes. Since for now I have a temporary place to stay at my new location I will be without my computer and the internet. I am not sure how long this will last. I am fairly certain that I will be 'off line' at least a month and believe me, that will be one long month. It may even be longer. Although JUB and the internet has become a big part of my daily life once I move and begin re-establishing myself available time for internet fun will be limited for a while.

So I want to take this opportunity to thank all of the many members of this community that have supported me through the dark times this past year and wish all of you well. I will miss my daily browsing of these forums but I assure you, I will be back as soon as I can.

Wally

 

[phoneguy2]

What a fun chore. Yeah, right! Packing up the apartment is progressing, slowly, but progressing. Today I packed all the knic-knacs, excess dishes books, small pictures, etc. It's funny how something that usually just sits on a shelf, not recieving much thought can bring memories back as it is wrapped in newspaper and packed away in a box.

One such item was a pottery water pitcher in the shape of an ear of corn that was my Grandmother's on my father's side. This is the only 'heirloom' I have from my father's side of the family. My Grandfather was already gone when I was born and my Grandmother passed away when I was around 4 years old. In fact the only memory I have of her is her actual dieing at a family party on Christmas Eve and then her funeral. The wake was held in my Aunt's house, which was the custom back then. But the memories of my Father came back with holding that pitcher.

My Father was a 6', 250 pound truck driver who had quite a bit of trouble with his free spirited son who turned out to be gay. The arguments were many and it seemed there would never be peace between us. I moved to California and then Texas so I could live my life out of the shadow of my Father's disapproval. He visited California a couple of times and things were still somewhat rocky between us. He did seem to accept my lover at the time but would not come to our house. He stayed with my sister in San Jose. He even once visited Texas, I payed for the trip, and stayed with me for a week. By then he had had a couple of heart attacks and was mellowing somewhat and my attitude towards him had also softened. During that trip we started to develope the type of bonds I had always wished we could have had when I was younger.

In 1986 I was in Illinois visiting them on a weeks vacation. Mom had been in the hospital and on the day we were to go bring her home Dad had a heart attack. It was decided he needed a quadruple bypass. I went back to Texas and closed up my apartment and moved back to Illinois to help care for him. We became close after having many long conversations about both of our lives. I learned of dreams my Father had as a young man that were never to be fullfilled because he married and had 7 children. I learned of the struggles and sacrifices he made in order to provide for those children. On my part I told him of the struggles I had encountered as a gay man and he changed his way of thinking about me as such. It was during this time that my Father gave me the corn pitcher. That seemingly simple act meant so much to me, as it showed that he had finally accepted me as being gay and showed the love he held for me that was so hard for him to express. As his health deterriorated and finally he had to be put in a nursing home, I was there for him. Our bonds strengthened and he finally was able to say "I Love you, Wally". For a man who worshipped John Wayne and Archie Bunker to hold his gay son in his arms and utter those words makes for the type of memory that will never diminish.

As I wrapped that corn pitcher in newspaper and placed it in a box for moving I remembered the man who had given it to me and was thankfull for the time that we had and the fact that we had overcome the life's tensions that seperated us for so many years.

 

[phoneguy2]

It is with mixed emotion that I prepare to go to work today.

Yesterday I spent my day off in Indiana. I went to my cousin's house where I will be staying temporarily then drove to the new store so I could have a n idea of how long it takes. My supervisor was there and she introduced me to some of the new employees and gave me the grand tour of the store. The store is five years old and the new bigger, all brick design. I can't wait to start on Monday.

Which brings me back to today. My last day at this store. As with any community there are people I will miss and some that I will be glad to never see again. I will be 'tormented' by the "farmers" all morning. This is the group of mostly older, mostly farmers or ag workers that congregate at the store to drink coffee. It is an old adage that women gossip. Let me tell you that old men gossip worse than women. They also have to know everything that is going on, who everybody is, and have an opinion on everything. They are an assorted group and at times there can be as many as 20 of them standing in the aisles drinking coffee in plastic takeout mugs (25 cents). If there is any information a person wants, this is the group to obtain it from. Even though they have driven me over the edge quite a few times this is also the group I will miss the most.

I have been at this store for two years now and have been living in this small town for a year and a half. There will be a few sad goodbyes, some that will be quick little 'see you sometimes' with an inner NOT on both sides and some e mail exchanges to assist in keeping in contact. All in all it will be a mixed emotion day.

Tomorrow afternnon I will leave for my cousins and then get settled in there. I have lived with her and worked for her before so that will be somewhat like going home. Yesterday I noticed that the county is building a new adminstration building across the road from my cousin's restaurant. Next to this new building is an old log house that is going to be a museum. The log house was moved onto the site a couple months ago from a farm on the other side of the smalll town. It is a two story log home that was originally built in 1850 and was one of the first permanent structures in the new settlement. It should be an interesting museum when it is restored. But the interesting part of it is that I lived in it once. So now I can point out the museum and say I lived in a log cabin. Just don't anyone call me Abe.

 

[phoneguy2]

It seems like it has been ages since I have written in here. So much has happened in the past two weeks it will be hard to tell it all.

To begin, I am staying temporarily with my Mother's first cousin. She is 82 and getting a little on the senile side. It took several days for her to remember I was staying there. Each night when I got home from work she thought I had come to visit.

Work is going good. I have adjusted to the new hours, have to get up at 2:30AM and be on the road by 3:15. It is a 30 mile drive and the other day when we had snow it wasn't much fun. Memories of sliding down the highway sideways and then 360ing into the ditch kept me alert. Most of the employees are good and have been there a while. I did have to let two go but the rest are fine. My first week was spent cleaning up the store and getting everybody doing things the same way. Last week was spent straightening out paperwork and rearranging the files. I did take last Sunday off and went over to Cullom to check on my apartment. With everything packed up it looked really desolate. So far I haven't decided where to live and will probably put my stuff in storage.

Since my new locale is quite a bit larger than where I was, the prospects are also larger. Since the prospects in Cullom were basically zero, it wouldn't take much. I have been checking out the new 'scenery' quite a bit and feel that once I get settled in there may be a chance for a little romance. I haven't had those hopes for so long I had forgotten how good it feels just to know the possibility is there. I even find myself wondering if the guy who just set off my 'gaydar' is possibly a member here. Maybe I was just experiencing JUB withdrawal. Anyway, if any of you walk into a a c-store in Northwest Indiana and there is a new manager named Wally, let yourself be known.

As for the apathy and depression I was experiencing earlier this fall, I think the promotion, added responsibility and move are all a positive step in being rid of that. I feel better than I have in a long time and a friend told me just before I left
Cullom that I had a spring in my step she hadn't seen in a while.

That's all for now, I've got to go browse GSDX's gallery. He put it up just in time for my return.

 

[phoneguy2]

got off work about 2PM yesterday and have the day off today. (I did call and check in, though) Last night I actually cooked dinner, baked perch with cheddar rice, brocolli and mushrooms. By 8 I was ready for bed and slept until 7 this morning. I am just lazing around enjoying my morning coffee and not much else.

Work has been going good. Most of the problems were because of poor organization by the previous manager and I have spent the last two weeks getting everything organized. Also spent quite a bit of time getting the store cleaned and straightened. All of the cashiers are doing much better and now next week I will start working with the kitchen crew.

The challenge has been invigorating for me. I actually have enjoyed the long days because it is nice to see the finished product. I knew going into this that I would have a month or six weeks of mega hours so the loss of any private time isn't earth shaking. When everything is running smoothly I will be able to work normal times and relax and start working on my private life.

My supervisor has said that where I am staying is fine with her as 30 minutes isn't too far away, so I will be staying with my cousin for a while longer. The worst part of that is having to use dial up when I want to go onto the net. I didn't realize how spoiled I was by having internet cable.

I have been checking the boards but have not had the time to really participate like I used to.

Friday I was in a store and noticed that amoungst the Christmas trees was a palm tree. It is about 6' tall and is made from artificial evergreen and has the lights already on it. Since I am not looking forward to Christmas this year I figured that this would be the perfect tree for me. I bought it and set it up Fri night and today will get some decorations for it.

I miss being on the boards a lot but soon I will have more time and will be back full force.

 

[phoneguy2]

It was twelve years ago and I was tending bar in the little bar/restaurant my cousin owns. In he walked, tall, dark and handsome. We have always used that phrase but this time it was as true as any statement can get. I had trouble concentrating as my eyes were drawn to him. His name was Jamie and it took a while but we became friends. When I moved away the friendship dried up as so many do in that type of situation.

Now I am back in this area, my cousin still owns the bar and I have reconnected with Jamie. He is still tall, dark and handsome. We've talked somewhat and today made tentitive plans to get together next weekend. And believe me the title of this entry is correct, the past twelve years have been kind to him and he has aged quite well.

Work is going good, I am working quite a few more hours than I did before but it is very stimulating. I am still driving the 30 miles each way but the drive is becoming not so bad as it was at first. My internet time is still limited but I have been checking in as much as I can. I hope all of you have a great Holiday and soon I will be back full time

 

[phoneguy2]

When I was younger I thought nothing of picking up and moving to where ever my heart desired. But now just moving across the state line was a royal pain in the you know what.

The worst part of the whole thing was dealing with the utility companies. What a nightmare that has become. The 'best' one was the local water company. I paid a hundred dollar deposit to have my water turned on and when I got home from work the next day I had no water. It took 3 long phone calls and many days waiting but I finally have a phone and DSL. Luckily here, the lights and gas are the same company so that was only one call fior both.

But the good news is I am settled into my new home and can now relax and enjoy it. With all of the bad winter weather recently the fireplace has been a welcome addition to my life.

After walking a half block to the old store, I find the 30 minute drive to this one a little tedious but at the time of the morning I go to work there isn't too much traffic so it is usually uneventful.

Speaking of which, it's time to get on the road and start another day in my new job. All is going well and I am happy to be back in JUBland.

More later.

 

[phoneguy2]

2004 was definately a year of change for me. The death of my Mother brought about several changes in my mental attitude. Not the sadness or depression one goes through after the loss of a parent but the changes in attitude as to being 'on my own'. When parents are alive, we don't really think about how much we relie on them for comfort, support and just general companionship. When that is gone we must learn how to cope with life's daily frustrations, good times, and monotomous routines without having a particular parent to share them with. Although it has been 8 months I still daily want to pick up the phone and go over the day's events with Mom. I supposed that will never go away entirely but hopefully with time it will will dimidh somewhat.

The big promotion and move towards the end of the year was a good thing for me. Adapting to the new position and the responsibility that went with it kept me busy and was rewarding in itself. Everyday, still, I am learning the differences in being a regular employee and that of being the manager. I have made mistakes but none so serious that a little reflection and corrective action couldn't remedy.

Finding a house and the subsequent move was an ordeal that in itself. But now that it is all accomplished and I can go about my various day to day routines I have come to view the experience as a growing and rewarding one. Getting up early on my day off and doing the mundane things such as laundry, cleaning the bathroom and dusting the furniture allows me to sit back the rest of the day and enjoy my accomplishments.

Quite a change from a year ago when I couldn't even open the mail or go out of the house when not working. When a day off meant the chance to sleep in all day and let the rest of the world pass me by. From time to time I reflect to that period and wonder why did I allow myself to become like that. But I have also realized that why it happened is not the important thing. Having surpassed it and changed along with life's changes is the most valuable part. To grow and change are the two most basic qualities in life. The darkness is past now and enjoying what I have worked for and realizing the best is yet to come helps keep those darker days away.

 

[phoneguy2]

In the past four to six weeks I have been spending more and more time on the boards. I have noticed the absense of several of the 'gang' that populated the forums when I was very active before moving to Indiana. The growth in that time has been phenominal and I am amazed at the number of posts people have accumilated. Having been one the first dozen or so people to reach the magic number of 1000 posts I found my 2950 posts as a rather low number now. But the changes I have encountered, both with the forums themselves and the people now posting are positive. Even though I haven't posted a lot since returning I have been reading a lot and find the boards the same intersting place to visit as I always did.

The biggest change, and probably the hardest to accept, was my not being a moderator any longer. I actually have scrolled down to the bottom of the first page to check the mod forum but it wasn't there. The current batch of mods seem to doing an excellent job.

Work has settled down. When I transferred to the new store in March I decided I wasn't going to put in all the hours I had been at the other location. I now take my days off and even have taken a vacation. I try to leave as close to my scheduled time but that is not always possible. When I am away I try my best not to worry about the store and this has helped keep my stress down.

I have my new house, also since March, almost the way I want it and enjoy being so close to the lake.

My health is the best it has been in a year and I actually behave myself most of the time.

As some of you reading this might know I have a new hobby. I posted a story in the story forum here and have been expanding it on a regular basis. surprisingly, to me, at least, it has gotten a lot of hits and a few people seem to enjoy reading it. The idea for the story came to me as I was driving home from my vacation. As I was leaving the fairgrounds, I camped there with my sister and her husband, I ran into a guy I had known when I lived and worked in Illinois. I had somewhat of a crush on him and turned that meeting into a fantasy of what I wish had happened at our meeting. As the story expands I am mixing a little of my personal background in with fantasies and letting my mind wander into areas I've never before thought possible. It is a fascinating experience.

I will also try to stay a llittle more current with this blog. Just remember, the lines contained herein are the ramblings of an aging mind.

 

[phoneguy2]

As some may remember, two years ago I was promoted to manager at my own location. The catch was I had to move from Illinois to Indiana. No problem, although the actual move was a bitch and it took a while to get resettled, to have my own store was worth the effort. Last March I moved closer to my work only to be offered another store 15 miles away that was in serious trouble. Accepting the challange of attempting to turn it around, I started managing my second location on March 15th. Now, almost 7 months later, the store has made improvements, our numbers are up, other problems are gone, but we still were not making a good profit. Several things factored into this, some of which were beyond my control. What I could, and did, control was slowly but steadily improving.

On Wednesday this week, my area supervisor and district manager came to the store. They were there to tell me that the store had been sold and would close at 11PM on Monday. The new owners would take possession at noon on Tuesday, after a crew had removed everything with our company name and logo on it. The new owners would keep four HOURLY employees on staff, which ones we won't know until Tuesday, but did not want to retain the manager (ME).

I was offered a store with my company back in Illinois but in an area I really would not like to move to. That was the only option I was given on Wednesday. Friday I talked to my district manager for about an hour and I told her I did not want to move to the store offered, so we discussed my other options. Of course one option was to leave the company, but after four years with them and the benefits I have accumulated, to me that is not really an option. Next would be to seek a store outside of her district, but because of the way the company is structured she wouldn't have any say in the decision whether to accept me or not. The last option, which is also the most viable one, is for me to step down, become an assistant manager again and wait for an opening in an area I would like to move to. If I accept this option, I would be given priority on the management spot when it becomes available. She also gave me a list of stores that need an assistant at this time, one of which is about 12 miles from the store I came from in Illinois. I would be back in the area I lived in and really liked.

Taking a step down would mean a pay cut, but since I would return to hourly status I would be paid time and half for any hours over 40 and get holiday pay, neither of which I get now as salaried. I would keep my benefits as they are, which is a big consideration for me. The worst part of the deal, for me, at least, is that I would have to sit back and let someone else make all the decisions, which is not really in my personality. I feel that if I keep in mind that this is only temporary, I should be able to overcome my natural 'bossy' personality.

I called today about temporary lodgings and should know tonight or tomorrow if it goes through. Next will be finding my own place and then moving again. That will make three times in two years and I don't look forward to it at all. Maybe I should sell as much of my stuff as I can, junk the rest and start all over again in the new location. At any rate my trash pile for the next two weeks will be considerable.

So I guess now it is onwards and upwards, although technically it is backwards, since I am stepping down and moving back "home".

Wally

 

[phoneguy2]

At 6AM yesterday morning the crew arrived to remove all of the company signage from the exterior of of the store. By 7:30, the inventory crews for my company and the new owners were there, a crew was packing merchandise that was not being sold and I was feeling like I was at a funeral. The store had closed for the last time at 11PM, Monday and soon was to be no more.

Everyone kept asking how I was doing, I wanted to scream "How the Fuck do you think I'm doing?" It would be difficult to describe the feelings going on within me. For two years, since moving to Indiana, work has been the main focus of my life. Not only was 'my' store being ripped away from me, I was soon going to be unemployed, the offer to step down to the assistant in another store suddenly withdrawn. I could step down to a regular hourly position, full time with benefits, but no management of any sort. Otherwise I was being thrown out with the rest of the trash or left behind with all of the unwanted incidentals.

But at the same time, a part of me was happy, excited and smiling, as I am being courted by another company. This other company called me to set up a meeting, this morning, in fact, and it sounds rather promising. After the whirlwind of emotions of the past 6 days it is a welcome relief to have something to look forward to. The company I had worked for for four years, two of which as a manager may no longer want me but another company does.

Life moves on and so will I. I will always have the memories of working for the first company, the friendships developed with employees and other managers, and the experience of working to turn around a store that was in trouble. But 'the body' has been put in the ground, so to speak, and it is now time to take care of me.

I am very excited about this meeting this morning. Even if nothing comes of it, and I have a feeling that isn't going to be the case, the ego boost of being approached with an offer has been tremendous. Of course, there are uncertainties, that is life, but there is also hope and a promise of a better future.

What more could I ask for?

 

[phoneguy2]

Yesterday's meeting went very well, it lasted over an hour and we discussed several different subjects. Tomorrow I have the second interview with the director of operations at the corporate headquarters. I feel good about this process and not in the least nervous about tomorrow, okay, just a little nervous. I believe something is going to come out of this and it is going to be better than what I had.

Today seemed like a day off, which basically it was. It's just that I don't have a job to have a day off from. I am proud of myself that I have maintained a positive attitude through all of this, even though Tuesday was terrible, and I did break down once, and have tried not to dwell on my circumstances too much. The last thing I need is for depression to set in.

 

[phoneguy2]

Friday's appointment went just as smoothly as the one Wednesday. It also lasted over an hour and I was given more detail as to what I was being considered for. At the conclusion of the meeting I was given a tentative offer and told that a formal one would come either Friday or by the latest, Monday.

The weekend went by slowly, as has today. I made sure I was never far from my phone and as the day drug on, my mood started to go down. Second thoughts came and went in my mind. I second guessed everything and almost had myself convinced an offer wasn't going to come.

Then ten minutes ago the phone rang, it was the human resources director with the offer. It is for a mangaement position, starting off as a manager trainee, of course, at the same salary I was making at the other company. I will start either Wednesday or next Monday.

So two weeks after the fateful "Yes, your store is closing" meeting I will be once again employed, doing what I love to do, with a company that wanted me when it seemed the one I had spent four years working for did not.

My fears of being unable to find a job at my age went unanswered and I now believe that something good can come from something that seems bad.

 

[phoneguy2]

After working 10+ hour days, 6, sometimes 7 days a week for the past two years, I found myself counting down until retirement, fewer years than I care to admit. The thought of no alarm clocks, carefree days and unstructured time was appealing.

Then two weeks ago when my store closed and I was suddenly without employment I had to the chance to experience 'retirement' first hand.

It Sucks !!!!

The first thing I did was turn off the alarm clock, dreams of sleeping in until noon filling my head. I then banished any semblance of 'work' clothing to the netherlands of my closet, jeans, sweat pants and casual attire suddenly aquiring new importance.

Liesure time was at hand and I was going to enjoy it. Afterall, I had been working extra hard and deserved it.

It Sucks !!!!

Almost two weeks into into my newfound 'freedom' and I am bored as hell. Never having been one to enjoy television, it sits on it's stand, neglected, collecting dust. Even without the alarm blasting me awake, my eyes come open before the sun decides to wake and I lay there, wondering how the hell to get back to sleep.

It Sucks !!!!

Go visit with friends and family, you suggest. Alas, they are working. Travel, enjoy yourself, another option you so cheeirly put forward. No work means no paycheck; no paycheck means no money; no money means no travel.

It Sucks !!!!

What's that? Speak a little louder. Oh, play on the internet. Good suggestion, except I have watched so much porn in the past ten days my dick runs and hides when I turn on the computer.

It Sucks !!!!

Be creative? Another good idea, except I have added so many chapters to my long running (some might say long winded) story in the erotic story forum that the 'submit entry' button has dissapppeared from my computer screen.

It Sucks !!!!

Hurry Tuesday and a return to work.

It Sucks also but I look forward to it.

Retirement can wait for old age.

 

[phoneguy2]

The old adage goes something like this, Life imitates art, or maybe vice a versa. But lately I have been wondering how much so. Actually I have become a little concerned that maybe it does too much.

When I was writing The County Fair & Josh I added a part where the fictional Wally had his store closed and lost his job. About a month later my real store was closed and I lost my job. Fortunately another was waiting and I was only off work for two weeks. Second coincidence, the fictional Wally had a better job offer right after his store closed.

Today I read in the paper that a swan who had taken up residence on the lake here about four years ago was killed while crossing the road about two blocks from my house. The swans, introduced in Josh and carried over into Small Town Country Guys were found dead on the lake.

If you read that entire chapter you will see the fictional Wally was killed in an accident going to his new job. I am beginning to think that I should start walking to work, or maybe even work from home. Oh wait, most accidents happen in the home. I guess I'll just avoid four lane divided highways. Or maybe I should go back to the horse and buggy.

Anybody ready for the return of Buggymaker? LOL


On a brighter note, I like my new job. The only drawback so far is the manager training me is female. And like all females she refuses to admit to being wrong and absolutely hates to be corrected. I have managed to start the last two days by pissing her off before the store opens at 5AM. But that works to my advantage as then she hardly talks to me all day. Women are so damned predictable.


BTW, come to think of it, many of my stories deal with meeting a well built, big dicked, handsome stranger and having glorious, mad, passionate sex. I wonder how soon my life will imitate that art.

I'll keep you posted

Wally

 

[phoneguy2]

First I lost my job....

Then I lost my internet connection....

Then my computer crashed.......

Then my life really went to hell.

First I got a new job (already well doxumented in this blog)....

Then I got a new computer.......

Then I got an internet connection....

Now my life is all rosy again.


The internet connection is unfortunately dial up. Hopefully that little detail will be corrected soon. After having DSL for over two years I sit back and watch the grey hair multiply as I wait for something to download now. But at least I can be on JUB while the hairs multiply.

The new computer's best feature is a 19" WIDE flatscreen monitor. I now can look at a picture of a man with a really large dick and see it all at one time without having to scroll sideways. Can life get any better?

Another good feature is instead of having Windows36 I now have XP. I was kidding about the 36 but 98 might as well of been that old for all of the newer things it wouldn't support.

The best part of all of the above is being back on JUB after another absence. Thankfully this one wasn't as long as the ones before it. I am going to start updating my stories and even will add a couple new ones.

So watch out boys, the buggyman is back to stay.

 

[phoneguy2]

Three years ago last month I joined a forum on a web site. I had never been part of that type thing before and wasn't sure what all would be involved. Living in a small rural community in the midwest I had no contact with the gay world and was hoping this forum would give me some of that.

The website was called linkmeallover. It was a portal to porn websites and I had been going to it for years to find good porn. The forum was something new the new owners were trying out and there was a little over 1000 members listed but only a couple hundred were actively participating. I read the threads with enthusiasm, the topics were assorted, some mundane, some interesting, some amusing.

I responded to a couple of the threads and before long had actually posted a thread of my own. The date was Nov 22 and the thread was about what we were doing when President Kennedy was assassinated. It received a few responses and I thought I was king of the hill. I had started a thread and people actually responded to it.

In those days there were two sections to the forum. One was just discussion and the other could have pictures uploaded. Most of the pictures were porn but there were threads that had 'normal' pictures in them, such as favorite car, old advertisements, etc. We even started a few threads with silly pictures.

By taking part in the discussions I became more and more involved with the members of the forum. We even started a Saturday night 'chat' on yahoo messenger, the forum didn't have a chat room back then. We started like at nine o'clock and sometimes they would go all night. It was fun and this small town guy was interacting with other gay men. The forums were evolving into a community.

linkmeallover became JUB and the forums grew, not only in the number of forums but also in membership and popularity. My personal life had many ups and downs during that time and whenever anything happened with me I knew I could turn to the boards for support or encouragement. No matter the time of day or night there was always someone there to say "Good job" or lend a shoulder to cry on. JUB saw me through the dark days during my Mother's illness and death, listened to me patiently as I ranted about totaling my truck, encouraged me when I was offered a promotion at work, supported me when I was having heath problems and entertained me when I was feeling alone and down.

I had been thinking for a while about how could I give back to this community that has meant so much to me over the last three years. Two weeks ago when I got a new computer and was able to get back on line I found the answer. Seth had posted a thread about giving JUB upgrade subscriptions as Christmas gifts. After a few days thought I purchased a block of subscriptions to give to a few of the members that I feel are an asset to this community.

Not being as active as I have been in the past my familiarity with members is not as it used to be. If you have read this far and know of a member who is a positive, constructive contributor to the forums who would appreciate having the upgrade to JUB supporter but for whatever reason cannot become one at this time please send me a PM with the members name and your reasons as to why they should be upgraded. My remaining subscriptions are limited so please only send serious replies.

In doing this I feel that I am giving back to the community that has given me so much in the last three years.

Wally

 

[phoneguy2]

When I turned forty I deluded myself into not using that word by saying I was 30/10.

Then came 50.

Easy, it was the tenth anniversary of my 40th birthday.

Now with that next big one lurking in the shadows waiting to spring itself upon me I have a new theory.

It's not my fault I am this old, I was born premature. Twenty years premature.

While sitting in the chair in the hair salon today having the eight hairs on the top of my head trimmed, rearranged and colored that was a comforting thought. The more she cut. the grayer my hair became. It bothered me more to sit in there and be seen with so much gray hair than it did to sit for ten minutes with my head covered in the brownish goo that is hair color.

Oh, I know all the sayings. 'You are only as old as you feel' is the one that irks me the most. It's hell to have to arrange the bedroom furniture so the bed is nearest to the the bathroom door. Can't waste any time walking the full length of the room.

I remember when I would love to check out new singles apartment complexes. Now it's looking for the senior centers.

I carded a girl for cigarettes the other night and made a comment that through older eyes young people look younger. She replied that she understood because she has a father who says the same thing. I thanked her for not saying grandfather.

Enough rambling about age.

Now where did I puit that bottle of geritol?

Wally

 

[phoneguy2]

The changes have been gradual.

The decline, unnoticably slow.

A year and a half ago when I had my medical ‘episode’, as I call it, several tests were conducted on me. One of them was a brain CAT scan. I was told that some of the arteries in my brain had calcified and that some areas of my brain were escemic (sp?).

Now when I look back over the year and a half the changes in my behavior are somewhat drastic. This has been bothering me so I looked up Dementia on the net and read quite a bit about it. I have not taken my concerns to a doctor, I am still uninsured since leaving my last job, but from a self diagnosis standpoint, it seems all of the signs are there.

When I was a young teenager my Grandfather was diagnosed with ‘hardening of the arteries’. This was before dementia and Alzhiemers were discussed. I watched as his brain functions slowly deteriorated to the point that he would pour a cup of coffee, place the pot back on the burner and go back to the living room and leave the cup of coffee on the counter. We would walk into his house and find several full cups of coffee sitting there.

In her last three or so years with us my Mother had been diagnosed with dementia and finally alzhiemers. Watching the decline in her was very painful.

At times it seems a heavy burden to know these same things are beginning to happen to me and becomes frightening to know the path that I am on will not reverse itself but only become worse.

I attempt to do things to keep my brain active such as reading, doing puzzles and games that require memory skills, and now teaching myself to play the keyboard. I struggle with new songs but keep at them until I have finally memorized them and can play them without the teaching lights on the keys. I attempt not only easy ones but more complicated ones such as Beethoven’s Moonlight sonata and Fur Elise.

Sitting after work playing through my limited list of songs not only is relaxing it helps me keep the evils that await me away that much longer.

The slow descent into darkness of the mind is something many people face as they grow older. I had hoped to avoid this for a much longer time but as long as I am aware (there will come a point when I won’t be aware of the decline) and continue to struggle with ways to slow it down I will be content.

I am going to attempt to write a journal describing the descent and keep a record of changes as I notice them. Now, if only I could remember where I put that journal.