Planning on coming out to a friend

[InkOfTruth]

It is getting really hard to suppress my sexuality, and I really feel it's time for me to come out to someone I know. I have been teetering back and forth in considering which friend I wanted to come out to; I'm not ready to come out to more than one, I just don't have that courage yet. After months of running through options, I narrowed it down to two. And, after more months of thinking, I have chosen which of the two I want to come out to.

I chose her because I know she has gay male friends, and treat them like normal people: no judging that is. I have been friends with her for four years now, and she has always felt comfortable talking about her problems with me. So, I think that her open-mind and our relationship will provide me a stable ground to come out. I'm staying over at her place next week, and I plan on coming out to her then.

Even though I think I really want to tell her, I am still going back and forth on whether I want to carry it out. I'm excited, but still totally scared. I tell myself to do it, but then the next second I tell myself I shouldn't. I scripted what I wanted to say, but then I think about how I would feel once I'm on the spot.

What is your advice? What do you think is the best way for me to go about this?

 

[cinbengals2010]

Well Inkoftruth... I just recently came out to my mom like two weeks ago. I must admit it was the hardest thing I have ever done. It all went well though. I say whenever you're there at your friends house go with what your gut is telling you to do. I went back and fourth for weeks to tell my mom or not. I'll tell you this though, afterwards it's the best feeling ever. Actually for a few moments it might feel akward then it'll be the best feeling ever. I would say that she would accept you for who you are since she already has gay friends. Hell... She may even be happy for you. All in all you just have to do what you think is best for your life though. Goodluck.

 

[Pyscean]

InkOfTruth....

I'm out to A LOT of people and each time I tell a new person I get a little nervous but...each time I do it, it seems to be easier than the last time if that makes any sense.

The reality is if she has other gay male friends then she may have already figured you out. Just a thought.

When I've told people in the past, I've always prefaced things with letting them know how much I trust and respect them (which I do). At that point, I guess most of the people I've told are honored that I chose to share something that personal with them, but the time and place has to be right and only you can be the judge of that.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Lube]

^ Really great advice!

And, really, why all the concern with her? She already has gay friends. What is she going to do, turn into a vampire? Of course she'll accept you.

 

[Nomenclature]

Female friends are always very easy to come out to. . .especially ones who already have gay friends.

Just make sure she isn't a gossiper; Some girls WILL tell other people, and if you aren't ready for others to know then this'll be a huge problem. Be sure that she's trustworthy.

 

[KaraBulut]

I chose her because I know she has gay male friends, and treat them like normal people: no judging that is. I have been friends with her for four years now, and she has always felt comfortable talking about her problems with me.

Just highlighting a couple of things for you to think about.

What you intended to say is clear but there's an undertone to this as if you aren't sure that gay people are normal people and that this is a problem that you're sharing with her.

Let's be clear:

1. Gay people are normal.
2. Being gay is only a problem for people who are ignorant or homophobic.

Make sure you believe this before you depart on this journey.

What is your advice? What do you think is the best way for me to go about this?

When I've told people in the past, I've always prefaced things with letting them know how much I trust and respect them (which I do). At that point, I guess most of the people I've told are honored that I chose to share something that personal with them, but the time and place has to be right and only you can be the judge of that.

^^^QFT

And as another poster mentioned, when you have this discussion with her, let her know what your coming out plan is. Ask her to support you and be there for you during your coming out process. But also make it clear that this is your coming out and that you want to be the one to tell other people (i.e. she's not to tell other people before you have a chance to tell them).

 

[InkOfTruth]

Thanks everyone.

By no means do I think gay people are not normal. And, in hindsight, I shouldn't have used that word in that context; I see how it carried a negative undertone. But once again, I just meant how she behaves and how she treats her gay friends is the same as she would treat her non gay friends. I apologize if that offended anyone.

Same thing for me connecting my coming out to her confessing her "problems" with me. No, being gay is not a problem unless one makes it a problem. But in my case, my coming out is a problem. In this sense, I am defining a problem as a situation with a conflict needing a resolution. My situation is coming out for the first time, and the conflict is my fear.

Again, I hope I didn't offend anyone. I also appreciate you highlighting specific things I said that might be read in a different context in which I wanted it to be read.

 

[Lube]

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Really, she sounds like a wonderful, nonjudgmental person. Good luck!