Games only kill a relationship (or a potential relationship.) Just tell him you want to go slow and get to know each other. If there's chemistry between you and him, taking your time will make you want each other more.
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Playing Hard To Get
- Thread starter josher
- Start date
T
Theyoungman
Guest
Don't push it. What you're doing and what hes doing is ok, but telling eachother how you feel isn't the best thing to do right now. Don't expect anything from him and don't mess with him unless you feel that hes ok with it. Remmember, playing games is only fun until someone gets hurt...
thermodynamics
Resident Enginerd
Playing Hard to get may work in straight relationships and be part of the fun. But it doesn't seem to work with gay ones.
thermodynamics
Resident Enginerd
I'm not saying it won't work, but it's not likely to work---at least with us.
SilverRRCloud
I'd rather be a Sexgod:)
No universal rulez apply here.
But, 'playing hard to get' is far less of a right move within the m2m context than within the m2f setup. A man generally feels less prone to 'going long ways' to get another man romp in the hay with him than would be the case, if he were after a female.
Part of it is doublessly, cultural conditioning and another bit is that men tend 2 know what other men feel and are thus, far less likely to buy into that game.
The moment I even very vaguely start suspecting someone might be trying to play a game on me, I simply dump him without ever thinking twice about it.
Even the slightest whiff of a manipulative trait is a huge turn off.
So far, the best advice here was given by adidas:
SC
But, 'playing hard to get' is far less of a right move within the m2m context than within the m2f setup. A man generally feels less prone to 'going long ways' to get another man romp in the hay with him than would be the case, if he were after a female.
Part of it is doublessly, cultural conditioning and another bit is that men tend 2 know what other men feel and are thus, far less likely to buy into that game.
The moment I even very vaguely start suspecting someone might be trying to play a game on me, I simply dump him without ever thinking twice about it.
Even the slightest whiff of a manipulative trait is a huge turn off.
So far, the best advice here was given by adidas:
SC
NickCole
Student of Human Nature
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Some guys are like that.
Think of what kind of guy you want to be in a relationship with. Playing hard to get, on the scale of game playing, is not that big a deal but be aware of what you're doing.
If you want a guy who's more comfortable playing games and prefers make-believe to reality, then play games when you date.
Well said. I am beginning to wonder what kind of individual you might be expressing such attitudes toward another human being - who does have feelings, emotion. One does not just play "fun and games" with those as you seem so inclined to do.
What a lousy attitude to think about using in meeting someone new for the first time. There are several words that come to my mind - MATURITY, COMMON SENSE, SENSITIVITY, DECENCY - The can all be found in the Oxford Concise Dictionary.
"Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?
CONTROL DOES NOT EQUAL EQUALITY.
eM
First, I'd say it's not about control. If you think that way, the relationship is likely to fail.
Second, I think not sleeping with him on the first date is an excellent idea. If all the guy wants is to get into your pants, then he won't last long with you if you deny that. If the guy really likes who you are as a person and wants to date you, he'll hang in there and be fine with that. I think that is the best litmus test. I know there've been guys I've let go b/c I wouldn't sleep with them right away. They're not worth it imo.
Also, maybe this thread would do better in the relationships forum... I'll ask a mod to move it.
Second, I think not sleeping with him on the first date is an excellent idea. If all the guy wants is to get into your pants, then he won't last long with you if you deny that. If the guy really likes who you are as a person and wants to date you, he'll hang in there and be fine with that. I think that is the best litmus test. I know there've been guys I've let go b/c I wouldn't sleep with them right away. They're not worth it imo.
Also, maybe this thread would do better in the relationships forum... I'll ask a mod to move it.
ahotjock71
Complexly Simple
YOU should keep him interested...with conversation, humor & wit.
He should fall for YOU, not your games.
Good Luck, buddy! Be real, be honest!
He should fall for YOU, not your games.
Good Luck, buddy! Be real, be honest!
texan_slant
Sex God
Games aren't good. Honesty is good. Playing hard to get might back fire and then nobody wins, and "games" might set the wrong precedence for the rest of the relationship.
You mention - what if a guy says he wants to hang out/date - and he doesn't call back? Take it for what it is and it prob means he's really not interested.
If you or the other guy wants the other bad enough - it'll happen without the games.
You mention - what if a guy says he wants to hang out/date - and he doesn't call back? Take it for what it is and it prob means he's really not interested.
If you or the other guy wants the other bad enough - it'll happen without the games.
thermodynamics
Resident Enginerd
Yeah, I'm with Jockboy on this one. Delay the sex, and the guys will just self-select to not go with you--that's what you want. It's the perfect weed-out process. And if after the first date you never hear from them again...well get over it. When you do get to the third/fourth (or whichever) date, you'll know he's a keeper and that you'll want to share love through sex with him.
Something Else
Slut
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although i think I understand your intentions: wanting something tangible and real over fleeting hot sex in a hookup situation
I think most of us here question your methodology in attaining that--as has been mentioned by posters earlier.
For me, I'm very stubborn and prudish like (i actually like that about me, lol
)
so I'm very cool if the guy reveals himself that he is UNABLE to share/handle a convo with out sexual overtones/innuendos/suggestions.
You mentioned briefly you're into football--I am into that as well as basketball.
well then....
Ask him over to join you at a sports bar to watch a football game (collegiate or NFL) together?
Something that both of you enjoy and share and just go from there with stuff that both of you enjoy doing.
It's okay to have desires of wanting to be with someone cause they're physically attractive; it's just that having intimacy--which it sounds like you're seeking--only comes when you allow for the true person under the facade (of a beautiful body sometimes ) to emerge.
As far as having control within a relationship...
i don't think one can really have a loving relationship with that mindset, imo.
Relationships tend to demand that both expose themselves entirely and TRUST that the other will be there for them. Hard to imagine how control could be included into that, from my vantage point and experiences.
I think most of us here question your methodology in attaining that--as has been mentioned by posters earlier.
For me, I'm very stubborn and prudish like (i actually like that about me, lol
)so I'm very cool if the guy reveals himself that he is UNABLE to share/handle a convo with out sexual overtones/innuendos/suggestions.
You mentioned briefly you're into football--I am into that as well as basketball.
well then....
Ask him over to join you at a sports bar to watch a football game (collegiate or NFL) together?
Something that both of you enjoy and share and just go from there with stuff that both of you enjoy doing.
It's okay to have desires of wanting to be with someone cause they're physically attractive; it's just that having intimacy--which it sounds like you're seeking--only comes when you allow for the true person under the facade (of a beautiful body sometimes
) to emerge.As far as having control within a relationship...
i don't think one can really have a loving relationship with that mindset, imo.
Relationships tend to demand that both expose themselves entirely and TRUST that the other will be there for them. Hard to imagine how control could be included into that, from my vantage point and experiences.
RicanDAB
Batteries Not Included
This sums up my sentiments on the issue. My boyfriend and I have taken things slow relationship-wise and they are evolving nicely. Sure, there is a lot of hot sex too
but we have also learned to like each other beyond that.I personally do not have time for games - you either want to date me or not - you either want to sleep with me or not - be up front so I know what to expect. It's the only way of avoiding any type of frustration with other guys. I also agree that meeting guys on MH gearing toward a relationship is a proverbial shot in the dark!
One last thing -- some guys will flat out LIE about feelings and dating just to get into your pants, and you will know within the first meetings whether you were a fish on a line or whether you might have found your Prince. If the overall focus in meeting is sex sex sex, forget about getting serious with the guy.
For me the best approach would be to go into meeting him without any expectations at all. You're meeting a "friend" for drinks, or to watch a game at a sports bar, or whatever. Then see where things go from there.
I've had my share of meeting guys online, hitting it off really well, then only to discover that once we met in person there wasn't any real chemistry there.
I've met some guys who seem to think that I'm the answer to the problems in their lives. I'm met some real freaks, and at least one who turned out to be a stalker. There are some really interesting people out there. I like to think that most of them are looking for the same thing that I'm looking for; something that might turn into a mutual longterm relationship.
I met one guy on Yahoo Personals, who I really liked, and as it turned out he's now one of my closest friends. I think that part of it has to do with the fact that both of us approached the whole thing as getting to know each other first. At some point we mutually decided that we would be better friends than lovers. Which is true, because now we call each other after a night on the town and compare notes about the guys that we both encountered that night.
I understand where you're coming from about having been hurt, or burned in the past. For me it's become an issue of "boundaries and parameters."
You seem to know who you are, what you want, and what you're looking for. Those are you boundaries and parameters. Resist the urge to compromise those things, and you'll be just fine.
I've found it better to be rejected in the first few minutes, than to discover...years later...that "I" wasn't really what/who they wanted to be in a relationship with.
I've met some really great guys, until it came time to exchange numbers, and the invitation boiled down to "You wanna come back to my place and fuck?"
If that's what they really wanted, they could have gotten that fuck and then some if the question had been, "Would you be interested in joining me for dinner tomorrow night?"
You'll find out pretty quick if your MH date is all about getting into your pants, or getting to know you.
Go in with an open mind, and no expectations short of making a new friend.
Be yourself.
If it turns out he's not interested in anything more than just having sex with you, let him know that's all that he'll get, then take him home and shag the shit out of him. Don't return his calls, and move onto your next potential boyfriend.
That usually works for me!
This is no magic recipe, or plan. There are no games, and there's no way to manipulate someone into loving you, or wanting you, or being with you that ever truly works....or lasts.
You seem to like this guy, and he seems to like you too. Otherwise he wouldn't be interested in meeting with you in person.
Check him out. See if there's some chemistry there. Avoid expectations, and don't compromise what you want. Don't forget that this guy has feelings too, so treat him like you expect to be treated.
Good Luck, and please come back and let us know how it went.
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I've had my share of meeting guys online, hitting it off really well, then only to discover that once we met in person there wasn't any real chemistry there.
I've met some guys who seem to think that I'm the answer to the problems in their lives. I'm met some real freaks, and at least one who turned out to be a stalker. There are some really interesting people out there. I like to think that most of them are looking for the same thing that I'm looking for; something that might turn into a mutual longterm relationship.
I met one guy on Yahoo Personals, who I really liked, and as it turned out he's now one of my closest friends. I think that part of it has to do with the fact that both of us approached the whole thing as getting to know each other first. At some point we mutually decided that we would be better friends than lovers. Which is true, because now we call each other after a night on the town and compare notes about the guys that we both encountered that night.
I understand where you're coming from about having been hurt, or burned in the past. For me it's become an issue of "boundaries and parameters."
You seem to know who you are, what you want, and what you're looking for. Those are you boundaries and parameters. Resist the urge to compromise those things, and you'll be just fine.
I've found it better to be rejected in the first few minutes, than to discover...years later...that "I" wasn't really what/who they wanted to be in a relationship with.
I've met some really great guys, until it came time to exchange numbers, and the invitation boiled down to "You wanna come back to my place and fuck?"
If that's what they really wanted, they could have gotten that fuck and then some if the question had been, "Would you be interested in joining me for dinner tomorrow night?"
You'll find out pretty quick if your MH date is all about getting into your pants, or getting to know you.
Go in with an open mind, and no expectations short of making a new friend.
Be yourself.
If it turns out he's not interested in anything more than just having sex with you, let him know that's all that he'll get, then take him home and shag the shit out of him. Don't return his calls, and move onto your next potential boyfriend.
That usually works for me!
This is no magic recipe, or plan. There are no games, and there's no way to manipulate someone into loving you, or wanting you, or being with you that ever truly works....or lasts.
You seem to like this guy, and he seems to like you too. Otherwise he wouldn't be interested in meeting with you in person.
Check him out. See if there's some chemistry there. Avoid expectations, and don't compromise what you want. Don't forget that this guy has feelings too, so treat him like you expect to be treated.
Good Luck, and please come back and let us know how it went.
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