Playing it straight.

[UC3543]

No one at work knows I'm gay - I figure it is none of their business. When I first started working there, I was asked if I was married or if I had ever been married, and I said no, and a few times over the 2 years that I have worked there I've been asked do you have a girlfriend, and I've always said, not at the moment. I've never been asked if I was gay or if I have a boyfriend - or anything like that.

No one really talks about boobs at my workplace - but if they did I would just ignore it and get back to work or do what I was already doing. I've never had any problem concealing it at any of my workplaces - I just don't talk about sex in the workplace.

avalonlovelove879 - you say everyone always knows that you are gay - do they ask you, or how do they know. Or how do you know they know - do they just assume.

 

[muscleboy82000]

The first thing you want to do is to not draw too much attention to yourself at work. That means dressing conservatively for work (business style clothes, hairstyle, jewely and accessories) for not to raise questions. I had an intern in the office a couple years back that was 100% straight but because of how he dress, hair coloring and jewlery, it raised a lot of questions.

Second, because of the risk ofsexual harrassment today, no one discusses sex or make off handing comments anymore. Just have an answer for the girlfriend question. My standard answer is that I dont mix work and social lives, so it is easy when you dont bring a date to some office functions. BTW, since this is your first office/business job, I suggest that you dont date or play with people you work with. It creates lots of problems when you breakup and have to see each other every day.

Third, watch what you bring into work or do at work. Overheard telephone calls with friends about plans for afterwork, websites, personnal email left up on the screen or regular mail left on your desk can all lead to outing you at wok.

Hope this helps and best of luck in your job search

 

[G-Lexington]

I've only held four jobs since coming out. I was out at all four.

Of course, there were varying degrees of acceptance. Right now, I couldn't be any more out. I have plenty of gay co-workers, and I talk about my boyfriend and laugh about things all the time. ("Wow, she's hot." "Funny, she doesn't do anything to me.")

One of my first jobs was in a very redneck environment. I was out there, too. No, I didn't stand up on my desk and out myself. But when I was asked, I had a boyfriend. If somebody started something homophobic - "that guy is such a fag" - I'd jump in - "Really? Is he single? Is he cute?" I wasn't in their face about it, and I only brought it up if they did, but I wasn't going to lie about who I was.

Nowhere I've worked have I felt a need to "come out". I don't mention it during the job interview or anything - it'll happen when it happens, and I'm expecting it.

As far as "they can tell"...well, maybe they can. It seems to have come as somewhat of a shock at all my jobs, so maybe I hide it better than I intend to. But if I'm the one who says it, I'm the one who owns it. It's not "my little secret" if I'm the one who announces it.

Lex

 

[evil_danger]

People are always shocked when I say I like guys too, I dont think I act overly straight, but people just say that its the last thing the expected me to say.

I'm lucky I work in a very friendly atmosphere with some really open minded people, seriously the amount of flirting that goes on in the pub I work, its not right, everyone flirts with everyone else, regardless of gender, about half the staff are bisexual, or open minded, and the other half are just really tollerant, and have fun with it.

Dont try to act 'straight', act yourself, if someone asks you lie about it, or just say its none of their business. There are so many different types of people that acting 'straight' is just confusing, what someones idea of straight is, anothers will be completly different, and then you might get the "they try too hard to be straight, they're clearly gay"

 

[drhladnjak]

It's not worth living a lie. I've been in jobs where I tried to hide my sexuality and found it often very difficult. At this one job in particular, my boss was very conservative. I remember her being mortified that men and women might live in the same house even if they had their own rooms with locks on the doors. While I worked there, I had come out to my parents and was not dealing with the ensuing drama particularly well. She picked up that something was going on in my life that was affecting my work, but because of the circumstances all I could tell her was something like, "I'm having serious personal and family issues right now which I don't want to share with you." It strained things greatly and was one of many problems that eventually led to me leaving that job.

Being out at work is very different from coming out to individual people. You don't announce it at work so much as act like everybody already knows. At my current job, most of my coworkers know I'm gay. I've only had a conversation with the words "yes, I'm gay" once and that was with a gay coworker right after I started there. Some people have just picked up on it possibly from my dress, mannerisms or knowing the neighborhood I live in (not that any of those are really dead giveaways), while others have found my blog and read more about my life directly. Occasionally, I'll say something that makes my sexuality fairly unambiguous.

The key thing is to work somewhere where it doesn't matter if you're gay or not if at all possible. It just gives you more options and removes what can otherwise be a source of stress.

 

[rareboy]

Just be yourself. Don't try to conceal it because you'll just look ridiculous and these days most co-workers would likely trust you less about work related things as well, once they find out. I think you need to carefully assess why you would hide the fact that you're gay. It shouldn't even matter a rat's ass at work what anyone's sexual proclivities are. If it does, you're working in the wrong place.

 

[nws2002]

Being out at work is very different from coming out to individual people. You don't announce it at work so much as act like everybody already knows.

This is how I treat it too. I don't hide it, but I don't walk around carrying a sign that says "I'M GAY" either. If someone asks I tell them, simple as that.

If anyone ever complained about sexual harrasment where I work you would see a major US airline go up in smoke. Its rampant, so yes people do talk about sex at work, a lot. The office jobs I've had in the past have been no different. If guys are talking about boobs, I try to ignore it, but if they ask I'll tell them I bat for the other team. Maybe I've been lucky, but everyone is has been very cool and adult about it.

 

[luminum]

If it's no one's business, then why not just be yourself? If sexuality of all kinds is no one's business then why do you need to play it 'straight'? Just play it 'you'.

 

[drhladnjak]

It surprises me how sexual some of you describe your workplaces as being. Nowhere I've worked has ever been like that what so ever. Perhaps it's a consequence of working in the software business in one form or another. It tends to be very male dominated but also less focused on typical social topics like sex I guess.

 

[user name]

You say everyone finally figures it out that you're a gay (even if you don't tell them about it) , so what's the problem - you won't have to answer any questions
And to avoid this kind of conversation you can make a joke out of it, make sth up, repeat every time and probably finally they will give up. it's just an idea, I never tried it...

 

[bluedragon4]

don't over style your hair and DON'T arch your eyebrows. The arched eyebrows is the worst thing gay men do to themselves. It's creepy and womanly.

 

[BiGuy8705]

I work at a really small company (3 people) with my friend of 3 years and his older brother (the owner.) My friend had NO idea I was gay, despite the fact that he would constantly talk about the girl he banged last night, and I never would. One day when I first started going out, I stopped at this bar with a cute Asian boy before we went to the club. In the 20 feet we walked from his car to the bar, I hear someone lay on the horn and, and its my friend from work. He txt'ed me immediatley asking if I was gay.. I guess the kid I was with looked very far from straight, and I tried to kinda deny it at first, but he knew. I asked him not to tell anyone, but I know he told his brother. (Supposidly the brother took his cell phone and was looking through txt messages, but I don't buy that) Long story short I was outted, but I don't think that they've told too many other people and have been really cool about it. My boss even asked who the lucky guy was that I was going to bring to his wedding. lol.

 

[slickery]

You're right, your sexuality is none of their business, and vice versa. I've found is that most people don't care. As long as you don't do creepy or weird things. The last place I worked was in an office with a bunch of women. All they would talk about is their partners and couples stuff blah blah blah, so I joined in. Since partner is such an ambiguous word it took a little bit for them to catch on, but nobody said anything. There was a lesbian on my work team as well that would always talk about her partner as well, nobody cared. I think you'll find you'll have a lot more people on your side then you think. Also if anything negative is said, it's an immediate lawsuit and no one wants that.

 

[drhladnjak]

Unfortunately, in 33 (out of 50) states in the US, it's still legal to fire or otherwise punish employees for being gay. The same is generally probably true for saying something negative about somebody being gay. List here. So no, it's not an immediate lawsuit in every case. Obviously, things are different in New Zealand though