please critique my email exchange

[chrisdobro]

99% of my email exchanges with the guys on sites or elsewhere end up fizzling out and dying without a hint of getting off line, I figured I might ask for help.

My goal again is to get off line, get together and have fun. Not spend my time online exchanging emails or IMs incessantly. So I'd like to ask your critique again on a recent email exchange that to me appeared most promising in that regard:

To: [the guy]; Subject: hey dude; Date: June 27, 2011 at 09:10 PM
how are things going?

From [the guy]; Subject: Private photos unlocked!; Date: June 27, 2011 at 09:12 PM
[the guy] has unlocked his private pictures for you.
To see them, click on his picture in the upper left corner of this message. If you're using our iPhone or Android app, unlocked pictures may be rated "too hot," so you'll need to view them on the website.
​

From: [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 27, 2011 at 09:12 PM
good. u?​

To: [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 27, 2011 at 09:17 PM
thanks - amazing pics! I like [university] shirts

I am doing pretty cool. I finally got relatively enough sleep after the weekend.
I'll be going to [university city] this Wednesday - gonna have dinner with some students and their prof

From [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 27, 2011 at 09:27 PM
Thanks. I'm a pretty big supporter of the university, but I wasn't before I became a student here.
​

To [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 27, 2011 at 09:32 PM
cool. I like [university]. it has been very nice to me and I like being nice back.

wanna hang out this Wed? let me know. it'll be free later in the day, like 8pm onwards.

My name's Chris and is my email by the way!



[INDENT][U]From [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 27, 2011 at 10:33 PM
[/U]On Wed I think I should be free after 8. I'm Gary. Do you have yahoo IM? My sn is [IM] on there.
[/INDENT]



[U]To [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 28, 2011 at 06:35 PM
[/U]Hey cool
[IM] is my ID
I am on and off the computer a lot so IMing with me can be a pain:

my cell is [phone #] by the way.

hey check this out!
[a link to the university article about me students and prof about an event we did]
I am on the left!



[INDENT][U]From [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 29, 2011 at 06:38 PM
[/U]Sorry I ran out of e-mails, so I had to wait until just now to get this.
[/INDENT]



[U]To [the guy]; Subject: Re:hey dude; Date: June 29, 2011 at 07:29 PM
[/U]I figured that. Well I am in [university city] now heading home.
[/SIZE][/INDENT]

So, what happened? He appeared to be interested and free to hang out. He unlocked his pics and his yahoo IM. I told him where I'm going to be. Also early in the morning of June 29th, I sent him IM through yahoo telling him that I will be in the area around 7:30pm, and gave him my number again. His last message I've shown here kinda lacked info. I'd say at least "hey got your messages, but can't meet today", or something.

I wanted to meet. Why did it not happen for me here?​

 

[Corny]

Well if he is telling the truth, he didn't get your cellphone number because he reached his message quota (if that website has something like that).

He could have gotten wet feet. Or he could really just not got your number until it was too late.

If you are interested im him pursue it further. If he does something like that again - move on.

There are many idiots around on dating websites .. that might make you become quite paranoid whenever somebody backs out of a date. Take a good look and give people a second chance. Sometimes they might be telling the truth

 

[dhchitown1984]

Well, there are a few things that could have happened. The easy ones are:

1) He's just not that into you
2) He really did run out of emails
3) He likes playing games

But, there could be a whole other string of possibilities. For instance, maybe he's not really all that Out yet and he's nervous? Maybe he's so new he hasn't learned how to politely decline, or not express interest? Maybe he thought your intentions were a hookup instead of a casual meeting? He could have thought things went a little too fast.

I'm on a few of the dating/hookup sites. But I make things clear in my profile. I say I'm not there to hookup. I saw I'm looking to make friends, grab coffee or a drink. If I think a guy is looking for a hookup, I politely remind them what my intentions are.

When I'm approaching someone, especially online, I throw a lot of questions out there to keep the dialogue going.... What do you do for work/school? How was your weekend? I see you're in the area, where do you usually hang out? That way, when I ask them for a phone number, I can tell them exactly what my motive is.... Hey, you're nearby and we both haven't been to that new restaurant yet. How about I hit you up closer to the weekend, and if we're both still free, let's grab a bite to eat?

Also, not everyone takes the sites all that seriously. If I haven't had a truly engaging conversation with someone, I'm not all that enticed to follow up with BigCock69.

But don't let it set you back - just change up your approach. Ask more engaging questions, give guys a reason to want to take the conversation off the internet. And also, give people the benefit of the doubt. The truth of the matter is, people really have no obligation to anybody they've chatted with for five minutes online. Not saying they shouldn't be nice and polite about it, but things happen - the dog has to be walked, their boss could call, someone could walk into the room and the shut down the internet window, their TV show came back from commercial break.... the list goes on.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

perhaps you're moving too fast

 

[amyleeisjesus]

I think you're coming on too fast. Some people need to test the waters more, which might be what he was trying to do with the IM. I would've taken his lead and left it there, then maybe brought up your number later in the IM conversation. I know you don't want to play online games, but people need to get to know you before they make the time to meet you in person. A few brief email exchanges often isn't enough. This is all especially true if you're on a dating site; I don't know if you're on Manhunt or Match.com.

If you're having recurring problems with this I'd suggest letting the other person set the pace. It seems you're trying to steer people in a direction they're not willing to jump to right away. If someone wants to IM, IM them. Or if you really do have technical problems with IMing let them know and ask them to text you instead. You also have to be careful about asking to meet up too much, either directly or by hinting, so you don't look desperate.

Finally, I'd be cautious in the topics you bring up. The link to the article with you and your crew is honestly probably not anything he cares about since he's really not invested in you at that point. Try to keep it very casual and less personal until you feel the guy is opening up more.

I noticed you kind of say "cool" a lot, too, so maybe you could switch that out for something else now and then. Not everyone picks up on that kind of thing but some are pretty observant .

 

[Greendragon]

Amylee makes some good points. Couple of things I would add:

- does your profile have clear, easily accessible pictures? Was this guy able to see them before messaging you? When you sent him that article with the picture of you, maybe he decided you weren't his type.

- I also don't really think he needed to see an article with you and some university students. Plus you gave him about four ways to contact you immediately. Better to just take more time and let the conversation grow. It's not clear to me whether you're looking for sex or just a coffee from these exchanges. Perhaps make indirect enquiries about what the guy is looking for? Maybe ask him what good gay bars (for example) there is in his town and then (later) suggest a meet.

Overall, I agree you are going too fast and could come off as a bit desperate.

 

[GreenLagoon]

I agree with the observation you may be moving too fast. When I tried a dating site it often took a few days before I would have considered meeting someone.

The other thing I will say from my personal experience is that a lot of guys are not good at keeping the conversation flowing. At first I was willing to work hard to keep it going, but after a while if it starts to feel like work I tended to fizzle out. What I mean by flowing is giving the other guy something that warrants a response, which often can be in the form of a question. When I composed emails to people it was a lot easier if I had a basis to start with rather than trying to find some way to begin. On the flipside I also caution against overdoing it. I had a few guys who sent me so many questions within an individual email I had to almost treat it like a check list, and needless to say that got old fast too.

 

[texan_slant]

This is another prime example of getting signals crossed over email/text/IM, and other faceless dating options.

Whatever happened to seeing someone at the bar, buying one another drinks, and exchanging phone numbers?

There is something to be said about eye contact.

If you wanted to hang out, or get together and have fun, as you mentioned, you might want to be more specific, cuz that could mean anything.

If the other guy asked you about IM, maybe he wanted to chat with you some more and get to know you.

If he says he is just now getting your last email, then instead of saying that I was "heading home", I prob would have asked him again if he wanted to spend some time together before letting the whole thing drop.

If he immediately showed you his photos, and you said that you wanted to hang out,