PLEASE HELP , I'm HeartBroken !!

[DeQwanNayshon]

Okay So I Have This Problem It's The One You Hear Often Of Falling In Love With Your BestFriend , Well I'm In Love With Him . He Knows I Love Him , But I Don't Think He Knows I'm In Love With Him , &nd I Just Really Don't Wanna Say Anything To Him About It .

Back In February He Brought Up The Fact That He Wanted To Have Sex With Me , I'm A VIRGIN , Mind You , I Was So Happy BC I Wanted To Give Him My Virginity Bad , But I Told Him Let's Wait Until Summer &nd He Agreed , Well Recently I Brought It Up &nd Now He's Saying He Doesn't Feel Right Taking My Virginity &nd That He Doesn't Have Sex With His BestFriends &nd He Thinks If We Have Sex Our Friendship Will Change .

He Also Said It Would Be Better If I Waited For Someone I Was Actually Talking Too , But I'm So Ready To Loose My Virginity Like I'm 19 &nd Tired Of Waiting , I Love Him So I Want Him To Have It &nd I Honestly Don't Think Sex Would Change Anything Between Us .

I'm Having Such A Hard Time Dealing With This , Like I Desperately Want Him To Change His Mind , I Never Wanted Someone So Bad As I Want Him .

Advice &nd Comments Please ??

 

[NCDogGuy]

Welcome to JUB.

Remember that a friendship is made of two people, and you only control one of the two.

You may feel that sex will not change the friendship, and from your perspective you may be right. But if he thinks it will, then I suspect it is likely it would change things from his perspective. And if that happens, then that means the friendship would change regardless of what you feel or want.

It sounds like he was very definite and clear about his feelings. You need to now ask yourself if you can respect those feelings and continue being friends.

It seems to me based on what you wrote that just the idea of sex has already changed the friendship some. He may feel uncomfortable about disappointing you, and you are struggling with your attraction and desires. Given that, do you honestly think actual sex would have no effect?

That doesn't lessen the disappointment or hurt. Those go away in time.

That's my 2 cents.

 

[Solid Gold]

As you will find out in life a true freind is priceless and you only get so many. A jump in the sack is easy and oftentimes less than the buildup that proceeded it. If he is a really good freind...enjoy that for what it is worth...if it goes foreward to more than that than it is meant to be. At 19 please don't push and rush...enjoy the glow of loving someone as a innocent...it is the best feeling you will have. Don't let the angst get to you. Good luck to you, the best is yet to come

 

[Solid Gold]

Damn, I before E except after C, sorry

 

[Newmercedes]

Ur best friend is Straight or Bi? Lucky you that ur best friend wanna have sex with you. I have a straight roommate- my best friend. After he agreed to show me his big, thick cock and he freaked out. I asked him if he can show me once a month and he said K. I have to admit that I love to see his cock cuz Its the nicest, thickest and biggest I never seen in my life. Later on He changed his mind And he told me he not gonna do it any more and he became angry. He told me he felt dirty???We got an agrument and he moved out. I did something stupid after that and we ended up become hating each other( We are cool now) but he refused to talk to me even though I say SORRY to him 1000 times. I almost killed myself when I didn't see him at my place any more and his empty room. I feel better now but I still love him and he were my best friend. The only thing different between you and me is I were very nice to him than any one he knows in his life. I gave him nice stuff, nice clothes and let him slight with his rent. I did the best for him and when it happened he washed away everything I ve done for him. I wish it not happened so he can be till my roommate but you know what his loss cuz he doesn't have too many friends like I do and nobody cares about him as I do. Life moves on. I have some new friends now and someday I hope I will find someone who don't play the game like him. My advice: JUST DON'T DO IT IF YOU WANT HIM STILL UR BEST FRIEND. DON'T MAKE OR FORCE HIM TO DO SOMETHING THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO AND MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE.

 

[Georgiadude]

Welcome to JUB.

this forum if FULL of threads like this as you have noted. Did you read them? A great deal of them have members crying about how they ruined a great friendship by having sex with their best friend. Of course there are a few where things worked out but not many. Your friend is spot on. Whether or not you think it will change things, in his eyes it will. He will see the relationship differently and that will most likely doom it. Don't pressure him into it. It's only going to drive a wedge between you guys. Be glad you have a friend that cares enough about you to say he doesn't want to risk losing you over sex.

Steven.

 

[Seasoned]

I'm glad you posted this and welcome to JUB. You don't mention your sexual orientation or his, but you are/were both obviously willing. So what do you think changed?

I'll tell you what I think. I think you both have different notions as to the importance of sex. Just from what you wrote I'm guessing you take it much more seriously and romantically than he does. He probably doesn't want to lead you on and you would be doing yourself and your friendship a disservice if you tried to lead him to believe that you have changed your attitude.

You are crossing over into the adult world of love, romance and sex and yet hanging on to the big adolescent piece of I want what I want when I want it. It takes some people a lifetime to give that up and some never do, but I can tell you that the whole world changes when you do. The difference is like going from tense to relaxed. In that relaxed state you are open and all kinds of things begin happening and all kinds of people are drawn to you.

Keep him as a friend. Reduce sexual tension when around him and take up something new like yoga or meditation so as to not be thinking of him constantly.

Good luck to you.

 

[racer2438]

would you rather have a great friend for many yrs or life.

or a friendship that gets torn apart by one night of sex, and someone that wont let go( you) and the other want to pull away as things have changed..

good/great friends are rare and few, but ones that stick with you no matter what are PRICELESS.

you need to respect his wishes and move on as hard as it may be, but you must..

 

[DeQwanNayshon]

OMGGG , Thank You Guys So Much For Your Input &nd Advice , I Really Appreciate It &nd It All Makes Sense . It's Just So Hard For Me To Get Past I Want What I Want &nd I Know What I Want , I'm Always Thinking About Sex Constantly &nd It Just Gets So Aggravating To Have To Keep Waiting , But I Think What Upset Me The Most Is That It Was Actually Going To Happen But Than He Changed His Mind ???? I Guess This Is A Good Thing BC It Shows He Really Loves &nd Cares About Me ?? Maybe He's Afraid He Would Loose My Friendship After Sex ??

Oh BTW We're Both Gay , For Everyone Who Asked Lol

 

[DeQwanNayshon]

It's Also Really Hard For Me BC Like I Said I Do Love Him , I'd Do Anything For Him , I Was So Upset By This I Considered Taking A Break From Him &nd Not Talking To Him For Awhile But I Decided Against It Because I Knew I Would Miss Him Way Too Much .

I Feel Like I'm Being Selfish &nd Only Thinking Of My Own Needs , But It's Not Like After Sex I'm Going To Be Like Hey Be My Boyfriend Now , I Wonder If He Thinks His Feelings For Me Would Change If We Had Sex , I Just Feel As Though I'll Never Get Over This :-(

 

[MoltenRock III]

It's time to lose the notion of an 1870s woman, twirling her hair dreaming about giving her virginity to her Prince Charming.

When you have an active sex life you learn that not every boy that pays you attention is "the one".

Additionally, has he had sex with others already? If you've ever had someone nipping at your heels with the virgin virus post coitus you'd get why I'm saying this. He may not be ready for that.

 

[hotatlboi]

Well you don't have to keep waiting if you want to get laid. If he doesn't want to have sex with you there's plenty of other guys that would lol.

Also, Why Do You Capitalize Every Word? It's A Bit Hard To Read That Way.

 

[DeQwanNayshon]

It's time to lose the notion of an 1870s woman, twirling her hair dreaming about giving her virginity to her Prince Charming.

When you have an active sex life you learn that not every boy that pays you attention is "the one".

Additionally, has he had sex with others already? If you've ever had someone nipping at your heels with the virgin virus post coitus you'd get why I'm saying this. He may not be ready for that.

I'm Sorry I Don't Quite Understand What Your Saying ??

 

[DeQwanNayshon]

It's time to lose the notion of an 1870s woman, twirling her hair dreaming about giving her virginity to her Prince Charming.

When you have an active sex life you learn that not every boy that pays you attention is "the one".

Additionally, has he had sex with others already? If you've ever had someone nipping at your heels with the virgin virus post coitus you'd get why I'm saying this. He may not be ready for that.

I'm Sorry I Don't Quite Understand What Your Saying ??

 

[DeQwanNayshon]

Well you don't have to keep waiting if you want to get laid. If he doesn't want to have sex with you there's plenty of other guys that would lol.

Also, Why Do You Capitalize Every Word? It's A Bit Hard To Read That Way.

Lol , But That's The Thing I Don't Want It To Just Be Some Random Guy I Sleep With , I'd Rather It Mean Something

&nd Sorry It's An OCD Of Mine , Lol ;-)