please help me out of this

[Quatro89]

hey,

Im originally from Turkey, but Ive been raised in Germany.
For some months now, I have accepted the fact, that Im pretty sure gay.

The first thing is that im not outed and I have never been out in a gay scene or somewhere like this.. so the only thing I did so far is that Ive logged in a social platform for gay people. One day I and saw another Turk there logging in, so I started talking to him.

Hes pretty hot and actually totally nice and friendly - we have already called each other and so.. so now the whole thing is, that I am younger than him.. like almost 6 years.. Im 22, hes 28.. And I cannot judge the situation, really.. Im pretty much into him and he will be visiting my city in some weeks, and he said that he is willing to have a coffee with me.. but honestly? I want more than that.. hes just perfect.. and I dont know how to tell him that.. I dont know if hes actually interested in me, because im younger and even the way he talks is more like an older brother does.. I dont know, its a really weird situation..

what should I do? It feels like im totally into him.. not loving him, but I dont.. aaah.. haha, please help me? what if were having coffee? how can I tell him, that I want to go home with him? IT IS SOO WEIRD, please.. need your help folks.

thank you in advance

 

[bhandsome]

First things first, welcome to JUB! I hope you will find the answers you are looking for.

Now, I too have just recently accepted the fact that I'm gay; I've only came out to two of my best friends. You said you met this guy online and he's coming to your town. I find no harm in having coffee with him but if you don't want to scare him off, please don't tell him how much you want him and his body; that's just creepy in my opinion. Plus you haven't known each other for that long, let things fall into place. If it's meant for you to be together it will happen.

Just enjoy the natural conversation and if things lead to sex then be safe.

 

[KaraBulut]

JUB hoşgeldin.

It's premature to move from meeting someone, having coffee with them and wanting to have sex with them.

It's also complicated by the fact that you're not sure you're gay and you're not very experienced in these things.

It is time that you start meeting other guys and trying to figure out whether you're gay or not. But it's not fair to try to use your friend in your coming out process. Don't expect more than just a friendly chat over coffee and don't ruin a good friendship by trying to make it anything more than just a friendship at this point.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. I'm glad you found the forum. Your situation probably isn't easy given your cultural background but how nice to have found a fellow Turk. Congrats on your command of English.

My advice would be to have no expectations other than having a good time with someone who's taken an interest in you. From what you wrote your new friend sounds like an honorable gentleman. Some neophytes are taken advantage of.

Enjoy the coffee and the friendship. Having someone of the same cultural background in your life could prove invaluable for years to come. And if it leads to more it would probably be a very nice coming out experience. Good luck. Be well. Be prepared to play safely.

 

[Quatro89]

Thank you all for the responses so far.

Okay, I think my expression was given a little bit wrong, I AM sure that I am gay lol, maybe it was hard to me yesterday to admit that, because I havent talked to anybody so far.

Anyways, I totally agree with you guys, my only problem is that I feel the sexual chemistry between us, although we only have talked through internet.. it is weird, I know, but still, it is the way I feel.. And I know that he is more into darkhaired people, just like me, and I am dark haired..
And Id say, if he wasnt interested either, he wouldnt talk to me for 2 weeks now.. I know appearance isnt everything, but still, it does count.
And I for myslef would say that I am actually goodlooking lol, without wanting to sound selfish.. but still, I am a little insecure when it comes to this topic, because it is so new.

Do you think that it is scary or frightening/anti-sexual for him, that I havent had any experience so far? what do you say?

Thanks again

 

[HunterM]

When you guys are ready to have sex, tell him it would be your first time having sex with a guy. Most guys are very understanding...and be more gentle to inexperience guys.

Have fun!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Quatro89,

Welcome to this forum. I am living in The Netherlands (also born in NL), but I have visited Germany quite often. I have also visited Turkey a few times.

Do you consider yourself as a German? Or as a German with Turkish roots? Or as a Turkish guy who is (temporarily) living in Germany?

On the one hand, this does not matter at all. On the other hand, I am aware that there are quite large differences between 'Germans with Turkish roots' and other people living in Germany. I assume you are a muslim (also not relevant at all, but it does matter on the other hand).

What I try to figure out is: 'what's your current situation'? Do you live in a 'traditional Turkish / muslim' environment, or are you living by yourself? This all depends. I mean, its currently no big deal at all for alot of German gays to be open. You will know as well as me, that German gays are everywhere in politics, and that most Germans don't care at all.

No problem at all you feel insecure by telling people over here you are gay. I can imagine very well, that you still feel scared when you use the word 'gay'. On the other hand, you don't need to use the word 'gay' ('schwule') when you feel yourself uncomfortable by using that word. Your sexual orientation is not towards girls, but only towards guys, and that's the only item what matters. You like guys, and most other guys like girls.

I think it is very good you make this appointment with the other 'Turkish' guy. Be aware that also alot of 'white' Germans like guys like you! Take your time, and just be open that you have no experience with guys / sex etc.

It is not too tough to meet a variety of German / German-Turkish / Turkish guys online, and you will quickly find out which ones are gentle / decent / friendly / educated (so just like you) and ones who are 'creeps' (or just guys who don't fit with your wishes). Also no deal at all to tell this guy X that you have not yet any experience with another guy. Good guys will understand this. You also don't need to be too shy to talk with guys / him about sex, but all depends on the type of friendship / relationship you have with him right now.

Please excuse me if I am abit vague, but keep asking questions if I was unclear at some points.

Best wishes & good luck.

 

[Quatro89]

Thank you everyone for your responds.

My situation has turned into this: We have met and had really very nice 2 hours of talking and laughing, and he was kind of flirting, and me too. First it was very "awkward", because ive never talked or been so open minded about this with guys, but then it was actually quite normal. After this I wanted him to meet up again (because he was here only for one week) but he never had time.. Today he called and said sorry, but he was so stressed, because this journey was planned many months before and he had had many appointments with other friends.

This really irritated me, because he was sending me a message after our date and was like "omg, i have had such a nice time with you, really liked you" blbala.. I know that he has an issue with my age, but he seemed to be over that lol. But why didnt he find time for example ONE hour? I dont know how "to interprete" that, is he only talking to me, because he knows that hes the first and only one, Im talking to so openly? Is he feeling forced to "take care"? It very weird.. I dont know what to think about the whole thing.. the funny part is, that I actually kinda liked him.. like "liking" haha, I was wishing for more (not even sex actually) but emotionally more..

Ahh, please share your opinions.. What do you say? Should I continue talking to him? Or is it just destroying me? Cause im sometimes waiting for message responses for hours and chekcing my phone every 2 minutes.. I REALLY DO LIKE THIS GUY!!! And how do you take your mind off him, are there any tipps?

Thank you in advance, dear JUB members )!

 

[Aymotin]

Easy mate

He is the very first person you ever met as a "gay guy", so it is normal to be taken away a bit from that. But don´t overdo it.

It is possible that he has no time, it is also possible that he is not interested in you in any other way than a friend. Accept that. Otherwise you will grow feelings and desperations until you get burned.

If you want to make out with someone, there is plenty of fish in the sea. I am german myself, so I know that try gayromeo.de for example.

Keep the friendship with him, but unless his behaviour changes, don´t except more. And don´t press it. No need to wait for messages or answer them asap.


This is a confusing time for you, we all had that, it is normal
It will get less confusing while you gain experience with other gays.

Be safe, have fun

 

[KaraBulut]

You met. You had a good time. You both liked each other. But he lives far away.

Be happy and accept it for what it is- a friendship.

It's a little unreasonable to expect him to change all of his plans to spend more time with someone that he just met and he might not see again for a while.

And that's probably the same way you should view this relationship- a friend, someone you can talk to but someone who lives far away which makes the prospect of something more than friendship not an option.

The best thing for you is to keep in touch with this guy but move on with your life. Find other guys. Date. Don't obsess about things that might have/could have/should have but won't be.

 

[Quatro89]

Okay, thank you. Honestly it was hard to read those 2 opinions of you guys, because it was like a slap in the face.. but actually I thought about it and you are totally right.
I have to calm down and in the meanwhile we have already discussed that..

He told me that he just wants friendship, but he would be very grateful if we would keep in touch via mobile, facebook so on and so on.. first I was very sad about that actually, but I calmed down and THEN wrote back in order to avoid a bitchfight, coming from me lol. I told and confessed him that I totally understand him and that I am thankful that he "had the nuts" to tell me that lol, because I started to get feeling for him. It was quite an interesting conversation..

Anyways, it still is hard, because I really do have feeling towards him. Really. It is actually not even anymore about having sex or so on.. Now its the emotional thing, I like him.

Well, at the end of the day I was like "people change, opinions change. Just give it all time".. and he was like "I totally second that, thank you that youve reacted so good"..

So. Let the game begin lol, no jokes..

Thank you for your help.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Your attraction is called the virgin virus. After spending your whole life, lying and keeping secrets, it's only natural to think you love this new guy you barely know. But trust me, you can't love someone you've only just met for an hour. Yes, you can be infatuated... But that isn't "love".

You're just coming to grips with your sexuality, so baby steps are great at this point. Keep expanding as a person!

 

[Kabluey]

Okay, thank you. Honestly it was hard to read those 2 opinions of you guys, because it was like a slap in the face.. but actually I thought about it and you are totally right.
I have to calm down and in the meanwhile we have already discussed that..

He told me that he just wants friendship, but he would be very grateful if we would keep in touch via mobile, facebook so on and so on.. first I was very sad about that actually, but I calmed down and THEN wrote back in order to avoid a bitchfight, coming from me lol. I told and confessed him that I totally understand him and that I am thankful that he "had the nuts" to tell me that lol, because I started to get feeling for him. It was quite an interesting conversation..

Anyways, it still is hard, because I really do have feeling towards him. Really. It is actually not even anymore about having sex or so on.. Now its the emotional thing, I like him.

Well, at the end of the day I was like "people change, opinions change. Just give it all time".. and he was like "I totally second that, thank you that youve reacted so good"..

So. Let the game begin lol, no jokes..

Thank you for your help.

Well, sounds like you've had your first proper crush, the first one you've really acted on.
It won't be your last, they're not always mutual, but the 'what if' feeling can feel good while it lasts.
Some crushes can turn in to something more (if you act on them), some don't - but the ones that do are worth keeping on.
And as you said, you are dark and handsome, which makes things easier .