Please help me to analyze my situation

[G-Lexington]

Tell your friend you need some time apart to get your head together. He should understand. Then work on putting your life back together. There'll be a void where the obsession used to be. Fill it. Fill it with quality time with your wife, or quality time with yourself.

Lex

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Thank you for your advice. But I don't think I have a position to say this to him because I promise to help him to find new clients in my native country. He also volunteer to take care of the paper work in his new company. We always say we will form a company together. It is so tough to serve any relationship with him. He is so caring person. I think that is a problem.

I don't think you understand my pain. But I will have to let him go.

 

[G-Lexington]

I understand the pain. But I also understand what needs to be done.

Lex

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Well, I have an update to my story and want to share with you. Although I claimed that I've tried to forget him, I could not do it at all. I called him again and again. He understood my pain and sometimes he offered some solutions like he would come and kick my ass to see wheather I still love him...

It happened that I came to visit his family again in the Chinese New Year. I had a great time with him and his family. Later, I came to visit his office again and spend as mush time to talk to him and watch him while he worked. I've realized he was so frustrated over me. We were to the point that we would not talk to each other again during the argument. I did a bad job to ask him something that he felt offended and I felt so embarssed. I cried and acted so weid and made him so worried.

I wondered if we don't have a history of friendship, he would close the door forever.

We were about to break the relationship. Sometimes I joked what if I won't see him again. He said it would be hurt for him too but if that would help me to overcome the difficulty, just do it. He apologied that he caused me so much pain of loving him.

I was so down and distressed

The night before I left the town. He asked me if I ever go to the gym. I said whatever. He drove me to a store and bought the gym clothes.

Well, I admitted I had a great time when he show me how to use the machine to work out. After the gym, he asked me to join the steam room. Well, he cover himself very careful and I was scared around with so many naked people, young and old. I fear of my erection. But the erection did not happen.

Then, he asked wheather I want to take a shower. Of course, I just followed him.

In the public bathroom, he dropped the tower and all I can see was his naked body. The beautiful and the humanity of affection and perfection.

The moment I saw it seemed the image has impacted me a great deal. Although it did not turn me on sexually, I felf extremely powerful. I felt so accepted to a community of many men around. He asked me wheather I want to use his soap. I said yes. I tried as much as a could to see him. He knew it but did not mind to look at me and kept showering. I did not look around me that there were so many naked people around. I was naked too.

When he finished showering he looked at me again and asked I am OK. Then, he said this is the as far as he and I can go. The big release for me. I stated to him. "So, I am not gay at all" He laughed.

I don't know whether he did this by purpose or not but he helped me to overcome my design. I suddenly feel that I can love him non-sexual way. I talked to him a lot and thanked him that we went to the gym togheter.

I felt enlightment about him and extremely happy. He was glad that I am in a better mantal state. Thanks God.

He is greatest guy I ever have in my life. I told him that my wonder about him was ended. I already saw him through the layer of clothes and accept the fact. The most beautiful image and the most handsome person I loved. My love for him of course, still the same but I am no longer in an obsessed state.

We talked and drank alot after that. He was so happy for me and then he talked again about his women. I managed the situaltion very well and warned him not to seduce me again. He admided that in his group of friends he said "I love you guy" for only few guy friend and I am one of them.

I can tell you much more about but I finally can convert from th obsession to the true friendship.

I did apology him my pervert comment he said he did not mind.

This is a totally happy ending for me. I learn how the straight people think and I hope there must be some rooms for straight/gay relationship.

Ruan