Please help me to be gay... I don't know what to do.

[ExileInGuyville]

Hey, I have a problem some of you guys could maybe help me out with. It's been getting me down for a while now.

I'm 22 and I've been openly gay for years, but I have no gay friends. Not trying to sound arrogant, but I'm really popular. The problem is that all my friends are straight. I'm able to go out to loads of different places and make friends really easily. Mainly girls (but a lot of straight guys too) always tell how I'm so easy to talk to and ask me how I make friends with everyone. When I go out to parties or straight clubs I'm full of confidence, love to dance, meet people and act like the life of the party, but when I head to gay clubs I'm too nervous to act myself. I feel like such an idiot around gay people, like everyone's judging me or something. The gay guys I've met are really bitchy about girls and other gay guys, while that's just not my thing. I find it hard to act that way. My only gay friend is a lesbian and she has a girlfriend now. We went out the other night to a gay club but I felt like a third wheel and didn't know anyone so I ditched it after two hours and went to a straight club where (needless to say) I quickly made three new friends and had a great time.

I've kissed LOADS of girls (for fun) since I've came out when I was eighteen, while I've only ever hooked up with a few guys in my life and the only time I went any further was with my friend who wanted to fool around (he now has a girlfriend for the past year). We just jacked each other off and that's still as far as I've gotten with a guy. Even as we were doing it, my heart was pumping like crazy, with nerves. I've gone to Gay Pride for the past four years but spent the whole time with straight people. My only true knowledge of gay people has been collected on this board, without even really interacting with people.

When I came out at eighteen I thought my sex life would be so different in four years, but now I'm finished college and besides a jerk-off session, nothing has happened. Don't get me wrong, I'm super proud to be gay, but I just gel with straight people, I guess. Recently, I've confided in my friends about my love life but they can't really help me either because I'm the only gay person they know. They say that they just want to see me happy.

My friends are great, they're super supportive and love me a lot but I just wish I had gay people to at least hang out with (if not more). I beginning to doubt my looks, my body, my personality. I can't sleep because of it. I get these horrible thoughts that all my straight friends will find life partners and I'll still be left alone. Sorry about the rant guys. You probably think I'm being really melodramatic about this problem but it's seriously getting me down. If you guys would have any suggestions, they would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks.

 

[TX-Beau]

So you are super easy to get along with....... unless the guy is gay.

No offense but despite what you posted, if this is true, you have gay issues.

I particularly want to bring up the "bitchy," thing, while there are plenty of bitchy people gay, straight or otherwise, I'm always suspicious when anyone says that they've only met bitchy gay men because wherever you are, I can confidently say that there are plenty of non bitchy gay men in the exact same space.

It smacks of stereotype, which makes me question your glowing rendition of how happy you are with your own gayness.

 

[aaggii]

This is just an idea: does your lesbian friend have other gay friends? See if you can stick with them, probably go out at a gay bar together. maybe you gain confidence to go alone next time, since you'll know what to expect.

 

[ExileInGuyville]

Hey TX-Beau,

I didn't mean to sound homophobic. I know there are loads of friendly gay guys out there and that why I'm here, asking for help. It's just the one's I talk to, seem to always negatively comment on the strangers around me.

Hand on heart, I am proud to be gay. I work with LGBT kids and I'm confident I make a valued change in their life. I actively speak out against homophobia and have in the past. I enjoy being something against the grain, and as a film student, I specialised in Queer cinema.

Sorry, if I offended you. I think came across wrong in my opening post. I'm proud to be gay, I just don't feel like I'm part of the gay community. I just don't want to feel as alienated in four years as I do now.

Aaggii,

My lesbian friend pretty much exclusively hangs out with lesbians, besides one other gay guy, who I have talked to a few times but I get the impression that he really doesn't like me. I think he think I'm trying to take his place as her male friend, or something.

Thanks for writing back, guys.

 

[mc7777]

I can't help but think maybe they are "bitchy," to you because you are easy to talk to? You said you like to interact with people. I feel the same way as you. I though have been really working hard and forcing myself to interact. If they are bitchy, why not just listen to them, let them get it out of their system? ("seek to understand, then be understood") I am also reminded of the book "how to win friends and influence people," specifically where it says to be genuinely interested in what people are saying. Gay people have a lot to say (bottled up inside) and suffer many social issues being gay. Your proud, out, and like to help youth; extend that in your demeanor and go interact better! Good luck and hopefully you gain some ideas!

 

[Seasoned]

Our emotions give off vibes and your confidence goes away when you're in a gay venue. My suggestion is to make gay friends away from the club scene. Let your interests lead you to gay social organizations where your personality can shine and you can be less intimidated. Gay or straight, people trash talk. Once you get to know people you'll have a better sense of the seriousness of such comments, some of which are probably just camp.

In any case, having gay friends will put you more at ease. Good luck!

 

[The lad of night]

whole topic summed up with a simple quote- awesome

 

[ConfusedJew1]

....maybe you're not gay? What makes you think you are?