The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

please help me

T

touchles

Virgin
Joined
Jun 14, 2009
Posts
30
Reaction score
1
Points
6
Location
no
I recently met a nice guy on a gay dating website. I've been talking to him for almost a month now. He lives in the city I go to college in, but I live about 2 hours away for the summer. Last week he drove up here to meet me for the first time. we went out to eat and went back to my place, where we eventually had sex. I enjoyed it and like him alot, and I can tell that his feelings are real and that he likes me. However, yesterday he told me that he's been in a relationship with another guy for almost a year. He told me bc he didn't want to hurt me anymore than what was already done. He asked if he should just stop talking to me, but I told him no and that I wanted to still talk to him. After talking it over for a while, we decided that we still wanted to see each other and have sex, but that it would just have to be discreet. I move back to college next week so I could see him everyday if I wanted. I know that cheating is wrong, but I feel strongly for him and I can tell that he feels the same way towards me. I need some advice.
 
Dump him. As strong as your feelings are, is just not right. If he loves you, he'll end his relationship with his boyfriend. Trust me, it always hurt when your boyfriend cheats on you.
 
touchles said:
I recently met a nice guy on a gay dating website.
Click to expand...

Do nice guys cheat on their bfs, then make arrangements to keep cheating on them?
He obviously feels more strongly for his bf than you because he only wants you as his mistress.

Do you really expect a guy who is in a relationship AND on a dating site to remain faithful to anyone?

Don't be a doormat all your life.
 
Time for a reality check. You don't know if he has feelings for you in fact all you do know is that he's been lying to you from day one.

Then he bags you and suddenly he:

"...can't hurt you anymore...?"

You seem to be fine with knifing another guy in the back - in a manner which had it been done to you, you'd be in here crying to the heavens.

So maybe the two of you deserve each other.
 
Listen to your own heart, and not to people who say dump him or fight for him. You have to be in the driver's seat on this.

The reality is that he's cheating on his bf, and it's natural to wonder if he would do the same thing to you, eventually?

That's something to consider. But, at the same time, things could be rocky and on the outs on his relationship and it's time for him to move on and he knows it, but hasn't acted yet. You really need to figure out whether you're a fling to him, or whether you're showing him what a good relationship is.

I have been where you are now. For me, it worked out in my favor and we've been together over 15 years. It was risky for both of us, though. In my case, it was worth the risk. Both of our friends were saying "dump him" because, frankly, we were both having affairs in meeting. But, in so doing, we found out who we really wanted and made it so.

So...follow your heart and the situation. Only you can size him up and what he's all about. Good luck to you--I hope everything works out.
 
Have a heart to heart with yourself. If you're ok with this ending someday or with a confrontation with the bf do what is best for you.

I was married and had affairs. Am I proud of that? No. At the time it seemed like the only choice. Some people can't or won't make a clean break, but remember the bf is the one he has the history with. I fault him for telling you after he hooked you with sex, but, in the end, he's the one cheating and if it wasn't you it'd be someone else. What matters is whether or not you're content with him going home to f the boyfriend, and no matter what he says they are still fucking and he may have more than you on the side.
 
several people have asked you how you would feel if he were cheating on you. fact is he HAS been cheating on you all along. remember that feeling you had when he told you about his bf. now magnify that by a million after he dumps you to stay with his bf. this has heartache, pain and misery written all over it. your setting yourself up for all of it. Im sure he tells his bf how strong his feelings are for him every night too.

Im not excusing the fact that your perfectly willing to knowingly help him cheat on his bf for your own gratification. however if after taking a long hard look at the man in the mirror your still willing to let him use you for his gratification.....knock yourself out.

Steven.
 
Here's the problem with your situation: it started with a lie of omission (meeting someone on a dating site who was already dating someone else) and it has continued through your enabling of a situation under the excuse of "I feel strongly for him and I can tell that he feels the same way".

People who care about each other are willing to do what it takes to keep that relationship. He isn't willing to do that, so it's apparent that he doesn't care about you as much as he cares about the other relationship.

Every day that you waste on someone who won't commit to you is a day that you could be with someone who is willing to make that commitment.

You're the one who has to decide what you want here.

You're young. Don't start your dating life settling for less than you deserve. If this guy isn't willing to give up his real relationship to be with you, then you're the one who is settling.
 
id say, why not? youre both behaving like scum, so i guess you desreve each-other? i guess i was with you until you dropped the "we just have to be discreet"-thing. poor other guy.
 
I just read the best thing I've ever seen on happiness- in a book titled "As We Are" by Don Clark PhD. He's written several good books on gay themes. It was said by the author's friend, who goes unnamed, but who was a European trained psychoanlyst of the old school.

Q: How does one go about achieving happiness?

A: You don't achieve happiness. You go chasing it and you waste your life. You must look for satisfaction. Find out who you are. Be that. Make your life satisfying. Then comes happiness- free.

So my suggestion would be to do what feels right for you, and ignore all else.

Good luck (!)
 
Shawn1 said:
So my suggestion would be to do what feels right for you, and ignore all else.
Click to expand...

The problem with this advice is that there is often a big difference between what feels right and actually doing the right thing. Feelings are never a substitute for good judgment. Good judgment should have told the OP to run from this guy as fast as he can. His feelings have told him to enter into a relationship with no future.
 
Do yourself a favor and ditch him. If he won't respect his boyfriend, what makes you think he'll respect you? You're worth so much more than this.... and you deserve so much better. There are so many more fish in the sea.
 
You're the other guy. Even if he left his boyfriend for you, it shows you that he doesn't value his relationship or staying exclusive so it would eventually happen to YOU.

If you're okay with open relationships, not being the only one he's faithful to and don't care about hurting the other guy, then by all means, carry on..

But you should leave him alone. You also shouldn't wait for him to leave his boyfriend either. He's not the only guy in the world.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top