Please Help Return Nigerian Astronaut Trapped in Space

[T-Rexx]

A Nigerian astronaut, Abacha Tunde, has been trapped in a Russian space station for 14 years. Tunde is "The First African in Space" and was abandoned there by the Russians when the former Soviet Union collapsed. He's okay, because the Russians continue to send him occasional supplies, but he needs $3 million to pay the Russians to come get him.

You won't be able to Google anything about Tunde in English, because his mission was top secret. Nobody knows about him except a handful of Russians and me. I only learned of his sad fate when his family (who happen to be Nigerian royalty) emailed me for help. If you don't believe me, there is a description of his predicament in Italian here (okay, a few Italians know about him, too).

It happens that Tunde has accumulated $15 million in back pay while he has been trapped on the station, and he is willing to share 70% of that ($10.5 million) with anyone willing to put up the $3 million necessary to bring him down. Tunde would just pay the money himself, of course, but he is trapped on a space station at the moment (Duh!).

Won't you help bring Abacha Tunde back to earth? If you send donations to me, I will make sure they get to the proper Russian authorities, so that we can get this poor fellow home. Bitcoins only, please.

 

[Vitamin]

Hahahahahahhahahaha

 

[FPNY]

Wait.....did you call my house today?

 

[Vannie]

I will send stuffed cabbage right away.

 

[NotHardUp1]

I will never again look up into the dark night without wondering if I just saw him.

 

[vidarr]

I will send stuffed cabbage right away.

He's going to need a lot. Store all that methane gas for the shuttle ride home.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Astrophysicists refer to this only in code, as the "dark matter."

 

[Yooper]

....looking up my Paypal account right now....

 

[Vannie]

He's going to need a lot. Store all that methane gas for the shuttle ride home.

Its too dangerous! He might go further into orbit

 

[Cormac135]

He must be gagging for it.

 

[jbrown329]

With apologies to David Bowie.

Ground Control to Abacha Tunde..........

 

[rareboy]

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I just sent my last million to the family of another Nigerian Prince.

And only stand to make 8 million.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Has anyone else noticed how flat the earth looks in that photo?

 

[MrRochesterNY]

Is this a joke?

 

[Stardreamer]

It's quite amusing that it references a legitimate Italian news story that you can pick out the name and things from to make it look like a story about this guy. But if you translate it, Google Chrome's translate feature is the best thing since sliced bread, you find it's a story about how this email is a scam.

 

[SaulRabbit]

Is that Nigerian astronaut well endowed?

 

[star-warrior]

Is that Nigerian astronaut well endowed?

Yes, he's got 15 million, and is willing to let you swallow 70% of his big endowment.

 

[pat grimshaw]

After you have all helped return the Nigerian Astronaut Trapped in Space you might have some spare cash for the Nigerian Ex-Student Trapped in Britain.

He overstayed his visa by five years and he's now asking your cash donations to get his Hepatitis B treated there along with permanent residency.

(His name is Luqman Onikosi)

 

[HornyJock]

Is that Nigerian astronaut well endowed?

I heard he needed a modified space suite to accommodate his BBC.

 

[Cormac135]

I heard he needed a modified space suite to accommodate his BBC.

Did someone mention BBC

"Hides from Refuji"