please help

[darren181990]

ive been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months, we are engaged, but recently he started chatting to an old friend, from here he started writting a letter to the guy saying how much he loved him, i confronted him and he said that hes just joking around and does that all the time, but he insists he loves me, help what should i do?

x

 

[3nipples]

Writing to a guy telling him how much he loved him? I'm guessing that you must have read the letter. Was it written in a way the recipient would understand it was a joke? It doesn't seem very plausible that way.

 

[darren181990]

to me it wasn't written in a joke way, which really upset me x

 

[KaraBulut]

It's possible to love more than one person.

As long as he comes home to you and has made a commitment to you, then don't give it too much thought.

 

[backpacker]

After seven months you certainly should know his personality and know it this is the type of thing he jokes about all the time. If it doesn't make sense, it's probably not true.

 

[darren181990]

thank you peeps, but still dunno what im gonna do x

 

[Georgiadude]

has he strayed before? Did he cheat on someone to be with you in the beginning? I believe someone that cheats once is a lot more likely to do it again. Not a certainty but I've seen it happen quite a bit.

this is very dangerous ground. Yes it is possible to love more than one person and there are different ways of loving someone. I tell my family I love them all the time and even say it to some of my friends. That doesn't mean I want to have a life long intimate relationship. It means they are close to my heart and I would do almost anything for them. The love in a intimate, sexual relationship is on a different level. It's dangerous because if you over react and blow things out of context it could ruin the relationship. If you don't do anything you will always be suspicious and feel like you are feeling now.

My advice (for what it's worth and thats not saying much) is to sit down and have a serious talk. Make sure he knows exactly how you feel about him and his other situation. Let him know how much it hurts you. Don't get angry or read anything into it. I suspect that after you have a long talk with him you will have a better understanding of what is going on and you will be able to decide if you want to make this work or if it's broke beyond repair.

Good luck and I hope things work out for the best.

Steven.

 

[darren181990]

thank you so much steven, i really apriciate what you wrote x

 

[csrt8089]

One of my friends once told me that 90 percent of the things we say are just a joke or that we're "just kidding" are actually true. I'll admit that if I said I was kidding and someone told me that, I would say that this is one of those "10 percent" times, but honestly, I've found that there is usually almost always some thread of truth in whatever it is I'm saying. I'm not sure if this helps or even makes sense...

I do think you should think about this seriously and not blow it off as people being able to love more than one person. I've always believed that to have a successful relationship you need to have great communication--so I agree with what steven had to say whole-heartedly. Sit down in a way that it doesn't seem like you're attacking him and have a nice chat about it--let him know how you feel.

Hope this helps some.
Best of luck!

RT