Please Read

[TriBi]

I haven't been in that situation either - but what came to my mind when I read this was "do they have grief counsellors" where you are?

I have heard that they can be helpful in helping people understand the grieving process and enabling them to move through it and get on with life.

I hope you find an answer.

 

[star-warrior]

I'm sorry to hear about that.

What's happened can't be undone, how ever much you feel. I guess we never think such things would happen, and so not talked about what to do in such an event. I'm sure he would want you to be happy, no matter what, and you have to move on. I know it sounds harsh, but the pain will subside, even though the fond memories will make you sad. He'll always be a part of you, and that's something at least.

 

[rotary]

I can't begin to imagine the pain you're feeling...so sorry to hear about this.

Time will play an important part in overcoming the pain and sense of loss. Perhaps there are some support groups in your area that meet regularly to help people deal with losing loved ones?

 

[Kurn]

You're more than welcome to unload every little or big load, one by one, or all at once, here on JUB. Ignore any passing ignorant wise-cracks (which will be few) and --- well, we're here for you!
And we've got a world of perspectives.
And we love to just help any way we can.
So feel free to share your miseries with us so we can learn how to help you get healed up. That's the best kind of learning and we need it as much as you!

Bitter, bitter it is for you. But live for him---and for the next person who needs your steady warmth.

 

[KennyD]

I am very sorry for your loss . I've never had anything that dramatic since the loss of my mother two years ago .... My heart and sympathy are with you .
Most Hospitals and/or doctors offices can help put you in touch with a grief counselor and even breavement groups that are FREE ...... Go to your local hospital and talk to the social services there ...

 

[hurynwait2]

Please know that we are all here for you.

 

[jockboy01]

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it is on you. The grief counselor is a good idea. And I know one other jubber that has lost a bf so I'll try and get him to comment on here as well. Take care and post as often as you like.

 

[thewiz]

I would concur with the grief counselor idea. I don't know that much about you or what activities you are involved in, but I would suggest trying to get out and interract with others if at all possible. My best friend (who is straight) accidentally ran over his son several years ago. I was in a ministry at the time and worked with his wife and him for a number of months. He told me later that it was my inviting him out to lunch a couple of weeks after he returned to work that helped the most; he said it was very easy to sit in his office or at home and totally withdraw from contact with others. I would not suggest you go out alone; if there is someone that can go with you and see when you are comfortable or getting uncomfortable...do so. I had to watch my friend because he could only take so much out the first time. We went out several times and he eventually was able to work through his pain.

My prayers will be with you. Losing someone you love leaves a large hole in your heart; often times it is created by tearing away that loved one. It takes time to heal and know that the scar can be picked and hurt and probably will for some time.

 

[dkonfrost]

hey there, first off

i understand how you feel and the pain you're enduring. i went through that when my boyfriend of 4.5 years died from surgical complications in april 2005. 5 agonizing days in the ICU as he slowly slipped away (thankfully he was kept asleep the entire time) from me and his family hurt like hell, that was one of the darker periods of my life.

like the previous posts have said, friends and family are a tremendous support system, as they too have lost someone dear to them, and they are folks you can lean on when you need it. find comfort and solace with them, it will help to be with them and talk about your grief, as well as the cherished memories you had with your boyfriend.

you never stop missing the person, but the days will get easier to bear as you go, as life does continue, however, your support network will make the difference as well.

please feel free to PM me if you need to, ok?

 

[hermanding]

there's nothing anyone can really do or say. talk to us. we're here. i hope i'm never in that place you're in right now
ding

 

[123kid]

hey, i lost 3 close friends within the last 2 months and i can more then understand the grief and anger you feel. the best thing is a counselor. family and friends can be good, but it helps to talk to an unbiased person so you can tell them the crazy things that go thru your head for sure. i saw and am still seeing a grief counselor and will for sometime. it has helped me a lot.
p.s. if you need to chat send a message anytime i'd be glad if i could help

 

[tommy296]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my boyfriend three years ago, and I do recall what it was like for me, but everyone's different. First, let me tell you it does get better. The love doesn't go away, but the pain gets much, much better with time.

Some things that helped me get through:

Be very nice to yourself. If you're having a tough day, go get a massage or see a movie or indulge in whatever you like to do that is positive for you.

Take the time you need to grieve. Everyone does it at their own pace, so don't rush yourself.

And be prepared for surprises - there are times I'm having a really wonderful day and I'll hear a song or see something that brings back a memory and it brings me to my knees all over again. But those become fewer as time goes by.

Don't be afraid to cry. Get it out if you need to and don't give a damn who is around or if it's appropriate or not.

Take the time you need to be alone, but don't isolate yourself and don't shut out people who love you. The ability to love and be loved will help you heal.

For me, everyone seemed to move on a week or so after the funeral, and I found myself very alone. So, I told my friends that I needed them (when I did) and asked them to understand when I needed to be alone. Just clear, honest communication with them got me what I needed to get through, and actually made us all even closer friends.

I had trouble sleeping for a while - my bed seemed too large and too empty. Extra pillows in front or behind me helped. It was something to snuggle with.

Those are a few things that helped me and hopefully they will help you as well. Please feel free to pm me if you need a friendly ear - I'm happy to listen and help if I can.

 

[colemanshs]

I am so sorry for your loss. We all are here for you. We all need a shoulder to cry on every once in a while. Mine is open to you.

 

[looseliam]

It's been said before and I'll reitterate it. Counseling is one of the best options availiabe to you. Perhaps some medication to take the edge off for a while.

Your county department of health should have resources for you in this department.

You've experienced trauma. Not physical, but mental. And thus a trauma conselor would be your best bet.

And no words I can find would lessen your pain. But remember, this too shall pass.

 

[jockboy01]

i feel as if ive lost all control in my life

Well, I don't think any of us really have control of our lives in the first place. Maybe you've just lost the illusion of control.

And yes, what a terrible year 2006 was for you. May 07 prove to be the light at the end of the tunnel. And again... counseling is really needed in cases like this.

 

[Twisly]

I am sorry for your loss cumshot. I hope that you'll be able to recover soon.

TC!

 

[Craiger]

Cumshot,

I am so sorry for the loss of both your boyfriend and your brother. You have many caring friends here and we all want to help you in any way we can. I think the pointers tommy296 has posted are ones that can help you very much as well as the idea of a grief counselor. Please don't wait too long to find that help. We all will keep you in our prayers. Let us hear from you often.



Craiger