ii
I want the sea
Not in that desperate way, not in the way of old when I wished for you to come with me there, when I was afraid of going there alone and thought only companionship would make the water wet enough
I want the sea on the hot days again, waking early and then, the train ride to the lip of the water. I want the blue waters again where I remembered and then built up the sea hut long knocked down, forgotten and drowned, I need the water
Last night I dreamed of him. Last night we were making love together and he was not alone. He brought his summer boy with him, those two eager lovers kissing me, and as he prepared to leave and I prepared to plant the tree in the deep earth, I found him in the closet and he said remember the sea hut, I have not forgotten the sea hut and I said there is so much forgotten and so much lost and so much never appreciated and, I think you underrated my love. I made love to the back of you. I put my tongue inside of you and you offered me your cock. I had the both of you before I left and in longing I woke up alone in the pewter grey morning, mourning nothing, remembering the love once put up in the old sea hut, remembering the water, dismembering all the cold of this past winter, preparing for the sea hut
O corey, I was and am and will remain this unrepentant slut. You didn’t even tell me his name when you brought him over to the apartment of orange and yellow, the apartment where night is always outside the window, the place of four o clock in the morning. We drank vodka and numbed our tongues on rum and marijuana and we were naked and didn’t give a damn on that bed and when it was time for you to be leaving I followed you, got on my knees and thrust my tongue in your ass. I couldn’t get enough of your cock. Your friend had put his blue jeans on, but then I pulled them down and had him too, the both of your
and you all still had not left come midmorning.
This is the land of fuck and dreaming, this is the land of weed and wonder, thunder on the land the thunder from the sky, thunder cross the waves, and across where we lie together, together, warm together with the memory of love.
I have said the spell to return to the island, I have said the spell to return to the island, last night my screen turned upside down at he flick of a button, and all the world had gone around, I lit cigarettes and cast a net over the mermaid’s head, should have gone to bed, but up we stayed till late singing old songs and weaving new wishes,
look, I found that old tee shirt in the closet and it smelled like must and basements and years gone by.
I thought of years gone by, don’t let this past be anything but the foundation for what is to come, don’t be lost in the labyrinth of regretting
make from what was a house of what is. This is the business of memory
we are well into the morning and I am still not awake enough for this,
my eyelids are still stuck together,
I listened to bullshit and noise like the squawking of crows,
more and more, my ears filled with foolishness until this moment of silence.
I need to wash my face,
I need to wipe the gunk from my eyes
I need to clean my glasses to I can see again
I need a cigarette