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Poems

the reworked of the earth part one

Not in my head, this knot in my head, this heaviness of eyelids, as if the night before we wrestled with an angel,
sometimes waking is like walking around with black eyes,
waking like a boxer.
Midway through I got up and shook out this foot on the one leg shorter
than the other, the foot that survived the car accident.
I stretch out the cramp and stretch out my will, limp
out like to make the coffee and stop the dreaming.

Sometimes life is a grinding thing, you sit here and think,
shall I season the meat and refrigerate the meat and cook
this or cook that, it’s all too much to worry about right
now with this elephant on my head, when there is this
cloud on my head, back stiff from bed, and I haven’t even
wiped the sludge from my eyes.
This is the sludge from which the world was born.

I still believe one day I will wake up full of life and not curse a room full of shit and sunlight be the go getter you see on TV, well up by ten thirty and
I will move on with my day,
move through it swiftly, gracefully, getting it done,
not being this lazy holy fuck that I’ve become
and here is the relief
cause movers and shakers don’t think
and go getters never reflect.
There’s not time to think about reality when you’ve agreed to someone
Elses
But for my recalcitrant ass
it always took an hour to blink into the world
and the sky was always a little grey, and I never liked the sunlight in my face.
I always needed this second cup of coffee
Someone out there gets up at seven and sings while making egg white omelets.
Some sad fuck tells you he’s glad he gave up smoking and pleased at the
thirty pounds he put down.
But I took them up, and, think on this, every morning I rise to write poems,
and that was why I came here
I resolved to be this person writing poems,

Look here, to follow your resolve looks like this.
looks like headaches and cramped bodies
The doing is never glamorous
The doing’s always full of doubting
And that is why the doing is so seldom done.

All through the morning, scribble down your poems
Take the knife off the altar
Get your mind in order


I had something to bring to you, but when I came, my hands were empty.
The song in my mouth unraveled to air, the words to nothing. I had rivers to say to you, but they were swallowed in blackness and the whiteness of air.
Waiting in patience is the most neutral of things.
Having done all you can do you, do a little more and find silence.
But, what? This silence cannot be enough. This waiting, but…
but sometime waiting is whole that can be done.

In the morning when I do not have to rise to tend the children,
I sit here and let words drip from my brain,
the little shower of rain and the lit candle, the thoughts I dandle
like a baby, are the fruit of using underemployment.
And I am poor, but not as needy as I think, and I looking at all
the normal people I called myself the wretched of the earth.
But wretched is the shirt and tie, and wretched is the working till you die,
smiling to make other people happy, wretched is the routine,
the memes sent back and forth from your desk, learning to live
in regret.
We, who have too much time, and too little comfort with the way
Things are, blessed are we.
We who wish for normalcy like it is a luxury,
are the reborn, the skyborn, the earth born,
the reworked of the earth.
 
Hope you don't mind but I have a lot of these, they need to fall like the autumn leaves.

DEAD INSIDE ROMANCE
I have known what it is,
To be happy and only his,
He took the broken ground,
and fixed it so I could go around,
He took my sadness, he made it fly,
far away so I wouldn't cry,
I never felt the nights so cold,
He cured the air of dust and mold,
The night you left I still remember,
how it felt in our club, the only member,
The others they scream so loud,
They try to help but its all just sounds,
Only water can revive a dying plant,
So here i wilt, dead inside romance.

Pink Diamond
 
the reworked of the earth part II

High above, in the industrial heaven of the gym ceiling, the lights clunk on and off like a great engine, winking in and out of darkness, and as they shuff and hum and groan
then come back on,
I’m left in wonder. Just a minute before that thunder came the message that the kindergartners would not be coming today, so I stay in the office and take a nap and when the janitor comes he says: “Did see when the lights went off? We were all talking about jesus when the lights went off, and you can tell there’s more to this world than appears. You can tell there’s more going on and there’s not just us. And surely, we’re in the last days. Surely we’re in the last days.

“When I was a boy I asked my mother where hippies came from and she thought awhile before she said, hippie parents, and we are in the last days,
and working in a convent changed my whole life, and now I live before God and try to get it right,” that’s what stan the janitor told me, and though I don’t take on his whole theology, I remember the prayer, now is the age, now is the age, now is the age of darkness, plant, plant the name of God, plant the name amen. And then stan says, “You can’t always get it right. Now you can’t always get it right.”

You sit on this beat up sofa at nine a m, and I wonder when I’ll see you again.
We both pretend this separation isn’t real. All night, I thought of you and you of me. All night I smoked and drank and sat in sorrow till I stank, and then at last rose in the hot night to shower. The purple clouds were placed like rags by witches over the moon and in the Midwest we all had muddled darkness. Now this morning, when you are there, and I am here, I hardly bother to dress, and you don’t even dare to feel.
And as I sit here at nine a.m.
I wonder if I’ll ever suck your cock again.

Then riding the bus down Western the woman said to me, “work’s not till tomorrow so I’m off to the plasma center. I need my mouth wash. I need that wash, I’ve had a shot of beer,” and said get a good full drink at the water fountain and she said, “Dear, I think you’re right.”
Beer and blood, and blood a life, and there are harder things here,
and the world is done in by storms and quakes and we worry so we wake to fear from nightmare and surely we are the reworked of the earth, the reworked of the earth.
my
You sit here at ten a m, and I wonder when I’ll see you again.
We both pretend we’re not scared of the court date. All night we smoked and drank and almost wept until we wept
and in the muggy summer you shower. The telephone wires are already lined with birds and the bed’s still rumpled, gently damp with the spicy smells of you,
I don’t bother to dress
And as you drive a way at ten a.m. I want to sit on your dick again
Like I did last night, when we tried to fight the feeling of our fears

The new age hippie said “Look, I don’t want to burden you with all that religion,” so he took all the gods and goddesses out and sang some Indian hymns squeezed in and out his accordion, and told us worship was all self help,
he should have said we were a river that goes into the sea, the river is you and you are me, and God is the ocean and God is the sea and he lives in you and he lives in me and we are the reworked of the earth, and we are the reworked of the earth.
 
the reworked of the earth part iii

By the end of the day there was a knock at the door and Alex wasn’t
surprised when Rob was standing there looking jumpy and amazingly hot.
“Whaddid you mean by what you said?”
“I mean I saw you on the net. I saw your—”
Rob put a finger to his lips and pressed inside the apartment, closing the door behind him.
“You can’t say shit like that.”
Alex raised his eyebrow.
“Were you trying to make me feel weird? Or embarrassed?”
“No,” Alex said. “I was trying to tell you I want you.”
2.
When she was a little girl she almost died in a swimming pool, she says, she did and I believe her. She went past the blue into the white into the white beyond the white and saw past angels, churches and jesus, she said she saw into everything and when she returned she burned to let the world know.
“and I’m standing here, teaching these kids who never listen cause this life has to count for something, and there’s more to this than what we see and she busts her ass every day and busts her head all night, the exhausted of the earth, the blessed of the earth, the worked up and worked over of the earth and glory hallelujah, behold, hallelujah, the street preacher screams the kingdom of god is on its way and cannot even see the kingdom of god is here

He put down his beer and wiped his lips, lamented, jesus is coming any day, “look at the way we treat each other,” and the bus driver headed down Western, rolling over broken roads says “things can’t go on like this, kid shot over there, and kid shot there and kid shot there this weekend, he was sixteen he’s just too young.”
“It’s all too young,” we chorus, me included back, and she shakes her head and says, “well the book of revelations says, the book of revelations says, and you know, you know, she says, jesus is coming. The lord’s returning any day.”
I have to say, if he hasn’t come already, we are running out of excuses for that old story, squeezing all our juices into this deadly cup of bullshit. Till the soil of your heart, until you see Him there. become the reworked of the earth, bear the seed of God in you.

3.

The first time Alex and Rob had sex, they were sitting on the couch
and Rob said, “So whaddo you wanna do?” and Alex put his hand on Rob’s thigh,
and that’s why Rob put his hand on Alex’s, and Alex moved closer.
Massage his thigh, massage desire, open up this boy’s shorts, stroke him s through his underwear. Yes, right there!
Do not dare to not moan,
Groan
and lean your lovely head against his shoulder, open your mouth a little.
Rob’s green eyes closed to slits. His mouth reached up for Alex’s the same time
Alex squeezed his dick, and when Rob turns and thrusts his tongue into his lover’s
mouth, the flat of Alex’s hand holds Rob’s balls, hot and hanging.

They are both naked and pulling out the bed, then on the bed, twisting together.
Rob pulled Alex’s face up. It wasn’t just head he wanted.
He wants eyes and arms and lips and tongues and kindness.
He wants to look up at Alex in love and bind his face in love, to kiss him,
press his body up into a man who wasn’t that last bastard, and not the others
so quickly forgotten, who slaked the need.

Fucking together, thrusting together, moving together, loving together,
working the dirt to life again, the reworked of the earth.
 
There is the final part. I finished it tonight. I'll just post the rest of it now. Or maybe it's not finished, maybe this is just the fourth part and there's more???



iv

This can’t be all about you
Just because of what we shared in some dark room, that your stupid ass can hardly remember
You were half smoked out, half high in shades, cared for little but yourself and that’s why you are where you are now
And it’s not that I was a saint giving up my life, but it was the first time, you and your friend, that I had given myself to two men, and I was perfectly in command and you were perfectly nude,
I rode you, then I rode him,
From one to another, and I would have done it better if I had done it older and you said
will you eat my ass out
and he did
and you asked me if I could take the both of you at once
and I said it’s time to leave the sun is rising
I wonder if it’s changed you, if prison’s made a man of you or if transformation is the kind of magic that takes even more than that.
I regret to tell myself I think it does, these words take time and money’s spent for every single word that’s sent
I fear, without resentment, you might still be too dumb to understand that.
Summer turns to fall I want to hold on and I sit mourning like a lady with a miscarriage, shut my legs to this as the blood and flesh fall out and I cramp on yesterday
Summer turns to fall and summer turns to fall
And all my green leaves blood red
I cannot hold it at all, no I can’t hold it all

When you remind me of the red altar, I get on this black robe and take the walk to the red castle
cross the bridge and cross the moat and on the island make read to make the sacrifice, to ready all I have been holding onto. To let others see what all this time what I only gave to you, bear the chalice, bear the bread, bare your throat and make it red, as the leaves as the blood, as the sunset we’re sure of, the hap’ning river and by the key, bind the old Persephone

He said to me
Remember when I was on my knees in the dark, and you fucked my mouth and I thought inst that good isn’t that good, and you slid in and out of me and said, oh my god, that’s so good, feel that wood, and because of that burial, all this time I’ve een loyal to something that should have only been a moment.

He said to me
“Remember the green lights and the red and the yellow in that merry room in December when everything was hot as breath before I lost my mind and ran away, when you and I were we, do you remember all those nights I moaned while you fucked me under the Christmas tree?”
And I said I remembered when he lost his mind and vanished, and it has been some time since I have thought of fucking him in the lights of the Christmas tree

Men are not forgiving because they do not believe they’ve been forgiven
How can you believe you’ve gotten something you so loudly say you do not need?

I strip off pants and shirt and underwear, stand fat and naked in the mirror, think of myself long ago and the stupid mistakes I made
I didn’t have much wisdom then and can’t be sure I have it now
I go to the island in the river
I go to the island in the river
You change when you sit by the river
Under the pillars I prepare the offering
Stand fat and naked mirrored in the water
With a witch’s necklace and a dangling chain
 
I really appreciate that. I thought I was done, but I'm not sure that I am. I think you sort of showed me that.
 
mabon



The autumn is the holiest time of the year
So many poeple longed for the first budding leaf, and there are boys and girls lined up in black who tell you how much they love that black and dress up their depression in the black lipstick and clove cigarettes,
return to the mouth of the mother with all your fear,
remember why it was that you first came here, lift the knife and trace the secret star, remember how far the journey was to get there

There is a toadstool under a tree, and there are three geese flying ‘cross the lake,
there is a one for the money and a two for the long tall white boys,
and three for the I can’t remember now,
There is a remedy for your pain, there is a magic spell for that, there is a river for that, there is a chanting in the woods for that.
I sat on the floor with the lights turned out, to see what the magic in my head was about,
I lit one candle, took a piece of wood, to see if all my thoughts were good
I lit the incense to someone no one ever sees.

This is the temple of the name, everyone who ever came here stripped off their skin and built it with their bones. This is the tabernacle of the name, everyone who ever came here built it from their blood and lined it with their teeth.
This is the temple of the name
No one ever came here before you

Do not be so fearful of the future thirty years too afraid to embrace
the joy that’s set before you.
Blessed is the day and blessed is the even when the cup of life is set before you
Blessed when you take the earthen chalice, the bowl of stone and blood.
Your mother and your father inherited ages of despair,
now let me teach you how to be happy, now you want to hold his hand,
you know you’re thinking of that man, you know you want to sit in a chair
beside him.
You cannot hide it.
Every day you dive to pain, cutting insane round the fruit to miss its glory
Wholly cut around the rind and taste the sweetness beyond bearing.

I was twenty, now I’m forty, I looked young for twenty years, and now the fall time rolls o’er my body thinning out and making fat, pulling down and pulling in,
so I stood on the summer island that is now beneath the sea where the sun had made the rocks to stink of clams and mussels and of ink.

In my head I said to him, “You were another one of them, You never did appreciate everything people did for you, you never did appreciate it and I wonder if you do now, but I doubt, I won’t make you live without it, but I’m not going to pay”

I will go to the flooded island
I will go to the flooded island in my hat and in my cloak,
I will go to the flooded island.

The other day I went to an island that is now beneath the sea, and as I stood there amidst the clam shells, and the sticks and the debris, I said these dry rocks will be covered any day now
Any day now, any day now
They shall be received by the water
when the waters, when the water takes it autumn toll.
 
when the pornstar came to town

The porn star was in town,
Or maybe he wasn’t
He was at the hotel, telling us to come to be fucked and to watch the fucking
Or maybe he wasn’t. The pic of him on grindr said he was there, and now he is seven hundred miles away. So maybe, maybe it really was the magical pornstar. Maybe just down the street from me was the thick dicked fucker of all our dreams, the one who in his videos groans and bellows when he comes, whose perfect forty year old body rams in and out like a passionless piston while asian boys scream ooh daddy

On his twitter there are videos of boys he’s fucked in hotels rooms. He offered to fuck me
For a price
Maybe.
If it was him.
He offered to make me eventually anonymously immortal never knowing that if I wanted to be fucked like a dog and have my asshole bent over by assholes I could easy have it done for free in the privacy of my own home
Every man is a porn star
Every man is covered in entitlement and jismed in self hatred, every man thinks he deserves far more than he gets and knows that he is nothing.

I don’t want to write about the porn star who may or may not have come to town but films his conquest in motel rooms to adoring fans who say, I wish that was me, I wish that was me, I don’t want to write about people longing for abuse, I don’t want to write about the school day I needed to relieve me from my private pain, I don’t want to write about the IRS and all the other dragons trying to take my money, and honey, I don’t want to write about how hot it is today. I want to write from the inner place. There are forty nine dragons I can’t see, and a lot of other bullshit chasing me,
and after the island, the island, the island was flooded, after the island the island was flooded, ninety degree days in october came to burn me
 
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