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Poor relationship with sibling

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ridinghorses1

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Hey all,

I need some advice on dealing with my younger brother. Growing up we were very close and shared alot of the same interests, but somewhere along the line, around the time I started high school, we grew apart from each other. Nowadays, we both do our own things, and I sometimes attempt some small talk with him, but they never really amount to anything. He's just extremely socially awkward, really into computers games and crap. On top of it all, my relatives and parents are quite aware of it and blame me for it. What do I do? Do I just wait until he matures and then try to start something back up? Does anyone else have any similar experiences? Its not a good feeling to know that I'm almost emotionally indifferent towards my own brother.
Also, I'm sure that he knows I'm gay because we used to share a computer and I didn't bother to hide any of the porn, I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I'm not out to my family at all.
Thanks (*8*)
 
Just say hey listen bro can we talk or we need to talk!

In the end family is all you have!

Thank god my other 5 siblings & i get along(me 50 miles away) from them
 
ridinghorses1 said:
He's just extremely socially awkward, really into computers games and crap.
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Did you think that you're overly social and computer challenged? ;)

A LOT of kids are into technology and frankly they need to be to be compeditive in todays future job market.

Just talk to him about his interests and what games are good right now.

You be surprised, he's a normal kid and you're doing your thing. You don't have to have similar interests to be good friends. You're his older brother so he probably still admires you as such. Just talk to him.
 
ridinghorses1 said:
I'm not out to my family at all.
Thanks (*8*)
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Well, how can you have a relationship with your brother if it's based on lies. Lies to which he's privy to, since you didn't hide the porn. Maybe he's gay, too, and terrified. Or maybe he knows you know he knows you're gay, but isn't sure what to say?

You're the older brother. It's your job to come out to him. Otherwise, he will get the feeling you are ashamed of it, and maybe of him if he's gay, too.

You're welcome. (*8*)
 
spencer said:
Did you think that you're overly social and computer challenged? ;)

A LOT of kids are into technology and frankly they need to be to be compeditive in todays future job market.

Just talk to him about his interests and what games are good right now.

You be surprised, he's a normal kid and you're doing your thing. You don't have to have similar interests to be good friends. You're his older brother so he probably still admires you as such. Just talk to him.
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Lol, true, I can be socially challenged at times too.
In terms of his interests, thats what I've been trying to do, talking about games and stuff, but it gets boring after a while..
But when I think of it, kids that are into computers are pretty common, I like my computer alot too.

Lube said:
Well, how can you have a relationship with your brother if it's based on lies. Lies to which he's privy to, since you didn't hide the porn. Maybe he's gay, too, and terrified. Or maybe he knows you know he knows you're gay, but isn't sure what to say?

You're the older brother. It's your job to come out to him. Otherwise, he will get the feeling you are ashamed of it, and maybe of him if he's gay, too.

You're welcome. (*8*)
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If I come out to my brother, my whole family will know. Yeah, lies.. but coming out to my family isn't something that I want to risk right now, especially since I'm in college and can't financially support myself. My father is clearly anti-gay and is frankly quite wonky.

By not coming out to my family, I think I've distanced myself from them somehow, I don't really tell them whats going on with my life or who I'm dating, but I'm not terribly upset by it. I've just learned to accept it for what it is.
 
I found that the best way to deal with little brother is to give them the illusion that they are under control of situation. I wouldn't advise to just go up to him and just ask to talk to him. He probably will react like any typical teenager and that is: stare at you, think you're up to something, don't really listen, ignore you or just give the typical 'yea yea yea I got it'. Especially with kids that enjoy playing computer games, don't mess with them when they're in the middle of playing their games. They will end up hating you more. Why don't you start with small gestures? Ask him if he wants a piece of chocolate that you're eating? ask if he want to go to the mall or watch a movie with you? play sports? Starts small and go one small step at a time.
 
hotb0d said:
Ask him if he wants a piece of chocolate that you're eating?
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LOL thats so funny! HEY LITTLE BROTHER, WANTS SOME CHOCOLATE? I GOT A SECRET TO TELLLL YOU!!!! <3

But yeah, I might take him out to some place sometime.
 
ridinghorses1 said:
LOL thats so funny! HEY LITTLE BROTHER, WANTS SOME CHOCOLATE? I GOT A SECRET TO TELLLL YOU!!!! <3

But yeah, I might take him out to some place sometime.
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Not like that stupid :P God! You fail as an older brother. You know just some casual moments. You walking around the house eating a chocolate bar, see your brother sitting on the couch watching tv and whatnot. Pop over, flop down on the couch and go, "hey. want some chocolate?" It's like trying to flirt, but with your brother LOL. one seed of care at a time. If he doesn't want any chocolate then just say, "oh okay". Another time then :) this is just dealing with getting you and your brother to a better brotherly bond, the gay thing....just leave it alone lol.
 
ridinghorses1 said:
By not coming out to my family, I think I've distanced myself from them somehow, I don't really tell them whats going on with my life or who I'm dating, but I'm not terribly upset by it. I've just learned to accept it for what it is.
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That includes your brother. So why are you surprised that he's not into you or your life.

The poor kid! You basically indirectly let him know that your gay, but refuse to talk about it. How do you expect him to feel? Warm and cuddly? Frankly, you come across as a psycho. You're indirectly telling him that you're ashamed of it.

And, again, what if he's gay? He's certainly not going to tell you. Your role-modelling gay-as-dysfunctional. Not something for your little brother to emulate.
 
"It's like trying to flirt, but with your brother LOL. one seed of care at a time."

LMAO, thats even worst, hotb0d! Do you offer chocolate to everyone you flirt with?

Lube:
The poor kid? Maybe he is disturbed that he know that Im gay and that I'm not out, maybe he does feel strange that he knows a secret about me that no one else in the family does. But do you think its really think its tearing him up inside?

But like I said, I can't come out to anyone in my family until I'm standing on my own foot. My families not the most progressive and I just can't deal with it right now emotionally.

So what if I'm a bit psychotic, what can I do. Its runs in the family, my dads even more crazier, and even my brothers a bit wonky. Ands its not like I purposely tried to show him I had gay porn on my computer, I tried to hide them in folders, but I'm sure he always ended up finding them.. I wasn't clear about that before, but it doesnt really matter anymore.

And I honestly don't think he's gay, I've seen his nekky pics of girls in his computer, I don't have to worry about being a "model gay" for him.
 
No I don't give chocolate to every person that I flirt with. I tend to like chocolate so I keep them to myself. If I give you chocolate, that means I like you a lot that I would share lol :)
 
hotb0d said:
No I don't give chocolate to every person that I flirt with. I tend to like chocolate so I keep them to myself. If I give you chocolate, that means I like you a lot that I would share lol :)
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Aww, can I has chocolate then? (*8*)
 
ridinghorses1 said:
Aww, can I has chocolate then? (*8*)
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Maybe if you do something naughty, I will. But then I would probably just stare at you while you do your naughty stuff and eat my chocolate lol :)

*breaks off a piece of his chocolate bar and gives it to ridinghorses1*
 
Aw, thanks love! I could use some imaginary chocolate as I mope around thinking about my dysfunctional family and my supposed psychopathy.

So is anyone else actually in a similar situation?
 
Well, why does your family blame you for him?
 
They beleive that since I'm the older brother, I'm responsible for everything, that I'm suppose to be his role model, and my parents pretty much want to use me to tell him stuff that they've already been pouring down his ear. "Why don't you talk to your brother much?" My mom asks me that from time to time.

I overheard her talking to my father one day, and she said that I was nothing like her because she thinks I'm a cold-hearted person for not talking to him much. One of my cousins also told me that my father begged her once to talk to my brother. To be honest, I think my parents and even myself to an extend are just worrying too much. I think hes happy with his computer games. He even has his own friends. I hope that he'll grow out of his awkward teenage stage - heck we all were there - and learn to communicate with the world properly - not just me.

Is my gayness really the cause of all of this? When I think about it, not entirely. I don't think my brothers the only one who knows. I can be quite feminine sometimes, so I'm sure everyone in my family thinks that I could possibly be gay. But if it is, then god damn me for being gay and being in the closet, god damn me for being a psychotic asshole who lives a life of lies and has no emotions what so ever.

I know that coming out of the closet is one of the steps I need to take so my family can know the true me, for better or for worst, but its not something I can do right now. Sigh..
 
If your parents worry about your brother, they should talk to him then. The only bad thing that I see is bad parenting skills. You're his brother, not his parents. Like he would listen to everything you tell him. Just give one more try with the brother and tell your parents that. Tell them, "okay. here's the deal. I will do my best to hang out with my brother and connect with him. But if nothing change than it's not my fault. You talk to him."

If they blame you than that's even more shitty.
 
^ Exactly.

Your parents are supposed to be the role model, not you! I can't believe they are dumping that guilt trip on you. Shame on them.

Look, sorry I said you're psychotic, OK? (*8*) It's just that you're not giving your brother a very good image of gays.

Maybe you should tell your parents you're gay, and if they have a problem with that, tell 'em that they were your role model, as any parents should be. Then see what they say. :badgrin:

It sounds like your brother doesn't communicate with anybody. So why are you taking it so personally? Ignore your crazy parents.
 
You should just try to find things to do with him, just the two of you like see a movie or something then talk to him. Tell him you miss being close to him. There is no reason at all that you shouldn't be close to each other still.

His being socially awkward is nobody's fault but once you get closer to him again maybe you can help him with that. I used to be the socially awkward sibling to my older sister so I know what that's like. You both are really lucky to have each other. I always wanted to have a brother to be close to. I am really envious of guys with close relationships with their brothers.

Just make the effort and you two will be best buddies again even if you have different interests. I imagine there is nothing like having a brother.

Oh and I think you should try to repair your relationship with him first before you even bring up being gay.
 
Don't feel you need to accept responsibility - they are doing a shitty job as role models to you so why do you have to be one to him. I do, suggest, regardless of the gay stuff be close with him. He is your brother, your blood, work hard. I have an adopted brother and we are totally different and my parents always take his side. I am the outcast. I have four biological brothers in Colombia that I want to hunt down and Pray to God I can soon, older brothers, guidance I always wanted. Granted I am not necessarily a fuck up, I give myself a lot of "credit" in the sense I know what I accomplished single handedly by God and got through by God.

Focus on getting and maintaining a close, healthy relationship with your brother. if you can't be who you are now with your parents - whatever - then try to get good friends you can trust that aren't users. I've been down this road a little, trying to give some good advice
 
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