Possible jealousy issue after a hookup need some advice

[jbrock585]

ok, so im having a torn feeling after what happened to me on saturday night and into sunday morning, earlier last week my best friend was talking to a guy who ive had the hots for for about 2 years now, granted my friend "hank" isnt out yet but took a shot to talk to him, it was setup they were going to hookup saturday and i was gonna host, well my involvement was to hang with them we were going to drink and i would just watch them.

fast forward to saturday night me and "james" got off work at the same time, now ive talked to him online but never in person, i picked up hank and we decided to get a hotel instead so we all could have privacy (i live with parents), we got supplies for the night and checked in, james shows up and we have a few drinks were chatting having a bit of fun, well eventually they get into it and hop into the shower, eventually i go in and i eventually get involved, i hop in mainly rubbing james and kissing him up and down his back, it goes further but to save time ill skip ahead.

by this point after the fun is done ive had a bit much to drink, we go downstairs and smoke real quick and im being told to lay down to sleep, at this point i think jealousy kicked in, i got in hanks face because i knew they were gonna do it again when i layed down (which happened), i woke up at 6am and finished my 5th of vodka and was pissed off, i know it was a stupid idea. my main issue is that they are going to do it again but hank feels bad in a way because im not involved but james said he had keeping up problems and he isnt really into me sexually. ever since sunday ive had sleeping problems and cant eat.

my question is that am i jealous? or am i feeling guilty idk what the issue really is, im happy hank is wanting to do this often with james but at the same time im irritated because im not involved or im losing time with my best friend. any suggestions or advice?

 

[hylas]

well, what youre feeling isnt jealousy, but envy. jealousy is the fear of losing something (or someone) you have, while envy is the frustration of seeing someone having something (or someone) you want but dont have. clearly, in your case, its the latter.

linguistics aside, how is "dont get into stupid situations" for advice?

 

[rollex_2000]

get over it it's envy and jealousy together. Any time you are not ready to 'lose' or 'share' part of closer person don't introduce a third into your 'relationship' whether that is a friendship or partnership or love or whatever you want to call it

 

[Croynan]

it's called Much Ado About Nothing.

eM

 

[TriBi]

It was suggested by a poster that this thread would be more appropriate in CO&R - and given that this forum is a 'no flame zone' and caters more for sensible discussion of this sort of situation, I agreed.

 

[Seasoned]

Three ways and insecurities do not go together. There are at least 4 kinds of 3-ways:

1. Three complete strangers

2. Two friends and a stranger

3. Three friends

4. Partners and a pick-up

Numbers 2 and 4 can be troublesome if the friends or partners aren't equally involved. There's no accounting for chemistry or attraction.

 

[jbrock585]

well ive discussed it and whatever i felt before is gone, i guess i just needed to talk it out, but now there is nothing heated with us now, i understand his interests and sometimes i dont need to be involved, which im ok with, i know one day ill find what im really looking for and he will understand as well

 

[palemale]

I recommend that, since you appear to have trouble controlling yourself when you drink, don't drink so much before a 3some.