Possible to be hetero, but have gay fantasies?

[conwelljerry]

So here's my situation...

When I was growing up, my best friend and I would jerk off/ mess around with each other. I was always attracted to girls growing up, messed around with females as well, but felt more comfortable exploring with the same sex.

Anyway, I've had girlfriends before and have always felt happy and satsified with them. I never had any gay fantasies when I was with them.

The problem is, here I am at 24 years of age, and I have no girlfriend right now and haven't for awhile. I have frequent gay fantasies (corbin fisher type porn) and I masturbate to those thoughts. I've even acted on them a few times, but the real thing was not nearly as satisfying as the fantasies themselves.

At this age, I feel so depressed not having a girlfriend. Most of my friends have girlfriends and/or getting married. My gay fantasies are a constant set-back to me - it's like "how can I be hitting on this girl when last night I jerked off to gay porn?" It's like a vicious circle, and I feel I lose out a lot on dates because all I can think about is my "other side."

My question is: can anyone relate?

Any thoughts/comments?

Thanks guys!

Love, CJ

 

[G-Lexington]

I don't see why not. The best thing about fantasy is that you get all the positives without any of the negatives. So you can fantastize about having sex in public without worry about the ramifications of getting caught, or about getting used and abused by a crowd of people withouth...well, without getting used and abused by a crowd of people. If you're enjoying the fantasy more than the reality, stick with the fantasy.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

If I understand your post, here's the dilemma:

1. You're bisexual with attractions to both men and women
2. You look to women for relationships
3. You look to men for sexual fantasy
4. Your sexual experimentation with men has been less than satisfying
5. Your relationships with women are strained by your sexual fantasies about men

Have you dated guys or is this all about fantasy and casual sex?

 

[landers]

Part of the reason you why you might be unsatisfied with man-sex is because you probably think that sex is something you're supposed to be doing with a woman. You say you want a girlfriend but have you ever tried just looking for a partner and forget about what sex they are?

 

[mascbiguy]

sounds like youre BI man, just relax and enjoy it. have fun with guys, have th relationship with the girl you want.

 

[Maccabee]

I can totally relate to your story. I also have fantasies about sex with boys and though I'm still not sure what it exactly means. Do I want to spend the rest of my life with a guy? I don't know... That's why at this point in my life I'm just exploring relationships with boys. And if it doesn't work out, then
I really felt that putting too much pressure on your feelings creates depression. You shouldn't judge your self and just follow your feelings. And don't make a problem about jacking off to gay porn and then hitting on girls.
I do understand your feeling about missing out on dates with girls while exploring the gay world. I feel the same. But on the other hand I really want to go through this phase. In that way I can never blaim myself in the future.

 

[954dude]

Don't label yourself, it'll only frustrate you. Putting these fantasies you have to reality aren't always fulfilling. Keep on trying to go for what satisfies you and makes you happy.

 

[conwelljerry]

Thanks guys for all your responses, in particular, those who sugges that I "not associate labels with sexuality." This is precisely what I do, and I agree that I need to just go with flow.

And KaraBulut: No, I have never tried dating guys. Please do not take offense, but yes, it is a sexual thing with guys. I have no emotional attachment to guys, as I do with females. I strongly feel (as many here will probably relate to) that if I had not had a best friend growing up with who encouraged such "playful, sexual activity" between the same sex, that I would not be here right now typing. I have fallen in love with a girl before, and the experience was tantalizing (we were very much sexually active). I am not saying that I will never date a guy period, but at this juncture, it is not something that I want to do.

I strongly feel (as many here will probably relate to) that if I had not had a best friend growing up with who encouraged such "playful, sexual activity" between the same sex, that I would not be here right now typing.
- Any guys feel the same way about this statement?

 

[954dude]

^^ I understand where you're coming from. I never had any playful, sexual activity with a guy until I was 18, so having exposure to these things at a young age definitely is a factor.

 

[KaraBulut]

And KaraBulut: No, I have never tried dating guys. Please do not take offense, but yes, it is a sexual thing with guys. I have no emotional attachment to guys, as I do with females. I strongly feel (as many here will probably relate to) that if I had not had a best friend growing up with who encouraged such "playful, sexual activity" between the same sex, that I would not be here right now typing. I have fallen in love with a girl before, and the experience was tantalizing (we were very much sexually active). I am not saying that I will never date a guy period, but at this juncture, it is not something that I want to do.

I'm one of those who does not believe in labels either. Things in nature are seldom purely black or purely white- shades of gray are much more common. So, why we always want everything and everyone to be 100% gay or 100% straight seems to make little sense.

On the other hand, the definition of bisexuality is that you are open to relationships with either sex- physical and emotional. You're at a place in your life where you're looking for sexual satisfaction with men but emotional satisfaction with women. If you're happy with that- well okay- but I get the impression that you're not completely happy nor are you completely satisfied.

It just seems to find peace with all of this, you need to find the middle ground. And I suspect that if you do find an emotional relationship with a man, a lot of things will begin to make more sense.

 

[conwelljerry]

^^ I understand where you're coming from. I never had any playful, sexual activity with a guy until I was 18, so having exposure to these things at a young age definitely is a factor.

I couldn't agree more that the young age is a big factor...(and please note that I do believe that one can be born gay, however I also believe social environment can play an enormous role in one's sexuality).

And Karabulut: Thank you for your opinon - I do value it, and who knows, maybe down the road you may be right! We'll have to see!

One more thing: I think it is absolutely a wonderful thing that sites like this exist...to have the ability to understand that you are not the only one who struggles with sexual identity, and to be able to discuss it openly with people from all over the world, is a tremendous thing. God Bless!

 

[Rex]

About your comment regarding your freind who you played with.

I had an uncle who I guess you could say was a child molester. He fondled by balls/cock when I was younger and I'm thinking it might have a connection with me being gay. Not that I enjoyed it when he did it but it just might.

As kids, me and my cousins were always depantsing each other and wanting to see each others privates out of humor and that might have something to do with it as well for me. I ended up having an obsession with wanting to look at cocks. =0