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Possible to *become* outgoing?

  • Thread starter Thread starter slobone
  • Start date Start date
S

slobone

Guest
Yeah, just be yourself. Anything else doesn't work.

That doesn't mean you can't work on having more enjoyable conversations. One tip is to encourage your date to talk about himself.

When he says something, ask followup questions: "Why do you think that is?" "How did you feel when that happened?" or if the conversation is really dying try "What do you think of Hillary Clinton/Paris Hilton/Channing Tatum" (as appropriate). Guys love to be asked for their opinion.
 
slobone gave the advice I was going to give

Yeah, be yourself and be open to hearing different opinions and points of view. By doing so you'll remove that invisible fence that may or not exist around you and allow him to get to know you

Enjoy your date and best of luck. Let us know how it went
 
You can learn to be MORE outgoing - and in fact you probably should. You may never become the heavily outgoing party animal, but you can hold your own at cocktail parties and the like.

Slob's got the right idea. Most parties don't need more talkers, they need more listeners. Meaning GOOD listeners - ones who pay attention, ones who ask appropriate questions, ones who keep the conversation going. This is something I used to REALLY suck at, although I'm slowly getting better. And as I get better at it, I find more people are enjoying me at parties. :) So give it a try.

Lex
 
Good advice so far. You described yourself as "cold looking." Just in case you don't already do these things, here's some stuff I would suggest:

- Smile more
- Smile first
- Speak first. Don't wait for someone to say "hey" to you first. You go first.
- Look people right in the eye. Don't look at the floor all the time.
- Compliment them about something you honestly like/appreciate. If you make them feel warm & fuzzy about themselves, they'll feel the same way about you.
- Make a habit of asking people questions about something you talked about when you saw them last. It lets them know you were paying attention (read that as: you're interested in them as a person)

Like the others said, get people talking about themselves. The more they open up to you, the more comfortable you'll feel about opening up to them.

Good luck, man!
 
I'd say that after the date is over, if you really like him, tell him. Don't let him walk away thinking that you were feeling frosty toward him. Get any possible misimpressions out of the way.

For the larger problem at hand, everyone else's advice was pretty good. Just try relaxing and saying something a little each time until the barriers start to melt.
 
have a couple shots of vodka before the date. that tends to loosen me up a lil.

:)
 
It's me from a different account cause apparently I misspelled my email when I registered and couldn't reset the password.

Thanks for everyone's great advice! The date tips should help. Why I became introverted? My growing up days sucked. A mix of homophobic parents and people taking adventage of my lowest points. That was a routine for years so I just started growing a dislike for people in general and preferred staying home instead of seeing other people. It may sound exaggerated but it was justified. I'll turn 19 in 2 months so I have to get over that immature thing. Not everyone sucks. Let's say I can still make a conversation and stuff like that, but I don't feel completely free and not self-conscious during it. I just want to make it possible to go back to what I was because even though I'm over some "things," everything did end up taking its toll. It's hard to believe that people that shouldn't even matter have had such an impact on my life.
 
If you don't feel awkward or self-conscious on a first date, then you're probably doing something wrong! Everybody feels that way.

Just don't over-analyze or kick yourself in the butt afterwards. Just keep trying, find ways to make yourself get out there and meet new people. Remember they're probably just as nervous as you are.

Good luck, and keep us posted. Did you have the date? How did it go?
 
I'm kind of like you and I can't fake an outgoing disposition no matter how hard I may try. So I just bring it up if I think its getting in the way. Because in that moment, I'm very real and I start to relax. That is, when I'm talking about my feelings.

And if that goes well and the other guy has some empathy or understanding, then I suddenly lighten up naturally because I am happy. I hope this makes sense.
 
Well, there wasn't a date. He had some kind of business he had to take care of and I'm about to get ready for a vacation. Not leaving a great impression on me and I think he's lying. Thanks for everyone's advice anyway, it should help regardless of this guy.
 
Too bad, sorry to hear that. Well if he's a flake at least you found it out early.

Keep trying, and keep us posted!
 
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