Possibly Gay, Maybe Bi? Confused

[Txgoodoldboy]

Welcome to JUB! When I decided I was gay, I asked myself, Do I get off at looking at girls? No. Do I get off looking at guys? Yes! Well, I'm gay. Each guy has to answer his own questions about himself.

The important thing about sex these days is to wear a condom, especially, when getting fucked.

Use the search function on JUB and check out the message boards.

Just don't take things posted on the forums, too seriously.

Relax and enjoy yourself on JUB.

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

I totally agree with thatdog.

 

[momp57]

Welcome! Your story very vividly reminded me of my situation at a similar age oh so many years ago. I was in a straight relationship, but was more turned on by guys. When I finally found myself in a bit more passionate gay situation (kissing and spending the night vs. a quick trick) it just felt right. My best advice is to be yourself. Good luck!

 

[Eagle653]

Hi curiousjimmy and welcome to JUB and to this forum! It's good to have you here and glad you posted.

You described, very well, the story of many men on here. Many of us were, at one time, where you are now. Some are there now. So, whatever you think, you're not alone.

Whether you're gay or bi is for you to decide, but I wouldn't put too much emphasis on labels right now. Rather, I think you're trying to find your "center," who you are and where you're going with all this.

No one can speak for you, but I can speak for me. I was involved with several women in my life, when I was younger. I liked to fool around with guys too, but found women attractive (still do), and could get it up to have sex. It did become harder as the novelty of a relationship wore off, and as I got older. I realized (late by some standards) that my "attraction" to women was more of a societal expectation of me, as well as a cover, as well as an elaborate way of convincing myself that I was anything but gay. In the end, the stark reality hit me and when I finally came out to myself, it was like I exited from a long tunnel.

Each of us goes through a different path. And, there are many men who are geniunely bisexual--feeling attraction for physical and emotional relationships with women. Maybe you are that. Or, maybe you're really gay. It's for you to figure out. I can tell you, though, that most geninuely bisexual men get off with a woman if they're with a woman--they don't have to think about a man to get turned on and finish the deed. If they're with a man, that's fine too.

Good luck with your journey. Like I said, many men are, and have been, dealing with the thoughts and feelings you have. We hope you stick around and let us know how you're doing.

Again, welcome.

 

[jockboy01]

Yes, I think the story you tell is very similar to a lot of our stories here. It is a matter of social conditioning in direct conflict with innate (some argue that it's not innate, but I still think it is) desires. For a long time the social conditioning wins but eventually the reality sets in and the deconditioning process begins. I agree that I hate labels so I wouldn't worry about them. And you're right, there are a lot of "str8 acting" gay guys. I would say to meet more gay guys in a non sexually charged environment before you decide one way or the other. You may find that a relationship with a guy is something you want. Just my thoughts.

 

[confusedboy23]

Firstly, welcome to JUB.

There is not much I can add here but I might just say that unexpected things can and do happen in life. I was pretty much in the same boat as you are in right now because I never thought I would fall in love with a guy too. But somehow, that was what happened!

Having sexual encounters with guys may help with your sexuality discovery but it does not define it. It will take a lot more than that because your sexuality is not simply defined by sex. It goes deeper and beyond that hence you will need to do a lot of soul searching before you would start to accept yourself.

Don't bother with labels. You are who you are, a unique being! Gays are not all flamboyant and there straight boys out there who may act gayer than most gays! Labels are just a way to stereotype people and it causes confusion when one can't seem to fit in one.

You have said it for yourself that you would not be in a hurry to get another girlfriend if you were to break up. Well, that's a good idea because you won't be hirting anyone then. Get to know yourself better and get to know other guys better (I don't necessarily mean sexually, but emotionally and intellectually) because that will help you determine if you really can connect with guys more 'completely' than you can with girls.

Good luck.

 

[drhladnjak]

I agree with what most guys have said above already, but I just wanted to add that from what you've written I'd say it's much more likely that you're gay than bi. Maybe I'm reading too much into things but it seems to me that deep down you suspect you're gay but you're sort of holding on to some remaining vestiges of being attracted to women.

Of course, you need to figure it out on your own--that's just my impression from reading what you've written. Explore and be safe!

 

[joeG23]

If guys are your thing, don't fool yourself into thinking ur not gay. There's nothing wrong in being gay, and everything right about being open with your friendships and lovers - male or female. Best of luck in sorting yourself out. I suspect you already know the answer, it's about facing up to it and the consequences.

 

[Roland00]

Good luck, and remember its never too old to experiment

So where are you from?

 

[Roland00]

but do want to have sex with only men.

Well trust me there are plenty of queer men that only want sex, perhaps too many. Just be upfront with the guy you only want sex, and use protection

 

[Roland00]

Well tallahassse is a decent size city, progressive, and I already found 2 gay bars, a community center, and other services you should do fine

here is the link for the community center
http://www.familytreecenter.org/index.html

 

[Roland00]

I don't really want to have sex with random men though. I kind of want a regular guy that will just let me suck his dick on a regular basis and maybe fuck me from time to time.

Oh there are plenty of gay guys that will do just that Just tell him you want sex, but am nervous about a relationship.

 

[jimminychricket]

Jimmy, I was in your boat back in HS. It was difficult all of the societal pressure and feelings going in all directions. In the last 5 months That is where I have been. I have always craved men and i actually was successful at denying myself my attractions and my sexuality. But to my surprise it caused a lot of grief inside me and in my life as well. not being honest about who I am is troublsome.

I just basically have stayed away from everything sexual except for my own intimatacy with myself, to clearly examine who I was without being clouded. I Actually for a while have been believing I was a MTF transexual. I was also going back and forth between being gay and a transexual because i couldn't place what i really wanted and I couldn't understand what was going on with my feminine side versus my male side of me.

I have finally accepted myself as gay and I am on the road to becoming completly happy with myself.

 

[drhladnjak]

For most gay men, the comparison to feelings about being transexual is actually somewhat illimunating. Growing up, I struggled with my sexuality but the thought of being born the wrong sex never crossed my mind at all. I assume straight men generally feel the same way about their sexuality--it never really crosses their minds to be gay. It shows how hard it can be to empathize with somebody who has different experiences.