Post Break Up- HELP!

[xxjason123x]

So i was in this relationship with a guy for a year. I've been in relationships before but this one i felt I had the deepest connection with. The reason why it ended was because we weren't on the same page anymore. I saw it coming for months but ignored it because i loved him so much that I was willing to stick it out and work through it. For some reason though, he wasn't willing to do the same. We seriously had the best year of our lives last year and it came crumbling down because of miscommunication. I miss him so much and i know that being apart is for the best right now. My problem is though that my sex drive is completely gone. Nothing turns me on and I can't even masterbate. I spend hours trying to watch porn or find things to stimulate me but nothing works. Has this ever happened to you? It's been a month since we broke up and i still have no idea where my mojo went. what should i do? I know i'm still sad about the break up and i think about him constantly. can i rush this whole grieving process already?! help me!!

 

[Seasoned]

You're depressed. They funny thing about depression is that it can cause increased or decreased sex drive. It works the same way with food, increased or decreased appetite.

It doesn't sound like you have closure, nor does it sound like this was altogether healthy. Having an amazing year, followed by some months where things weren't so well, with little to no confrontation as to repair what went wrong leaves you, I'm guessing in disbelief and denial.

If you're still in touch with your ex try and get some closure. In any case start journaling. Take this as a sign that you have been deeply affected and that your emotions need healing. Without introspection you are likely to be in a similar predictament in a future relationship. Mix things up every day so you are not wallowing in the coulda, woulda, shouldas.

 

[anchihiro]

Yeah I had the exact same thing with complete lack of sexual appetite. You wanna know how i got over it?

Time. That's really all it took, I didn't see him or communicate, eventually it came back. During that time I also kept myself very busy on everything i could.

 

[paatreides]

Soreknees makes a couple of very good points. Your depression is what's made you lose your mojo.

You can help yourself in a couple of ways. 1. Write it down; put your disappointment and hurt feeling down on paper. Do it for yourself, not for anyone else to read. Just get it out - get it off your chest. 2. Go out! Do not sit alone thinking about it. Go have coffee with some friends, go to the gym (if nothing else, you'll get to see some hot guys!) because exercize helps to fight depression.

Time and distance will help. Eventually your dick will begin to respond again. And I hope that happens sooner rather than later; jacking off is something guys should be doing on a regular basis; it's healthy for the body and for the spirit. If it's really been more than a month since you've been able to cum, you need to get busy.

 

[xxjason123x]

Thanks for all the help you guys

The reason why it didn't work out is because he is young and inexperienced. He is turning 21 in a month and graduating from college in a couple months and he said he doesn't know what he wanted anymore. I swear i was the perfect guy for him and i'm hoping he'll realize that because there isn't any guy out there like me.

I jacked off yesterday but it seemed more of a chore than something i thought was once fun. I've been hitting the gym daily and have lost 15lbs since the break up. I also quit smoking a week ago and try to keep busy but i still get those times in the day where i miss him deeply and i feel helpless. I wish he knew the extent at how much i still love and care for him.

my emotions everyday are like a rollercoaster where I feel like I know i'm better than him and that we're better off not together but switch to me missing him and everything. I ask all of my friends what i can do because i feel like i'm doing everything i'm supposed to but the answer: Time- feel like it's going to take forever.

Thanks again for listening and replying to my post! it means alot!

 

[altlover85]

Thanks for all the help you guys

The reason why it didn't work out is because he is young and inexperienced. He is turning 21 in a month and graduating from college in a couple months and he said he doesn't know what he wanted anymore. I swear i was the perfect guy for him and i'm hoping he'll realize that because there isn't any guy out there like me.

my emotions everyday are like a rollercoaster where I feel like I know i'm better than him and that we're better off not together but switch to me missing him and everything. I ask all of my friends what i can do because i feel like i'm doing everything i'm supposed to but the answer: Time- feel like it's going to take forever.

I hope you get over him, but you need to be careful about how you come across. When I read the bolded statements it reminded me of my ex who while caring also thought he knew what was best for me. It's not a very endearing trait.

 

[xxjason123x]

altlover85- I say that stuff because my friends tell me that I'm better than him and told me that I should think this way so as to help me get over him! it's been a month and all of my friends are trying different ways to help me get over him and sometimes it seeps into my brain and i sound arrogant which i swear i had no intention!

This is the first time i've actually loved someone and have been dumped. usually i'm the first one to give up but this time it was the opposite. I know my ego is bruised and I just need to move on. I'm just torn between the 2 love stories in where the first the couple were never really meant to be and i'm just supposed to move on and the second where the couple needed that time apart and after a while they came back together. I'm just trying to figure out which situation I'm in. I know i need to move on but if this is true love then shouldn't i hold out and wait for him to come back? (i feel pathetic writing this) I just need a release and want to know if anyone has been in similar situations.

 

[altlover85]

altlover85- I say that stuff because my friends tell me that I'm better than him and told me that I should think this way so as to help me get over him! it's been a month and all of my friends are trying different ways to help me get over him and sometimes it seeps into my brain and i sound arrogant which i swear i had no intention!

This is the first time i've actually loved someone and have been dumped. usually i'm the first one to give up but this time it was the opposite. I know my ego is bruised and I just need to move on. I'm just torn between the 2 love stories in where the first the couple were never really meant to be and i'm just supposed to move on and the second where the couple needed that time apart and after a while they came back together. I'm just trying to figure out which situation I'm in. I know i need to move on but if this is true love then shouldn't i hold out and wait for him to come back? (i feel pathetic writing this) I just need a release and want to know if anyone has been in similar situations.

Thanks for clarifying your last post.

I wouldn't wait for someone to come back. It sounds like he needs to figure some things out. I would move on with my life.

How old are you? Perhaps you're just at different stages in your life. When you're dating a guy in college it can be difficult once he graduates if he doesn't know what he wants to do with the rest of his life.

 

[xxjason123x]

i'm 22 and I took a little longer in college because I didn't know what to do until now. But I was with him when i was 21 and i was perfectly fine. I was never really into the whole partying thing for i had my time when i was in high school and such. I drink occasionally but it's not a big deal. my ex has been so focused in school and never really had a social life and i understand that at this point in his life he wants to see what's out there with all the big year ahead of him- turning 21 and graduating with a BA. I just think he's a fool because out of all the guys he was with he told me i was the most adventurous, funniest, and everything else.

when we broke up he told me that i was doing everything perfect and it was just him that he didn't know what he wanted. I guess i'm just still hurt at the fact that i feel as if my all wasn't good enough for him. all of my friends know the situation and they did say that going in to the relationship that they could see that his age and inexperience could be the downfall in our relationship and they were right. oh well, moving onwards, i hope there's someone out there better than him.

 

[altlover85]

i'm 22 and I took a little longer in college because I didn't know what to do until now. But I was with him when i was 21 and i was perfectly fine. I was never really into the whole partying thing for i had my time when i was in high school and such. I drink occasionally but it's not a big deal. my ex has been so focused in school and never really had a social life and i understand that at this point in his life he wants to see what's out there with all the big year ahead of him- turning 21 and graduating with a BA. I just think he's a fool because out of all the guys he was with he told me i was the most adventurous, funniest, and everything else.

when we broke up he told me that i was doing everything perfect and it was just him that he didn't know what he wanted. I guess i'm just still hurt at the fact that i feel as if my all wasn't good enough for him. all of my friends know the situation and they did say that going in to the relationship that they could see that his age and inexperience could be the downfall in our relationship and they were right. oh well, moving onwards, i hope there's someone out there better than him.

I think in the long run it's better he broke up with you, than stayed with you and didn't get to do whatever he needed to do. It probably would have wreaked havoc on your relationship at some point or another. Resentment isn't fun.

 

[maxpowr9]

Yah I hear ya TC. I broke up with my BF of just over 2 years because "we weren't on the same page" either. My friends all around me suggested that I not date him because he won't make me happy in the long run, but I didn't really listen. I first got the hint that this relationship was faulting at Xmas time, which was a fairly terrifying experience for me. However, there wasn't a sense of empathy from him at all. Then we went to one of my friend's party on a weekend and he freaking flipped out at me because he didn't know anyone there and he felt completely out of place. At that point I knew I had to break it up with him because we clearly are just not right for each other. It wasn't until we went out to a club one night and I dedicated a song to him and he refused to dance with me. That was the last time I spoke with him.

Even though I broke up with him, it still hurts when you open yourself up to someone and have it taken away. If I had heeded my friends' warnings about it, it may have been a bit different but love doesn't really work that way. If there is one thing I have learned from my relationship it is to never compromise your integrity for somebody else. You have needs also and if your partner cannot fulfill them, you need to find someone that can.

 

[xxjason123x]

I completely agree with you maxpower9!
In my relationship i really did compromise my integrity and whilst he didn't have a job i paid for everything when we went out, even bought him a cell phone that cost about $300. I worked a shit job that didn't really pay and i'm really sad to say that i was pressured to find ways to make money and ended up getting fired for my job because i was willing to do anything to make my ex happy. in retrospect, i feel like i really forgot who i was and lived the life sort of similar to someone with a drug addiction. I was really high off of the love drug and i know that i am better off being with someone who knows how to please me and not make me do crazy things.

Now that I got this off my chest I still can't help but to feel sad because I miss the memories that we created for eachother. I've been picking up reading books and working out to fill my time. It really doesn't help that i am unemployed to help fill the hour either but we'll see what life has in store for me. i have high hopes and believe i already hit rock bottom and the only place left to go is up.