posting after a long time

[bwd29here]

Hey guys,
Decided to post after a real long time closeted (even to myself )
I am currently 28 years old, and have had a 14 year dilema.
Never really shared this but i guess the annonimity of the internet does help:

I have started being sexual around 13, i started with masturbation but quickly moved to sticking things up my anus.
At 14 i had my first sexual encounter with someone. A boy that was a bit older than me and out of the closet, it happened 2 more times and i was on the receiving end of the bargain.
At 15 i had my first girl, at 16 i started dating another one and at 18 i was already on the journey for a 5 year relationship. For the last 2 years i am dating also a girl.

While in these relationships at 18 i discovered craigslist, lets just say i have had a lot more experience with guys than with girls since.

I used to always go for the bathhouse, glory hole or annon experience because i trully felt guilty.
With time i stopped feeling guilty and i guess starting with 22-24 i started enjoying it.

Now i never dated guys, never was attracted to guys, but was attracted physically.
To be confused about ones sexuality is an understatement, whenever i am with a guy i never have problems holding an errection and i usually cum without touching myself.

So what am i?
Anyone else with a similar story?


Thanks!
Ry

 

[Seasoned]

I'm sure some people would be quick to label you, but it's best if you arrive at doing that for yourself but only if you choose to. Oftentimes a protestation that, "I'm not attracted to guys," is a person not wanting to accept they are, hoping theyre not, not permitting themselves to be, or addicted to certain sexual behaviors.

While there's nothing intrinsically wrong with anonymous sex except in terms of danger or possible arrest depending on where it's being done, it doesn't allow the possibility for full emotional involvement. I was married to a woman during my coming out process because I didn't know it was possible to have romantic love with a man.

The main thing to keep in mind as you explore is to try to remember that you and your sexual partners are people, not objects.

Best wishes!

 

[kallipolis]

So what am i?

Only you can answer this question, truthfully.

Courage is becoming who you know your self to be.

Courage is knowing what not to fear, by being honest with your self.

The fearless man becomes who he knows himself to be.

Fearlessly, be your self, by removing the mask that conceals the real you.

 

[KaraBulut]

...So what am i?

Someone who has, for a long time, focused upon sex at the cost of intimacy.

 

[Rolyo85]

I am one of those people who Seasoned mentioned, who will be quick to label you.

You are gay. You have lived with internalized homophobia and guilt all your life, so you are not yet confident in allowing yourself to develop more than sexual feelings for men. But everything you say screams "gay" and I have no doubt that once you truly shed the fears about what being gay could mean to you, and be open with the world about what you like, you will be quick to develop more than just horniness for other men.

 

[sixthson]

You need to stop getting into relationships with girls while maintaining a secret and what sounds like a risky secret life. It is just not fair to her. Then figure yourself out, but I tend to agree with Rolyo.

 

[bwd29here]

Thank you all for your honest answers.
Honesty kind of sucks but i guess i will have to see what i am. I met a man that i am for once starting it slower with, it is def. a wierd experience.