Not every event that occurs deserves a prominent place on a grand scale. Not every event manages to affect significant numbers of people. Some events are small by comparison, but, still have a high level of significance to individual people. Accordingly this event was not on a grand scale, would go unnoticed by most people, but meant a great deal to both Alex and in turn Jason. Some moments in personal life are like that and mark important milestones.
Is it true some things are meant to be? If such things do occur would they be called Karma, Chaos Theory in action, or just plain luck?
Maybe things do happen haphazardly producing a sequence of separate incidents. Maybe everything is part of a grander design – who knows? What ever happens – just seems to happen! Maybe a butterfly did flap it’s wings in the Amazon eventually linking incidents that connected to produce the Japanese Tsunami. Maybe that works in reverse too, maybe the New Zealand earthquake caused someone to be in a particular place at a particular time and do a particular thing or say a particular thing. Maybe they don’t, and maybe people do singularly unrelated things.
As it was - a series of incidents occurred. First the article written by Brennan was published in the “World Sports” magazine and on the stands in February. Paul, however, had an early copy, via Brennan, two days before the magazine went on sale and gave that copy to Alex with a hastily written yellow “post it” cover note stuck to the front cover. The front cover itself was a zoom action pic of Jason, his face taut, body straining and muscles defined from extreme physical stress. The pic showed Jason on his knees, paddling his surfboard, in front of a massive white foamy wave that threatened to engulf him and made him seem like a midget in comparison. It was an amazingly dramatic photograph. Inside were six pages of action pics and written sections devoted to Ironman in general plus Jason in particular.
Uncharacteristically Alex hurried into the locker room to get changed for training with less time to spare then ever. He changed quickly throwing his bag and clothes into his locker rather than taking his usual time to keep everything neat. He swung the locker door closed and hurried out onto the court for warm up before training.
Nothing might have happened, but it did!
The locker door did not close and swung open back on its hinges, as a messy pile of clothes spilled onto the locker room floor along with the magazine and the prominent vivid yellow post it note.
The magazine and note could have been covered by the spill of loose clothes. They weren’t!
Everyone from the team could have been on court training by now. They weren’t!
The note could have gone unnoticed. It didn’t!
Instead it was picked up by Ryan a “helpful” team mate. He could have shoved Alex’s belongings back into the locker. He didn’t!
He didn’t need to read the post it note, but, did!
His eyes widened as he read the words and his brain registered the implication of what he was reading on the post it note. He pushed the spilled belongings carelessly back into Alex’s locker along with the magazine.
He could have said nothing!
Alex’s private life had never been open to discussion before and he had been more than content to leave it that way. However, Ryan now knew Alex was GAY, and whilst not exactly “OUTED” the fact a team mate knew was significant. In a sense Alex had been “outed” by his own hurried mistake.
Alex, as was often the case, stayed behind to do some additional personal training and as usual was last into the locker room. The only player still there was Ryan who was almost finished dressing into his street clothes. Almost dressed, but unbeknown to Alex, Ryan had deliberately engineered the timing, and had no intention of leaving till he cornered Alex with what he knew. Alex took little notice casually shrugging off his training clothes and grabbing a towel ready to head into the showers. Ryan waited till he had a suitable chance and spoke to Alex directly.
“Wait … Alex” he said. “We need to talk.”
“We do?”
“I um … I know you’re gay … ok”
“What?”
“You’re gay … I know!”
Alex was surprised and eyed Ryan suspiciously without responding.
“I know ok … your clothes and the magazine fell out of your locker … I picked them up to put them back and read the note on the magazine. I know!”
Alex looked uncomfortably into Ryan’s face trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. Neither of them said anything for a minute or so, before Ryan broke the silence. “I had no idea … but like … um … it’s ok.”
Alex did not answer straight away as he weighed up his options. The uncomfortable pause providing time for him to figure out how to respond before shrugging his reserve aside and simply responded “If you want to call me that …”
“Like I’m not … I’m straight … but I guess I’m surprised …”
“So now you know” replied with a great deal of uncertainty.
“I do, but … like I think … well you’re still a friend and a team mate right.”
Alex nodded, keeping quiet because he was still not sure what to say.
“I don’t know if I should have told you I read the note” said Ryan as a peace offering.
“What’s done is done” replied Alex.
“Sorry”
“So what now?” asked Alex with great trepidation.
“What do you mean?”
“Well … are you going to be uncomfortable around me?”
“No why would I?”
“It’s a locker room isn’t it?”
“Oh that! I don’t know … maybe … like I don’t think so ... I think it’ll be ok .... nothing either of us hasn’t seen before.”
“You’d tell me though … if you were.”
“I will if that’s what you want”
Alex nodded assent, but, at the same time was worried. “Will you … um … will you tell anyone?”
“I haven’t thought that far.”
Alex’s body had already gone back to his teenage posture of looking down, avoiding eye contact and drooping slightly as though he was trying to become invisible in a crowd.
“Alex, don’t start thinking everyone is against you. I think all the guys would be ok about it … except maybe Tom … he might be a bit too Christian … I’m just saying, that, from my perspective I’d rather know than not know. As for telling them … um no I think that’s up to you to do that, but, they’re friends … so I think you should … I would rather you told me yourself than find out like I did.”
“Then I should?”
“Maybe just the team, not sure about anyone else.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“… the um … the guy on the cover? … is he your … your… er …”
“His name is Jason and if you mean are we together the answer is yes … but right now he’s in Australia competing and won’t be here till next month.”
“You mean he’s your boyfriend.”
“It’s more than that.”
“More?”
“Yes more” responded Alex.
“So you guys … well … you um …”
“If you’re asking about sex … I am not saying anything!” responded Alex strongly, then countered “I don’t ask you about private things like that!”
“Ok, sure, sorry! I’d like to meet him though … I mean you know us and you’ve met Emily and Kristin and the others so … yeah … I’d like to meet him.”
“Look … I’m the same guy you knew yesterday and the day before ok” spluttered Alex.
“Yeah … but … now I know.”
“And??”
“Well it’s just I have to get used to it and … if I am a friend then you should learn to trust friends.”
Trust was back on the agenda. Whilst Alex had come a long, long way could he open up enough to trust Ryan … could he trust the team? Trusting people sometimes meant you got hurt more. What would Jason think? Alex being outed carried the implication that Jason was outed by association. Jason didn’t need this.
“Right now I don’t know what to think” replied Alex softly “… and Jason … I need to talk to him ok … he’s part of this.”
“That sounds fair to me.”
“If it was fair I wouldn’t need to! You don’t need to make a statement so why should I?” countered Alex as he turned and walked into the shower room for a very long, very hot, and thoughtful shower .
Why should gay guys need to make a public statement about their sexual preferences? Why do they become labeled as “out” or “in the closet even to their closest friends? Why does it matter? If as a society we are as inclusive as we think we are, then nobody needs to be branded! Maybe if we took away the “shame” then we would not have so many young men and women depressed, feeling inadequate and far fewer teenage suicides. Why do subsets of our society have the right to look upon a person’s sexuality as “not natural” or as a crime against God? Why do governments have to create legislation to control the rights of gay people who should be seen as ordinary people? What are they frightened of? As a gay man Alex should have the full rights and responsibilities of any adult member of society and that should be enough for anyone.
