pressure to bttm

[bkitalyrican]

my boyfriend is versatile and i thought i was a versatile top but this is my first gay relationship i realize i really don't like being the bttm especially with him. it makes me very uncomfortable(pain) and when i do it i cant wait for it to be over(i am not into it) . we have talked about it and he feels upset with me and tells me he has needs and i don't try to fulfill them. since that talk we have been having very little to no anal sex together. am i wrong to think if he loves me he would not want to force me to do something i am uncomfortable with?

 

[hylas]

no you are not wrong, hes coming across as a bit of a douche.
how old are you guys?

(its also possible that you guys are 'doing it wrong'... but since it seems to be working one way, i assume thats not the problem.)

 

[bkitalyrican]

im 20 and he is 27. well i am a novice only doing it twice before i met him but its also painful for his dick is almost the width of a soda can.

 

[Robbert]

Well you need to get used to it it looks like your ass is pretty tight just fingerfuck yourself till it will be less tight. Fucking feels good when your hole isn't tight. If you get that done you will love it unless if he just can't fuck good

 

[Rolyo85]

If he's that big, he should be more considerate. That said, there is not ONE way to bottom. For some people it takes a long time for bottoming to become pleasant. It's a skill, and not everyone is born with it, it has to be acquired.

What worked for me was sitting on it, and making sure I do all the moving, as quick as I want to, at the angle I want, and for as long as I could take. And now it's awesome. But you need an understanding partner who care about your comfort, and he doesn't sound like one if instead of offering advice and help, he's accusing you.

You aren't doing anything wrong, but also bear in mind bottoming is hard work at first, so you should find a way to get good at it - find what works for you and what doesn't, experiment until you get it right. Don't just assume it doesn't work for you, because truth is there are VERY few people for whom it simply doesn't work. And if he doesn't have the patience for you to learn, he's not a good partner and you should consider splitting, cause that's a sign of other characteristics of his personality as well.

 

[hylas]

so he is significantly older and more experienced, and he is hung like a horse? he really should be more considerate. he may not be the right guy for you.

but the question is also: do you want to bottom, but you dont know how to enjoy it; or do you think that you are simply not a bottom?

because if you want to enjoy it (not for him, but for yourself), it may be a question of finding out what works best for you. things you can try:

extensive rimming, followed by extensive fingering. one finger after another, not rushing it, until youre up to four. thin latex gloves are a good idea.

also worth trying: extensive spooning, with his cock rubbing against your ass and *poking* it for a long period of time. this way, i sometimes manage to bottom without lube!

note that both methods only work if you are both relaxed and enjoying it, but not if you are both rushing through it to reach the 'goal' (penetration) as soon as possible.

also worth a try: small buttplugs, and jelly dildos.

im also gonna mention poppers, eventhough theyre controversial. but they do help with bottoming. inform yourself sufficiently before you go there.

ultimately, you have to decide. what do you want, and what does the behaviour of your bf say about his character?

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to JUB and to the forum. It's time to learn the main lesson I learned in my 28 year relationship--communicate, communicate, communicate. Talk about sex away from the bedroom. If he's not willing to go slow and help train your butt, I'd advise to make the butt off limits. Sex should only hurt if you like it when it hurts. Pain means injury is at hand.

 

[Darted]

Sorry but he sounds like a real ass. If he truly cared about you he wouldn't feel the need to force you into anything you didn't like.

And as for the pain, a good technique (aside from preparation and lots of lubs) is to go into a spooning position and have him slide into you slowly, it seems like your muscles are loosened this way.

 

[Blueboy369]

There are many guys who would love to find a total top. You like what you like. It is what it is. Find someone who is more compatible with you.

 

[MascutarHero]

Wow, it's like my own boyfriend made this post because I hurt him during anal sex so we don't bother doing it, but I want it from him soooo bad like we used to, I'm to big for him which always makes me think about getting my dick smaller (surgery) yeah sounds ridiculous but I really want to fuck him, occasionally we do it but it's really rare, we mainly do oral and rub dicks. I always want more though, but I try my best to respect that he doesn't want to bottom because I love him. Your boyfriend shouldn't be so selfish and think about sex is mostly about mutual pleasure, how can it be pleasing if you're not being pleased? Just make him understand and also work on making it less painful, I know how frustrating it be, Good Luck

 

[chance1]

seems to me from what you're writing .........

you bottoming is REALLY important to him (which doesn't make him a bad person) - seems like everyone has jumped the gun and classified him as such (perhaps he is)

at 20 and new to this, feeling like bottoming is a bad experience, hurts, not into it, etc - is not un-normal or bad

that said, learning how to do and like would be a good thing - so perhaps you should try - for you and for him

i'd be more concerned about his REQUIRING u to do so - as that would be lame

best of luck to you

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

am i wrong to think if he loves me he would not want to force me to do something i am uncomfortable with?

so he is significantly older and more experienced, and he is hung like a horse? he really should be more considerate. he may not be the right guy for you.

If someone loves you, someone cares about you- They put your needs above their own. That's the way it always goes- They respect you, they try to work with you so it's enjoyable for both of you. You both work together to figure out a way to solve a issue.- I know you don't want to hear about it, but I think this guy is bad news for you. I think the way someone treats you in bed, says a lot about a person. I'd re-assess this relationship. It seems more like a exclusive fwb situation. Feel free to PM me if you feel like talking.

 

[Enduster]

my boyfriend is versatile and i thought i was a versatile top but this is my first gay relationship i realize i really don't like being the bttm especially with him. it makes me very uncomfortable(pain) and when i do it i cant wait for it to be over(i am not into it) . we have talked about it and he feels upset with me and tells me he has needs and i don't try to fulfill them. since that talk we have been having very little to no anal sex together. am i wrong to think if he loves me he would not want to force me to do something i am uncomfortable with?

Sorry to burst your bubble, but sexual compatibility is a huge part of any successful, longterm, relationship. You misrepresented yourself as being "versatile" when in fact you are not. He has a reason to be frustrated as this was clearly discussed beforehand, and you were either untruthful about you experience or preferences of being "versatile". You're young, you didn't know better perhaps, but you have learned a valuable lesson. You aren't a bottom, and you current relationship is over. Time to move on, and please be honest with the next guy you date.

 

[Enduster]

Wow, it's like my own boyfriend made this post because I hurt him during anal sex so we don't bother doing it, but I want it from him soooo bad like we used to, I'm to big for him which always makes me think about getting my dick smaller (surgery) yeah sounds ridiculous but I really want to fuck him, occasionally we do it but it's really rare, we mainly do oral and rub dicks. I always want more though, but I try my best to respect that he doesn't want to bottom because I love him. Your boyfriend shouldn't be so selfish and think about sex is mostly about mutual pleasure, how can it be pleasing if you're not being pleased? Just make him understand and also work on making it less painful, I know how frustrating it be, Good Luck

Your relationship too is over. It's time to move on. Men don't stay with sexually incompatible people very long.

 

[KaraBulut]

We could give you all sorts of pointers about what you can do to take a big one.

But honestly, it probably won't make a difference. The sex issue is just part of a larger incompatibility. And there's not really a good solution to the incompatibility nor is there - based upon what you have said- enough in the relationship to hold it together.

You have to decide how much you care about this guy and whether it's going to work in the long run. Unless you can come up with enough good reasons to stay with this guy, you may have to accept that he's just not the right guy for you and it's time to look for someone who is.

 

[MascutarHero]

Your relationship too is over. It's time to move on. Men don't stay with sexually incompatible people very long.

I beg to differ, being together for 3 years, anal sex isn't going to split us, our sex is very passionate anal or no anal. I'm not an animal and would even go behind my boyfriends back to get anal sex, I love the guy too much to let ass ruin what we have