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Pretty bad depression

JB - I see you're in a Chicago suburb... I live in East Lakeview. I've been seeing a counselor regularly for some time, and he's extremely helpful. He has an office both Downtown and in the suburbs. He's also gay, so he can relate to same-sex relationships and their pros/cons very well.

Shoot me a Private Message if you'd like me to get you his contact information. Additionally, if you want to grab a bite to eat or a drink some time, don't hesitate to hit me up. I don't know you or your past, so it's a good fresh start.
 
Thanks all.

Just to add. There was also a slip-up tonight and a step in the wrong direction. After my shower I went to get some of the pills I've been using to help me sleep. I ended up on the edge of my bed just sitting and staring at the bottle and at the warning label.

I came to my senses and put the bottle downstairs, but its still not a step I wanted to take.
 
You said you're on Paxil for ADHD? Often antidepressants are given for that, but they are not a primary treatment. People with untreated ADHD are often depressed, due to years of trying to compensate for the symptoms of the ADHD.
Are you on any meds specifically for the ADHD? I ask because I was recently diagnosed with it, at almost 51. I'd had episodes of severe depression for years, SSRI's helped a bit, but until my doctor put me on Adderrall I was always "chasing" recovery, never quite getting there.
As for the suicidal thoughts...please, please speak to someone about them. People who have them almost NEVER want to die for real, they have just become so frustrated that they want out of their situation. Unfortunately some people succeed. So please set up an appt. with a good therapist, sometimes just opening up and talking about those feelings can make you realize you don't really seek death, just some relief.
 
Just wanted to send an update since its been a week or so since the last post.

Things are going much better. I've been a lot busier with work, and keeping myself busy with other things. Out of nowhere there was a management opening at another location, for a job I've applied for before, and its looking pretty likely that I'm going to get the promotion. Although it isn't the area where I would have preferred to have a full-time job (teaching music), its still a step forward for me and its one that I am confident will be a good one for me. I'll know for sure next week, but so far its looking good.
 
Good. And for every option like this career move, there will be others.
 
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