Probably been said a thousand times.

[VavztheShiz]

Ok. Hello. So I just turned twenty. And my problem is that I have never been with a guy. I never wanted to be in a relationship in high school and I was so busy with work, school, friends that I never really cared about it. Now, however, I want to be in a relationship. I think about it more and more.

I really came out to myself last year and only to a few friends. My family still doesn't know, and I don't want to tell them until I am in a relationship anyways. I don't think they'd take it too bad, but I just don't really feel like getting into it with them.

Anyways, I just don't even know where to start on this gay relationship stuff. It makes me really nervous. I've never interacted with a guy in that way.

 

[Rolyo85]

Interacting with gay boys is pretty much the same as interacting with girls is for straight guys, only a bit easier haha, because the normal ones don't expect to be chased in those ridiculous ways that girls are... Just be natural.

 

[glasvegas]

I am twenty too, and still single and ever been with anyone. Hope you meet the right one soon! I can't give you any advise since the gays are giving me the pass.

 

[Ganoderma]

Ok. Hello. So I just turned twenty. And my problem is that I have never been with a guy. (...). Now, however, I want to be in a relationship. I think about it more and more. (...). I really came out to myself last year and only to a few friends. Anyways, I just don't even know where to start on this gay relationship stuff. It makes me really nervous. I've never interacted with a guy in that way.

Hi VavztheShiz,

Welcome to this forum, and no problem at all to ask this kind of question. I think you have already made some very important steps: (1) you are (more or less?) comfortable with your own sexual orientation, and (2) you have told some of your friends that you are gay / interested in guys, and it looks that telling this to them did not turn out in a disaster (or something like that).

Potential lovers / boyfriends must also know that you 'are around & available.' I mean, when you hide for anyone that you are gay, and single, and available for a relationship, then your chances to find mr X are minute. How can mr X find you when he has no clue that you are not 'a single guy without a girlfriend'?

Mr. X can be anywhere. He can be one of your classmates, he can be the brother or the cousin of a good female friend of you, he can be member of an sport team of you, or brother of a member of one of your team mates, and so on.

I mean, you must also give them some clues / the opportunity that you are not 'a straight guy without a girlfriend'. Telling more and more close friends and other people around you that you are gay, can definately help. And keep talking with all kind of guys, and keep meeting all kind of guys in all kind of circumstances. Don't feel too shy, but you also don't need to pass your own borders too far.

You can also try and go to surroundings / meetings where there are alot of other gays / gayfriendly people. And also talk to them, so you also get used how it is when you talk to people who are openly gay.

Well, just some ideas. People are different, and ways how people meet each other are also different. However, you can do alot in arranging your life in a way that you meet alot of potential partners.

Good luck and keep asking if anything is not clear, or if you would like to have more information.

Best wishes.

 

[TX-Beau]

It's really common for gay men to start dating around your age. We start later than straight guys because high school is such a hostile place to be gay usually. So you don't have the practice straight guys your age already have.

To find a guy, just put yourself out there, in any number of venues that cater to gay men. Or you can try the net - though at least a lot of the people in here seem to bemoan that on a regular basis.

Some things to remember that sound trite but are really important. If you go looking for a relationship and try to make the guy fit it, you'll just cause yourself grief. You build a custom relationship around the guy you like, not build the guy for some fairy tale relationship you saw in a chick flick - that NEVER works.

Take the guys as you find them and don't cherish unrealistic expectations about them - for example do not expect sobriety or monogamy from that hot twinky party boy 'cause you're not going to get it.

Don't rush things. He's not your boyfriend if you've only had dinner once - and you aren't in love with him just because he gives you a massive purple throbber.

Big one no one likes to talk about - how you present yourself is just as important as choosing a guy you find attractive. If you are fit and independent you will have a lot more success than if you live on a diet of Cheetos and big macs in your mother's basement.

That ISN'T about how pretty you are, it's about how much effort you put into attracting the kind of guy you want. It doesn't mean you have to be a muscle stud, or a movie star, and is just as much about your attitude and personality.

Remember, all those guys are looking at you as well, and if you want a lot of options, you need to present yourself as a viable and attractive prospect - whatever that means to the kind of guy you're after.

Best of luck, have fun.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. Im glad you've posted.

Putting yourself in gay or mostly gay situations makes it easier that just making eye contact in the world at large although highly confident people make that work for them.

I'm too old and have been in a relationship too long to be able to speak to the online scene so I'll leave that to others. What I usually suggest us to find activities and interests that attract gay men and look for gay social groups and join one or two. Meeting people socially gives you the potential of meeting people both directly and indirectly as lots of people like playing matchmaker.

Good luck. I hope we hear from you soon.

 

[FantasticArtemis]

Im kinda in the same boat.. I never told my parents about me being gay but i think they know.. not that I really care about what they think. My suggestion is if or when you feel comfortable about yourself is to take things slow.. go to the gay spots such as maybe a club since you just turned 20?.. another thing also is to do research in your area where gay people hang out.. I just moved to Denver and im still trying to adjust finding where people hang out.. its a pretty big city.. oh and another thing is research your area! Only date when you're comfortable.. im 30 years old.. never been on a date because im scared shitless! lol

 

[Spensed]

The conventional wisdom is to look for common interest activities, if there are any around.

Like sports, amateur theatrics, political associations, charities, gyms or further education classes, where you might come across gay guys, etc., in a context that you are doing something constructive that you like doing in any event. Just my opinion, but I would avoid gay bars, baths and internet hook ups, unless you're also doing other social networking or want to focus on what they offer.

You'll meet gay co-workers, neighbors, friends of friends in any event. But you improve your odds and experience, if you put yourself out there. Not that easy to do, but I found a little effort can go a long way because meeting up with one gay guy opens the doors to his friends and what they gets up to.

 

[KaraBulut]

Anyways, I just don't even know where to start on this gay relationship stuff. It makes me really nervous. I've never interacted with a guy in that way.

Before you begin the "gay relationship stuff", back up a bit and just date for a while. Most of your straight friends started dating back in high school. It's your turn now.

Dating is like anything else in life- it's awkward and weird until you figure out the rules. But it can also be fun if you accept it for what it is and don't expect every date to be with the man of your dreams.

Are you in college? Do you have gay friends or is there a way for you to meet gay guys?