Problem, trying to be friends with this girl?

[aijalon18]

I probably need a therapist, but I would feel weird going to a therapist. I guess I will get a therapist, but I don't want it to be a long process. I just want to have a therapist for a couple of months. I just want to be normal and have friends or even a boyfriend and go out and have fun. I'm sick of staying home by myself a lot. Also I was best friends with my cousin before, so I just never had any close friends that were relatives. I hope I'm not writing too much here, I'm just trying to figure things out and writing on this site helps me. If I get a therapist should the person be gay friendly or it doesn't matter.

Don't apologize for writing things. I'm not an expert but I know some people who went to therapists who have been helpful and those who have not. I think you need to do some research to find free resources. You can find a local pflag or other type of support group. You seem to be interested in finding friends first not necessarily a hookup. Diving into the gay club scene can be bad if you are not ready. You seem to just want to hang out, maybe watch movies or go bowling. So i think your best bet is to go for the nearest support just google your town or a nearby area to find one.

 

[LonelyFace]

Googling support groups often ends in failure. At least, that's how it has been in my experience. Also, I can't imagine a REAL therapist not being gay-friendly. The problem with them is that they tend to have pretty tight schedules, so you're likely to only get one therapy session per month. If you want to only go to therapy for 2 months, then that's 2 sessions, and that won't help you at all. Trust me.

You said you have friends who are girls, right? Maybe one of them could help you meet more gay people? I dunno. I have a female friend who doesn't actually have any purely straight friends (she and her BF broke up, so he doesn't count).... Just a thought.

 

[hotatlboi]

You are the one who said you 18 or 19 and have never had close friends. That is emotionally stunted.

You are making a lot of unfounded conclusions in this thread imo.

I never had many particularly close friends before college because I was very independent and I was also in the closet and my family was very homophobic, which sounds a lot like aekid's family.

But I completed college, have a good job now, and friends, and I never considered myself emotionally stunted.

 

[aijalon18]

You are making a lot of unfounded conclusions in this thread imo.

I never had many particularly close friends before college because I was very independent and I was also in the closet and my family was very homophobic, which sounds a lot like aekid's family.

But I completed college, have a good job now, and friends, and I never considered myself emotionally stunted.

Well you were. Anyone who knows anything will tell you as humans we are naturally social and desire close relationships to some extent with other people. You isolated yourself because of your sexuality. It is not because you are merely independent. being closeted doesnt mean you cant have friends. Luckily you managed to get out of it.

The kid said his only close friend has been his cousin. Like any normal person this guy desires close relationships with others and doesnt claim to be independent.

 

[spencer]

Seeing a therapist doesn't make you crazy, it doesn't make you weak. It's like a tutor or a teacher or a guru. That person studies the mind for a living. They studied it in college. They are just providing you insite.

As for being socially stunted, how about late bloomer.

Just don't continue to not bloom. What I like to do is go to a bar and talk to the bartender. They're always usally nice and they can introduce you to any patrons or friends that are hanging out there as regulars. Having a few even makes it easier.

Good luck.

 

[hotatlboi]

You isolated yourself because of your sexuality.

Like I said, you're making a lot of unfounded assumptions. That's not primarily why I didn't have many close friends.

Maybe ae needs a therapist, maybe not. But I think you are concluding too much based on the information we have.

 

[LonelyFace]

^^ first off, high school counselors are like amatuer therapists. It's like introduction to therapy. A therapist is the real deal who will help you and is legally required or whatever to NOT discuss you and your issues outside of your scheduled appointments. Nobody will think ill of you for seeing one, especially if you do what I do and just tell people you're "going to the doctor."

to spencer: lol "always usually" is an oxymoron

to aijalon18: Last time I checked, humans were not omnipotent beings. You don't know that what you are saying is true, and the fact that you continue to push your "I'm right, you're wrong" view on aekid89 and hotatlboi only shows the rest of us that YOU'RE the one who's really "emotionally stunted."

Not all humans are naturally sociable creatures, anyway. Didn't you ever learn about antisocial behavior or social anxiety in school? I'm gonna assume you're too old for school now, so why don't you just go pick up Fight Club instead? You might learn something about the real world.

 

[aijalon18]

Like I said, you're making a lot of unfounded assumptions. That's not primarily why I didn't have many close friends.

Maybe ae needs a therapist, maybe not. But I think you are concluding too much based on the information we have.

I was actually giving my opinion based on what he said. Just like I gave my opinion based on what you said. You said you didnt have friends because you were independent and some other crap. I think you are just being defensive because you dont want to admit that you not having friends was abnormal. I'm sure certain things about me are abnormal but I'm not afraid to admit them. The OP is even starting to realize his behaviors were abnormal and started to take responsibility for it.

dont really get the point of trying to disagree with me. It's like you disagree just for the sake of disagreeing. I'm actually trying to help.

 

[aijalon18]

^^ first off, high school counselors are like amatuer therapists. It's like introduction to therapy. A therapist is the real deal who will help you and is legally required or whatever to NOT discuss you and your issues outside of your scheduled appointments. Nobody will think ill of you for seeing one, especially if you do what I do and just tell people you're "going to the doctor."

to spencer: lol "always usually" is an oxymoron

to aijalon18: Last time I checked, humans were not omnipotent beings. You don't know that what you are saying is true, and the fact that you continue to push your "I'm right, you're wrong" view on aekid89 and hotatlboi only shows the rest of us that YOU'RE the one who's really "emotionally stunted."

Not all humans are naturally sociable creatures, anyway. Didn't you ever learn about antisocial behavior or social anxiety in school? I'm gonna assume you're too old for school now, so why don't you just go pick up Fight Club instead? You might learn something about the real world.

What on Earth are you talking about? I gave my opinion and the OP asked for more of my opinion. I said I wasnt an expert but tried my best to give him advice.

This kid wants to be social. He wants to have friends to spend time with. He wants a social life. Like most normal humans. What is the purpose of bringing up people having social problems? People with those problems you mention are experiencing abnormal, negative behavior.

Another person with no advice but just debating just for the sake of debating. How does this help this guy?

 

[LonelyFace]

Aww, I'm not debating for the sake of debating! That'd be pointelss. What I was trying to say was that your words come across as "no, you're unstable, I'm right, you're wrong." (possibly because I misinterpreted them. If i did, my bad ) You're saying "this is what you're doing, it's bad, end of story" when the other people replying to you say stuff like, "no it isn't, that's not why I did/didn't say/do this or that."

But we're getting off-track here. Let's go back to helping aekid89.

 

[spencer]

Get highlights that are 1 or 2 shades lighter than your hair. Or if you light hair you can also get lowlights. It will add dimension and will look good. Everyone should do it

 

[MorrisseyX]

I think some people on this form are being a bit hard on the OP. Maybe people are being heterophobic because the OP is talking about a female friend and not a male friend? I think it's good that the OP wants to have a female friend. But I have to wonder if this female friend is really worth it?

I can't speak for the OP but I can say that I must admit that I have few friends but I decided to join a therapy group and look into my anxiety. I am currently in therapy right now. Perhaps therapy can help the OP to find strategies to meet new people? My mistake was I thought happiness was through other people. I felt other people can make me happy. The truth is it's up to the indvidual to decide to change to seek the help to change their own lives. I hope the OP does seek help from a gay positive counsellor or therapist.


I had a similar experience with a "female friend". The last time I saw her was in July this year we hung out for the whole day for like seven hours. After that she e-mailed me once. We don't talk on the phone usually through e-mail. I would like to "connect" with her but I feel like I am the one making MOST of the effort.

So I decided to join groups. I currently have hanged out a bit with two women from the group but I have only known them for seven months. I have gone to movies and dinner parties with them. I am looking into joining another group. I think if the OP has the time he might want to consider joining a group?

 

[Lube]

Remove your bad sister's power: she has no power if it's not a secret.