Problem with eye contact

[pablo6989]

Hey

Never discussed that with anybody.

The point is that I hardly can maintain eye contact with most men. When I try do it for longer time (few seconds) I feel warm desire (kind of - its difficult to explain) in my crotch.
So feel embarrassed and tend to avoid other males eye contact. But in that way I pretend to be unthrustful or disrespectful.

Other males also avoid my eye gaze. Do they suspect something or its normal?

Its strange to me because it all happens with most of men and most of them are rather turn off for me.

So its strange for me. So do you know how is that eye contact case among men (homo and heterosexuals)
Two talking men (assuming heterosexual) rather avoid eye contact or maintain it ?

Is it normal to not maintain constant and intensive eye contact with other male?


what do you think?

Greets

 

[Rex]

Never heard of this "warm desire in the crotch" from eye contact. That's um... interesting but I tend not to make eye contact for too long with anyone. Like walking in the opposite direction as someone and as we cross paths I make eye contact for a sec but I don't continue to look at them. Unless they are saying hi or nod their head or something then I'll have more eye contact but I usually feel awkward if someone is just eyeing me. In my mind I'll think "what the fuck are you looking at?"

but yeah, you're not alone there. I think a lot of people try to avoid long eye contact because it's awkward.

 

[Yves Grey]

There are studies on this, I think. I recall reading somewhere the difference in body language between the sexes when they talk. Sadly, I cannot recall the observations reported. But it was right up this alley, and quite interesting, if memory serves. Maybe Google it?

For me, my aversion stems from feeling either inadequate and worthless as a person (years of being told I was a negative child), or from self-consciousness and shame for my homosexual preference (years of growing up in a society that tacitly and ubiquitously ingrains gender roles).

 

[pigface]

I used to be awkward about looking people in the eyes. I found a 'fix'; watch their eyebrows. to them it seems as if you are looking into their eyes, but it doesn't feel so intimate to you.

 

[IowaGuy]

Great advice pigface!

 

[borg69unimatrix]

There's an old saying that, "The Eyes are the Windows to your Soul"...

I think subconsciously, too much eye contact is TOO personal, and almost intimate.

I believe some cultures view eye contact as more personal then others.

It's also part of the "Look me in the eye!" line when trying to determine when someone's telling the truth, and why people wearing sun glasses are generally untrusted. If they're hiding their eyes, they're hiding something else more devious!

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

Hey

Never discussed that with anybody.

The point is that I hardly can maintain eye contact with most men. When I try do it for longer time (few seconds) I feel warm desire (kind of - its difficult to explain) in my crotch.
So feel embarrassed and tend to avoid other males eye contact. But in that way I pretend to be unthrustful or disrespectful.

Other males also avoid my eye gaze. Do they suspect something or its normal?

Its strange to me because it all happens with most of men and most of them are rather turn off for me.

So its strange for me. So do you know how is that eye contact case among men (homo and heterosexuals)
Two talking men (assuming heterosexual) rather avoid eye contact or maintain it ?

Is it normal to not maintain constant and intensive eye contact with other male?


what do you think?

Greets

since da dawn of human discova they fell out tree by mistake lot of ways ta say humans create fa just eye eye

why no try ya local witch doctor or ask ya President prime kingy queeny dicator commetee of shoes da round table of degrees of stupids or whateva is da game in play ya country ans theys a wills guide ya ta da light

but if ya gonna eye eye a Lion do it after they gons eats breakfast ans smile cause Lions sweet
' ooh dat was ma last cobby of corn! "
Licks
' knapkin ya gots buttery sauce drips ya right '
Munch munch
' ooh ya recycle too! '
Grrr




Internet a wonder

 

[AlmondMilk]

There's an old saying that, "The Eyes are the Windows to your Soul"...

I think this saying is the reason why a lot of anime characters have buggy eyes. At least, that's what I read awhile back.

I used to be awkward about looking people in the eyes. I found a 'fix'; watch their eyebrows. to them it seems as if you are looking into their eyes, but it doesn't feel so intimate to you.

And definitely good advice. I'll try it ...I may find it a bit awkward though.

 

[gotdimples77]

Eye contact with males one doesn't know is generally confrontational. The exception is among gay males when that is one of the best ways to signal interest. Eye contact with people you do know signals trustworthyness, that is when you can convey empathy. not making eyecontact with someone you know makes you look untrustworthy.

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

Eye contact with males one doesn't know is generally confrontational.
This is sooo crazy -- I have soo much trouble understanding this.... I look at someone I am talking to -- and I expect them to look at me ! I had a 15 minute conversation with an 'acquaintance" in the supermarket - and it was like we were in the middle of a war zone -- he looked over my right shoulder he looked to the left -- he occasionally turned his head and practically looked behind him. when someone passed down the aisle to my left - he followed THAT person with his eyes and a turn of the head -- like totally ignoring ME !!



The exception is among gay males when that is one of the best ways to signal interest.

i GUESS im feeling that this IS the case.

Eye contact with people you do know signals trustworthyness, that is when you can convey empathy. not making eyecontact with someone you know makes you look untrustworthy.

i don't boil it down to a trust issue - -i just think of it as idiotic -- (and that's not slamming inseure guys who have "other issues" -- but wtf -- what's gonna happen if you look a guy in the eye ?

i like men - I think they're generally gorgeous and sexy as hell - and I wanna look at them -- period.

and then i was kinda surprised to hear a gay friend talking about just how much he can see with periferial vision - which he has perfected into somekind of super skill - so he can see lots of things around him -without actually LOOKING at them. and to the point above- he's gay -he's out - and he never looks at me when Im speaking to him.

 

[pablo6989]

So problem seems rare and not reckon

 

[Seasoned]

Western cultures expect eye contact as a sign of listening and being interested. Some people that can't maintain it have self esteem issues or are perceived to be arrogant.

Various cultures treat this issue differently.

 

[Willie Boy]

Direct eye contact is never really held for very long, usually only during the greeting. After that (here in the US at least) one's focus is on the speaker as a whole, not directly on the eyes. Lengthy focus on the eyes tends to give the impression of being stalkerishly focused on the target. Watch others when they talk, they will make eye contact, but they don't hold it for the length of the conversation. Their eyes will wander naturally, to objects pointed out in conversation, to faraway points mentioned, to noisy distractions. The only time direct eye contact is held (in a non-psychotic way) is during a "staring" contest, where two parties try to see who can go the longest without blinking or looking away. Or two people so enamored of each other that they don't want to look away, even for a second. But just two acquaintances on the street (in the office, at school, wherever... ) it doesn't happen.

As for why people look away when you try to stare into their eyes... You're making them uncomfortable as they think you are either some kind of psycho or are really lusting after them in an unnatural way (this can even happen between gays).

 

[rjmrjm21]

Hey

Never discussed that with anybody.

The point is that I hardly can maintain eye contact with most men. When I try do it for longer time (few seconds) I feel warm desire (kind of - its difficult to explain) in my crotch.
So feel embarrassed and tend to avoid other males eye contact. But in that way I pretend to be unthrustful or disrespectful.

Other males also avoid my eye gaze. Do they suspect something or its normal?

Its strange to me because it all happens with most of men and most of them are rather turn off for me.

So its strange for me. So do you know how is that eye contact case among men (homo and heterosexuals)
Two talking men (assuming heterosexual) rather avoid eye contact or maintain it ?

Is it normal to not maintain constant and intensive eye contact with other male?


what do you think?

Greets

That's actually a good topic. As a gay man, I sometimes have to remind myself about conduct in the straight world. After all we are living in a straight world. I think "proper" protocol is highly complex and would best be illustrated by something such as a venn diagram. There's the 1. individual; 2. family; 3. circle of friends; 4. neighborhood; 5. city or town; 6. country; continent; 7. hemisphere that all play a role in what seems appropriate to a given person in a particular place.

If a guy is an ugly alpha male, out with a group of buddies, he's more likely to stare people down. Which would of course be acceptable to him and his group. If a guy is more feminine looking, making prolonged eye contact people might think he's just a queer or something. In that case, it's probably best not to make lingering eye contact with your average straight guy--they seem paranoid as it is.

Everyone is different. Me personally, I am physically attractive, so I get stared at often and people have different expectations of me. Some think they know me and perfect strangers will sometimes expect me to engage them or have a conversation. That might put some people off but I don't have that kind of time (or desire). Some people will stop what they are doing, just to watch what I am doing. Might sound kind of nuts but when you're dealing with so many different people, from so many different cultures and races, it takes some adjustment. So I just try to smile and mind my own business as best I can. It's too time consuming to analyze everybody and everything. Hope that helps.