Problems finding time for anal....

[JSRD]

Hey guys! So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 and 1/2 years now and anal has never been really a thing we do consistently, which i'm hoping to change. When we first started dating we tried anal and things didn't work just mainly do to my nerves and inexperience with topping. I knew i wanted to top him just got in my head because I wanted to impress him. So next time we tried again we did other stuff, not anal. And it worked. And that's how sex was in our relationship for like the first 6 months. We would give blowjobs, rim each other, whatever just never anal. So after a while we tried anal again and this time it worked. We both loved it, we both finished. The difference this time is my boyfriend douched beforehand which made him feel 100% confident and clean as the bottom. Which made me feel better. After that our anal has been very hit and miss. He only wants to have anal sex when he is able to clean himself before which I 100% get and appreciate. The problem is that it's not his favorite activate and he has some stomach issue so he's hesitant to try most times. This results in us going months in between our anal sex sessions. We do continue to have sex lot. Almost daily, but just never anal. I have expressed my feelings to my partner, how I want to incorporate anal more, even hopefully weekly. He agrees, he says he wants too. When we talk we both seem on the same page. It's when we go to try it, things change. It never seems to work out lately, and it's been over 6 months since we've had anal. It fucks with my head and makes me sad. I feel i've tried, i've expressed my feelings. We've talked about it SO much, and now I feel he thinks I'm getting disappointed or annoyed that it's not happening. So I feel like I can't bring it up anymore. I'm willing to wait for him, I just want it to happen at SOME point. How can I help my sex life?

 

[sixthson]

Do you ever bottom? If not, maybe trying it would help you understand where he is coming from. If he has health issues that are preventing him from doing it, that is one thing. If it is just anxiety or fear, that needs to be faced.

 

[JSRD]

I haven't before, but I am really ready to try. I have told him a few times we just haven't done it yet. I think part of it is anxiety, but I can't tell.

 

[Seasoned]

Reread your last sentence and then edit it in your mind. Change the "my" to "our." The solution has to involve him. Does his douching mean a bath or shower, or does it mean an enema? Make whatever is involved part of your foreplay. No reason why it can't be your soapy finger in his butt or you administering an enema.

 

[JSRD]

He does an enema, I'm not sure involving it in foreplay would be an option :-/ he's very self conscious about it.

 

[Seasoned]

I know everyone has personal space/boundary issues, but there may be ways to soften those boundaries by you being matter of fact. Losing inhibitions with one's partner is a step towards playfulness and sexual pleasure. The benefit of gay sex is that both partners are dealing with the same parts so there ought to be less mystery and coyness.

Sex toy play or a simple, "let's clean you up. I want to play with your hole," might do the trick." Everyone might not like penetration, but it's difficult to deny that hole play is pleasurable. Maybe your role is long foreplay sessions, teasing his hole to the point where he becomes more of an active bottom. Check out the Health Forum to learn "All About Ass." Enemas aren't recommended on a routine basis and a person with normal bowel movements and habits generally just needs an inside/outside wash unless a full stool is present.

Try normalizing the conversation with him and suggest jumping in the shower together at times. Part of the fun and enjoyment of an intimate relationship is confronting learned taboos. Treating this as a quest will probably be a turn on for you, pushing your aggressor buttons.

 

[sixthson]

You've been together quite a long time now, so this is not about you being comfortable with each other. You even mention rimming being a regular part of your lovemaking. So, am I understanding hat this is boiling down to an issue with getting shit on your dick?

 

[journo25]

I know everyone has personal space/boundary issues, but there may be ways to soften those boundaries by you being matter of fact. Losing inhibitions with one's partner is a step towards playfulness and sexual pleasure. The benefit of gay sex is that both partners are dealing with the same parts so there ought to be less mystery and coyness.

Sex toy play or a simple, "let's clean you up. I want to play with your hole," might do the trick." Everyone might not like penetration, but it's difficult to deny that hole play is pleasurable. Maybe your role is long foreplay sessions, teasing his hole to the point where he becomes more of an active bottom. Check out the Health Forum to learn "All About Ass." Enemas aren't recommended on a routine basis and a person with normal bowel movements and habits generally just needs an inside/outside wash unless a full stool is present.

Try normalizing the conversation with him and suggest jumping in the shower together at times. Part of the fun and enjoyment of an intimate relationship is confronting learned taboos. Treating this as a quest will probably be a turn on for you, pushing your aggressor buttons.

Really appreciate this post! I don't bottom as often as I would like because I, too, think an enema is a must. And there isn't always time for that so spontaneity becomes the problem. Good to know that enemas are not essential each time and a thorough shower ought to be enough.

As to the OP, if rimming is pleasurable, enjoy that with your partner. I love rimming--both giving and getting--and it's good to know that fucking is not the only way to enjoy mutual hole stimulation and play.