Problems I've had with gay guys.

[abb188]

Hey everyone,
I wanted to share this because of how frustrated I am in regards to finding a decent gay man to have a relationship with. I'm 18 and have never been in a relationship. I found a guy I really liked and then he told me that he only does bareback and if I didnt want to do that then I could go find someone else. Then I fell for another guy but who told me he wasnt interested which I dont get because everyone else tells me I'm cute but w/e. Then there was a drug addict who wanted me to do drugs with him. That didnt work. There have been countless guys I've met who only want sex and nothing else. There was once guy who told me that he has issues with his sexuality and so when we'd be in public he'd freak out and pretend he doesn't know me. And I've met a bunch of size queens who all say they have 7 or 8 or 9 inch dicks but when I say mine is 6 inches they frown. I tried even dating an older guy to see if he's more mature. I found a guy who's closeted and married and that wouldn't fly with me. Basically, what I'm trying to get at is that I'm really frustrated with gay guys. Even though I'm gay I feel like this lifestyle is too nuts for me and I can't find a normal nice attractive guy who wants to get to know me and have a relationship and sex too. Is it just me or are all these weird guys I've met a typical gay man? Cuz if they are I dont know I might try going straight of something : (

 

[KaraBulut]

Don't take this the wrong way but where are you meeting all these messed up head-cases?

 

[G-Lexington]

Honestly, I think the biggest problem is - you're eighteen. Most guys your age, gay and straight, are looking for a place to plug in rather than looking for someone to settle down into a nice relationship with. It's nice that you're looking for something more, but it's not too surprising that people think that you're just looking for a roll in the hay.

You don't say where you met these wonderful guys (especially the guy who said he wasn't interested - what was HIS problem?), but they all scream "craigslist" or something similar. And generally speaking, those places are mainly frequented by people looking for a quick hook-up. That's fine if that's what you want, but it's silly to go to a greasy-spoon diner and then complain about the quality of the food, if you catch my drift.

If you want quality, go to where the quality is. The Pianist has the right idea. And try not to get to impatient. The number of gay men who have had a high quality relationship by age eighteen is pretty small.

Lex

 

[tallguy297]

G'da abb,

Well mate... if your post shows even a small portion of who you are then I have a pretty good feeling that it wont be long before you'll find someone whos sees you for who you are.

Lex is right... theres a lot of 18 year olds that do simply want to play around... and to be honest... they can get away with it - simply because people brush it off and say "well what do you expect"...

But your post shows someone whos different. Someone who knows what he wants... and more importantly what you are worth. You know what your values are, your morals. You dont want to compromise what you beleive and neither you should. You dont ever have to change to suit others abb, thats not what this is about.

And while now it seems hard to find a guy who sees all of you... and importantly respects you for who you are and what you beleive, it wont always be like that. The simple fact that you exist means that there are more like you who are looking for exactly what you are. And I think theres more of them then you realise.

For now... feel proud of who you are. Of your values. Of your self awareness and your desire to be respected and of knowing that you shouldnt have to change to find happiness.

Because abb, those are the things that will allow you to find the right guy. Those are the things that he will see and want in you.

 

[abb188]

I know that sounded a little conceeded when I said that there was something wrong with that guy who just wasnt interested in me. What I meant is that I find guys my age to be extremely picky. Thats what I meant. But yea some of these guys I've met through friends and others through craigslist. But you'd think that they're all from craigslist of something. I wouldn't mind quickies but the issue I have is that when you have a quickie all the person wants is a hott guy to get off with. And I dont trust people easily so I'd be uncomfortable being looked at as an object to get off to and then thats it goodbye... But yea the advice I ALWAYS get is to be patient and everything. I'm quite impatient for an 18 year old I want everything now lol. Thanks for the replies.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I wouldn't mind quickies but the issue I have is that when you have a quickie all the person wants is a hott guy to get off with.

Dude, that's what a quickie IS.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

My God. You say you're 18, but have had all these types of experiences.

Jeez.

I think you may be trying too hard to force your idea of a relationship. It sounds like you are 'hunting'. Why?

Do you want a life partner?

Someone for a few years?

Don't underestimate the value of meeting many guys and gaining a lot of acauaintances, friends and lovers.

Just relax.

You're probably no where near mature enough to know what you what five years fom now let alone 60 years from now.

 

[FunDude]

Omg.. if I lived in florida I would totally date you... Granted you have more experience than I do, you just said same things I'm thinking about.. There are normal 18 year old out there.... Thank god.

For the record - The Pianist gave very sound advice.

 

[abb188]

Alright G-lexington. Let me explain... what i mean is that if i have a quickie I want it to be with someone I know who i somewhat trust. Not a random dude who just wants to use me and might have a disease. I dunno if thats enough clarification lol.

 

[abb188]

And rareboy I agree that I'm expecting to find a great relationship at such an early age. I know it sounds ridiculous but I just thought maybe it could work out. I'm not looking for a life partner just a guy to have something more than friendship but less than just sex. But I find either people who just wanna be friends or dont wanna get to know me and are like I just wanna fuck and goodbye.

 

[sixthson]

There is nothing wrong with you being eighteen and wanting something more than a hookup. No need to explain yourself.

Don't let anyone try to make you think otherwise.

Exactly right!

Having many lovers is not for everyone. I give you credit for recognizing that these guys have not been for you.
You are feeling your way along in life right now, getting to know yourself as well as others. You may not like being patient, but unless you plan on settling for something less than what you want, you have no choice.

Take time to get to know others and form friendships. It's likely something else will come from within that group.

At 18, you feel like life is passing you by. It's not. You need your focus on so many other areas of your life, too, i.e. an education, career, etc.

When I was 18, I decided love would never be for me. Just before I turned 19, love hit like a ton of bricks.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Alright G-lexington. Let me explain... what i mean is that if i have a quickie I want it to be with someone I know who i somewhat trust. Not a random dude who just wants to use me and might have a disease. I dunno if thats enough clarification.

I understand, and can appreciate that totally. It's just - that's not a quickie. That's a friend with benefits.

Lex

 

[Kadratis]

Hey abb. I know what you're going through. I've had the same problem with finding somebody. I too had a boyfriend I had met online who was afraid of showing affection in public, or even when we had some privacy. I broke up with him because I knew I deserved better. Hell, I was the one who drove 400 miles to see him and commonly said "I'm sorry, I love you..."

Then I met another guy who lived almost 1,000 miles away who just ended up using me for a ride to Cleveland. I couldn't even spend the night after I had driven almost all day long (4 AM to 9 PM).

I know someday I'll find the "one," but to me, that someday just seems to never come.

 

[justsimon]

Sober, single, out and proud gay men, without size issues do exist. Keep looking and you'll find one.

 

[tallguy297]

And rareboy I agree that I'm expecting to find a great relationship at such an early age. I know it sounds ridiculous but I just thought maybe it could work out. I'm not looking for a life partner just a guy to have something more than friendship but less than just sex. But I find either people who just wanna be friends or dont wanna get to know me and are like I just wanna fuck and goodbye.

No mate its not ridiculous. Its not crazy or stupid or wrong. And more to the point its far from impossible too.

These are your values, your ideals. These are the things that make you you. Dont compromise and dont change. They are the pieces of your puzzle that make you the guy that your friends and family see and love.

And as sure as you are reading this abb, so are other guys who are your age who think and feel the same way as you. And for all those that are reading it thousands wont get to see it. But that doesnt mean they dont exist.

Your ideals are incredible and valuable on this issue abb... but I can assure you that you aren't the only one who feels this way. This board right here on JUB is proof enough of that... spend a little time here and see for yourself mate.

Dont give up abb... persistence and patience will ensure you find what you are looking for.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I would gladly adopt the view that relationships are never 'found' but rather 'built' by a joined effort.

Nope, you are not too young to desire to get what and whom you want. Do not let anyone fool you. The societies will always have a strong tendency to tell you that now, 'you are too young for something' and few years later, 'you'll be too old for something', etc. . Do not buy into that.

Lighten up and learn how to shrug with your shoulders.

If a dude wants a 12'', good for him. None of your problems.

If a dude thinks, he deserves to date Pavel Novotny class of looks (OMG), cool, that's his prerogative. Wish him good luck, coz he'll either come down to earth or be very lonely for a very long time. Again, their business, not yours.

The people, whom you deem incompatible due to their addictions, bb-ing or whatever are best left alone to cope with their issues on their own. If you are not compatible, why waste anyone's time and energy?

Go out, get online and meet up with dudes. Keep all your options open. Be truthful but do not throw the relationship-compulsion on anyone. You are meeting up with another dude to get to know him, check the vibe and pick it up from there.

If you click to some extent, and want to get sexual about it, that's cool, too. Do not make too big an issue of it one way or the other but only do what you are comfortable with and with whom you feel like doing it. It is your sex, so you call the shots.

Be prepared that many dudes who'll come across your way will be a sheer waste of your time. Some will be worth a fleeting friendship w or w/o the benefits; some dudes may become your genuine friends for life and part of your personal network; and one or the other dude will make it to be your BF and possibly a long-time partner.

Yup, patience is important. Action, even more so.

SC