Pros and Cons of outing myself

[curboi321]

Ill be turning 21 this thursday(yay me) and I want to go to a gay club for the first time to get myself out there into the world and meet new people but i dont know if i should since i've been pro's and con's all week so here they are:

Cons:
a. I would be outing myself to hundreds of people some of which may be people i know
b. I don't have any gay friends to go with so i would be going by myself
c. The club features alot of drag queens which is something im definately not into
d. if a. happens my family would find out and who knows what hell would be unleashed from there

Pros: I may just "may" actually have a good time and may find a guy that would make all the above actually worth going through

The cons greatly outweigh the one pro that may not even happen i just want to know what you guys past experience with gay clubs have been and if u think i should do it. thanks

 

[G-Lexington]

Don't go.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with going to a gay club, and you can definitely meet some cool people there - friends and maybe more. But honestly, I don't think you're ready for it. It's sounds like you'll be so scared of "being recognized" that you'd be petrified of approaching anyone. Not only that, but the other folks there will probably pick up on that vibe - "Don't look at me" - and won't approach you, either. So the chance of anything happening at all are close to zero.

Lex

 

[looseliam]

For me, one positive can greatly outweigh many negatives.

Perhaps this may be a case?

 

[mattylover]

Funny I outted myself on accident. I went to a gay bar and I had my 10 yr HS reunion and everyone new I was gay cause someone saw me there. I'm old enough not to care anymore what my HS friends think of me. I was a jock and now everyone knows but I no longer care. I think it might be good for you to just wait alittle while and maybe just look for friends first. By the way hope you have a happy birthday!

 

[najfus]

What do you have against drag queens?

 

[Orlandude]

While Lex makes some good points, I still wonder.

I would agree that going by yourself the first time can be a bit intimidating. The bars can be a lonely place when you are by yourself and don't know anyone. Even I sometimes feel it when I am in a strange city on business and drop by a bar or two. Don't know anyone and nobody knows me. Fortunately, my personality allows me to strike up a conversation with most people so that helps.

I would not worry so much that you will bump into someone that may know you. Remember, just because someone is inside a gay bar does NOT mean they are "outed" or even gay, for that matter! I know several totally straight people who enjoy going to the gay bars for the shows and the drag shows and then they leave. They are not there to mingle or socialize. They go to be entertained. Finally, so many people are afraid to go to the gay bars for who they "might" meet. The other side of that is, what are THEY doing there??? As you become more involved in the gay scene, you will have to eventually face up to the idea that if you want the nightlife, that's the chance you will have to take. I used to feel the same way and now I really don't care who knows I'm in the bar.

If you don't like the drag shows, do they not have a night when there are no drag shows? If so, go when there are no shows or select another club if there are others.

In the final analysis, going or not going rests with you. However, I see more things to add to the "Pro" list like:

You will eventually meet and get to know other gay people.

You will possibly meet a couple people who become really good friends and you will have others to go out with you.

You will get a better understanding of the gay bar scene and what it's all about.

After going a few times you will decide whether or not the bar scene is something you are even interested in. I know have a lot of gay friends and acquaintances who choose not to go to the bars for various reasons. As many people as you do see in the bars, that's how many more don't go to the bars at all. They prefer other gay venues.

Good luck!

 

[drhladnjak]

Is Mary K. Mart still doing Trailer Park Prize Night at Flex in Raleigh on Thursday nights? She's a riot.

Going to a drag show is probably a better idea than going to a bar with no entertainment. I don't see anything wrong with going though. Just view it as a sociological experiment. Grab a drink (alcoholic or otherwise), sit back and people watch. Don't feel pressure to chat up guys or do anything uncomfortable. If somebody starts to talk with you, go with it but don't feel compelled to go home with them or talk to them the whole night (unless of course you're enjoying that). After all, you're just there to take it all in and people watch.

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

What do you have against drag queens?

There is one of these where I work. Without the drag (which I ain't seen) he is an abomination.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey curboi321,

Congrats on the big 21!!! Thats a pretty special milestone mate... I hope you have a great day!!

Coming out is a pretty big step for anyone and theres no right and wrong way to do it. It means different things to different people, but theres only one person that it matters most to... you.

Coming out is about removing the last obstacles to being happy and free in being able to make open honest decisions about how you live your life.

By going to a gay club you really aren't announcing anything to people who dont know you... you're simply another face in the crowd to them. They dont know your story, your personality or those special traits and values that make you you. And for such a big step that takes courage and strength, and that will mean so much to you, going to a gay club wont really get you any further down the path of feeling free.

Coming out is about being honest with yourself and those you care enough about to be completely honest with as well. Its something best done when you are ready, safe and confident. Its not something that has a deadline or a use by date.

But it is something you should do before you embark on a trying to live a life that will otherwise involve hiding and fear while you are scared about who might find out. Theres no way you can feel safe and happy while you constantly look over your shoulder.

curboi321, forget the cons. Worry about what steps you need to take so that you can feel safe and confident in pursuing the pro.

Because even though theres only one on your list right now, it, if thats what you want, and the happiness you deserve are the most important reasons in the world.