Psychological effects of being gay

[hella]

It depends on the environment you're in, I think.

I was raised in a very conservative, Christian, hold-hands-and-pray-before-dinner house; so when I finally figured out what these feelings were, I developed pretty bad anxiety, paranoia (of being outed), and depression. I was in therapy throughout most of high school.

My boyfriend was raised in a very relaxed, non-religious family; he never went though the shame and self-loathing like I did.

 

[nantha]

I think the psychological effects on the individual stem from not being gay per se, but from the sociological and environmental attitudes to being gay. I experience all of the emotions in NeverFollows' list - to a greater or lesser degree - every day, but after so many years it is just a way of life I suppose.

 

[jockboy01]

Very good topic b/c I think it'll ring true for so many of us. My biggest have been depression and suicidal thoughts.... not nearly as frequent since I've become more comfortable with it and everything, but it used to be a big problem for me and one I dealt with alone for many years.

 

[fjancsi80]

I went through loneliness and depression around 14 when I realized I'm gay. It took about 1,5 year but then I dealt with it and the second half of my high school years were quite good. Next time depression came at 20 and lasted again about 1,5. It was partially caused by falling in love with a hetero friend, but partially by other causes not related to my gayness. Then I managed to solve my problems, and I feel myself good since then. I only fear of aging now.

 

[maxpowr9]

I think most gay men go through a phase of depression right before they come out. I know I did. Suicidal thoughts did run through my head but eventually came out to my best friend and hes was ok with it. Some how I knew everything was going to be ok. As long as someone accepted me for who I was.

 

[Hybridcub]

This is a very important and emotional topic. Thank you for making this thread.
I agree with most of your guys.
It's not easy for most of us.


I grew up in very religious & sheltering family, so dealing with gay issues was always a intimidating and depressing issue for me. I never felt like i fit in with anyone; I always had to compress my feelings since most of my peers and family referred to "gay" as being Taboo.

It becomes so painfully and lonely and you start to question yourself worth which than leads to Suicidal thoughts.

It's bad enough i already had self esteem issues to began with, but having gay and confusing feelings and not being able to express your feelings to a close one can really take a toll on you after a few years.

My so called "Closet friend/ Big brother figure" couldn't deal with this subject. I had a breakdown one night and had strong suicidal thoughts. So i realized that i needed find help immediately in case I decided to do something foolish.

Well to make a long story short he didn't know how to react to this unexpected information and actually verbally attacked me at some point instead of helping me. (He still denies that he said anything harsh that night which amazes me)

But after a couple of years of soul searching and finding the right people to guide you, it starts to become easier and you than become more of a complete & relaxed person.

Not to say everything is completely stress free now, but you just learn not to dwell and waste precious energy & time on things that you can not change.

 

[SuperPsyze]

I grew up Roman Catholic, but I don't think I ever had a problem being gay. I knew I liked guys before I even knew what "gay" was (I, personally, don't like the term, but I use it for convenience).

I guess, at the end of it all, I have the heart of a Philosopher. I learned early on that I need to figure things out myself, and find my own reasons to do things. I've been ostracized for being Asian (2nd graders can be real bastards), but I've never been ashamed of being Asian. Likewise, people can ostracize me for falling in love with a man, but I'll never be ashamed of it either.

I found that a relationship is nice, but not necessary. I found a place in my mind that allows me to be happy on my own. If I find a guy who treats me well, and makes me happy, that's great. However, I find it pleasant sometimes to be alone. Sex isn't as important as most make it out to be, and I'd much rather be alone than with someone who doesn't make me happy. Too many people settle with bad relationships because they're afraid they won't find a good one, but don't realize that there's nothing wrong with being single at all.

 

[colemanshs]

I've pretty much suffered from deep depression and lonliness. I never have had any suicidal thoughts, luckily. But now, with the help of an antidepressant, I am starting to be more accepting of myself and my orientation. In fact, since June 1, I've come out to nearly all of my close friends.

 

[robbieadam]

I'm the kind of person that doesn't really care what other people think. However it was difficult coming out to close relatives. I didn't go through most of the stages you listed above because I don't have a problem with my sexuality. I cannot understand how people can feel this way, you are who you are.

 

[BrandonSBCA]

I pretty much had off of these.

Anxiety
Depression
Anger
Suicidal thoughts
Pretending
Self worth issues
Loneliness

Some of them I still have like the self worth issues. Never even took medication to help any of these.

 

[NotDarkYet]

I've suffered from anxiety and depression, low self-esteem and loneliness, but I'm not sure how or whether my sexuality has interacted with my psychological problems. I've never consciously felt depressed or anxious about my sexuality specifically, when I came out as bi and then more recently as gay I never really treated it as a big deal and felt like I was totally cool with it. Then again if I really was totally cool about my sexuality (whatever it might have been or whatever I thought it was) all along why have I only just realised and accepted that I am gay? It depends on whether I have always been mostly gay, as I am now, or whether I actually was genuinely straight and then bi when that's what I identified as.

It's really too early for me to say. I have noticed some improvement in my mental condition since I fully came out to myself, but I have no way yet of telling whether that improvement is because I'm more out and aware of my sexuality or just because I'm making improvements elsewhere in my life.

 

[benlemieux2003]

Negative effects like everyone above mentionned.

But no one mentionned the good psychological effects of being gay after you've dealt with the negativity.

- Open-mindedness
- Knowledge of society's mechanisms
- Freedom of choice
- Societal wisdom
- Self-confidence
- Able to determine your own goals vs society determining your goals

 

[Soilwork]

So to sum it up a lot of gays go through:
Anxiety
Depression
Anger
Suicidal thoughts
Pretending
Self worth issues

you know what?

In my many years of life I've come to find that ALL people tend go to through all this crap. Being gay has nothing to do with it.

Being a Wendy Whiner does.

 

[Soilwork]

by the way, I suffer from inflated ego, pride, self-confidance, high self esteem and a love of life.

Am I still gay?

 

[jockboy01]

In my many years of life I've come to find that ALL people tend go to through all this crap. Being gay has nothing to do with it.

Actually, while all people go through them, a statistically significant higher percentage of homosexual individuals go through depression compared to their str8 counterparts.

And yes, Soilwork, last time I checked you were still gay. LOL

 

[Soilwork]

And yes, Soilwork, last time I checked you were still gay. LOL

True.

Of course, when you checked you used a thermometer, and that's not really fair.



OK.. it's possible that a higher percentage of gay people are depressed. But I think a lot of that has to do with people refusing to give up their woe-is-me complex. And that really gets tired.

Not that I haven't gone through a horrible bout of depression... I have... but you have to learn to snap out of it.

 

[Jory]

True.

Of course, when you checked you used a thermometer, and that's not really fair.



OK.. it's possible that a higher percentage of gay people are depressed. But I think a lot of that has to do with people refusing to give up their woe-is-me complex. And that really gets tired.

Not that I haven't gone through a horrible bout of depression... I have... but you have to learn to snap out of it.

Most of us aren't "blessed" with your will power and the friends you have

 

[luminum]

All people are born with the power of will and the focus and determination to carry out change in their lives, but not all people use that will power for the same things. Some people use their determination to do well at work, others use it to change their attitudes. it's not a blessing, it's a matter of utilization.

 

[FruitSnacks]

This quote usually brings my spirit up

" No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." --Eleanor Roosevelt

 

[Ben_1982]

This quote usually brings my spirit up

" No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." --Eleanor Roosevelt

Damned good quote!

If you're experiencing negative psychological effects as a gay/bi person, just think of yourself as a Spartan. The Spartan army practiced homosexuality in order to foster strong bonds between the men that caused them to focus on both hard fighting and protection of their fellow soldiers, which is why they were the most formidable army on the face of the earth for their time. Then simply think of all the idiots who condemn homo/bisexuality and same sex relationships as the Persians, and remember that it was a mere three hundred Spartans who stood and gave the finger to Xerxes and his millions at Thermopylae.

In other words, fuck what everyone else thinks. You are what you are, you can't change it, and the only reason you suffer adverse psychological effects is because society is trying to pressurise you into being something that you aren't. Some bright spark psychologist would probably state that I had an external locus of control, but fuck it in this case I do because it IS the fault of society that people who live a life that doesn't conform to the accepted norm generally go through hell and back because of it.