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Put my foot in my mouth

T

tx2333

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Well, i finally tried to stick a toe out of the closet, but instead the whole foot flew up and almost got stuck in my mouth (figuratively speaking).

So, i worked with this guy (he was kinda like a temp) for a short while and he wasn't very talkative, kinda shy. I didn't think anything of it. So a few weeks later he added me on myspace, and i still didn't think much about it. Then i noticed he kept leaving me comments, sending me messages - just chit chat - way more regularly than anybody else, even people i know better. So i took a good look at his site: artsy photoshoped pics, modeling pics, pics with non- girlfriend types, feminine music, etc...

Ok, yes i stereotyped andi know thats wrong.

So finally during one of the chit chat messages i asked him. he replied " to answer your question, no I'm not. I'm not offended...i get that alot by the way I dress, the music I listen to, or the things I say. I just deal. But now that you ask, I have to ask the same of you. Most guys only ask me when they have a thing for me. Not trying to sound concieded...that's just what's always said...that or "I want to bone you." Ha the things people say are crazy. Anyway like you said...i'll leave it to you to answer..."

My first thought was ](*,) ](*,) .

I quickly replied " im not, but judging by your pics, the fact that u dont seen to own a shirt that buttons up all the way (lol) and that ur the only guy that talks to me on myspace with any frequency. "

I think he bought it but i felt so horrible, embarassed,scared,whatever.

Just thought I'd share.
 
I'm tring to figure out your first sentence... so how did you actually try? Oh, I get it. If he had said he was gay then you would have admitted to being gay yourself? Is that it?

And then you chickened out and lied to him. And you're hoping he bought it.

Well, don't feel too badly. Many of us did similarly (in retrospect) stupid things. Sometimes it takes a few attempts until we can even say GAY out loud to ourselves, never mind anybody else.

Consider this. You know you can't keep on hiding in the closet forever. This guy is showing interest in you. It doesn't matter if he's gay or not himself. Given his presentation and interests, he is very unlikely to have any problems in finding out that you are gay. Assuming you can find the balls to admit that you lied before and that in fact you ARE gay. It's not likely to get any easier than this.
 
He certainly gave you an opening to say yes. Somebody who presumbaly would've been non-judgmental, and probably wouldn't have "blabbed" immediately to all concerned. Had I been in your position (back then), I probably would've run with it.

There's no great, obvious moment when one is supposed to come out - either to one person or the world at large. They sneak up on you. And you have to be prepared to take them if you want to start coming out.

I'm with 3N. If you like this guy, I'd recant and come out. If you're not sure you know him well enough, wait until you think you do.

Lex
 
And.......who's to say that he didn't lie to you? Maybe he'd have owned up if you had. HMMMMMM
 
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...you can at least assume it might be a little on the ducky side...

As was said earlier, he may have lied just like you. He seems cool...maybe you could tell him that you are questioning. He might be too.

Easier said than done, I know. I am in the same boat.
 
Im not out and probably wont be for a very long time if ever, since my chosen profession deals closely with sports and athletics. Therefore i dont see it as a flat out lie, and given that im not 100% sure about anything right now. I was just curious about him in terms of a friend/buddy to talk about things with, etc... (not necessarily attracted to him).
 
I was just curious about him in terms of a friend/buddy to talk about things with, etc
Click to expand...
Why did you need to ask him if he was gay? Because you were going to talk about his gayness but not yours? :rolleyes:
 
Why would his sexual orientation be a subject of such a consuming interest to you, unless, you really want to bone him, as he pointed out?

All the good things in life start with some little basic honesty. Are you genuinely interested in this guy? (He seems to be interested in you, according to your description...) If so, leave his being gay out of the equation and put your moves on him (as he seems to be putting his on you). See, what happens next...

Put yourself in his (and your) shoes for the moment. Why are you not truthfully disclosing your sexual orientation to him? More likely than not, he is playing the very same game. He probably sees the very same reasons as you do to keep certain aspects of your private life, well, private...

Leave the whole "gay", "coming out", etc. out of your planning. Make up your mind on what is it that you want (or don't want) to do with this dude and go there.

Once the deed is done, you can start debating the 'coming out', 'being gay' as opposed to being 'openly gay' and what not... until then, leave the big talk for later...

SC
 
>>>Why would his sexual orientation be a subject of such a consuming interest to you, unless, you really want to bone him, as he pointed out?

Well, I can't speak for the guy, but I remember desperately wanting to know and meet a gay man when I first came out. Not necessarily one I wanted to bone - I wouldn't have minded of course - but somebody I could actually talk to about being gay.

Lex
 
The fact is you wanted to have someone to talk to. if this guy had ended up ebing gay, I presume you would have hoped that he would be that guy to talk things through about.

So it turns out (apparently) that he's not, but he's used to it and seems comfortable enough with himself to still not conform to stereotypes of what straight guys and what gay guys look like. I think that there's nothing wrong with telling himt he truth, even after you told him you weren't. If he's understanding,t hen he'll know why you said no at first.

The point is, are you running away from saying anything just because you couldn't seek solace in someone who actually was gay, though an understanding straight guy can be just as helpful to talk to?
 
God...two gay boys telling lies to one another....on MySpace...who'd have thought it?

You blew an opportunity to begin to become the person you are. With someone who likely wouldn't have cared or who might have looked in his pants and found his balls and come out as well.

How did this happen? I thought that we had invested our lives being openly out so that an entire generation would be raised thinking it was just one more 'Normal', not something to be afraid of and guilty about.

I don't understand why you were scared, but you should be somewhat embarrassed by your dishonesty and lack of moral fibre....but I guess it is MySpace and thousands of years from now, when some civilization manages to decode the file, they will marvel at the degree of mendacity among 24 year olds.
 
"How did this happen? I thought that we had invested our lives being openly out so that an entire generation would be raised thinking it was just one more 'Normal', not something to be afraid of and guilty about."


Hows the view up there on your soap box?
 
Oh man, thats horrible. As u said first, he was shy, then he not probably answer to ur question, but I think if u admit, then he'll open more to u ;)
 
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