Put myself in quite the "pickle"

[Tylerr3791]

Hi, I'm new to this forum but have occasionally read posts from here.

I was just looking for some insight into my current situation.

Part 1: Love at first sight
Alright, so to start: I had been with my now ex-girlfriend for about 8 years, things were going well, we were in love (blah blah blah and all that mushy stuff). Well I noticed a changed in her in the last few months and it finally came out that she was unsure if she was still in love with me. To make matters worst, she also had this douchy guy from work she would hang out with on multiple occasions and, finally, THE CHERRY ON TOP, she dumped me one day at the mall and went to his place and slept with him (might I add that we had wicked morning sex the same day!). Needless to say, I was pissed as f* and felt like the biggest loser of life.

Part 2: The reveal
Although I was 110% satisfied sleeping with a woman, I've always known that I would feel equally comfortable with a man (I've always seen "people" as attractive, not men or women... I guess that would make me bisexual). I brought this up to her on a few occasions and she said mockingly said that I must be gay deep down and I'm just denying it.

Part 3: Experimentation
And so, after she dumped me and started hanging out with mr. douchebag, I decided that a)I was pissed and wanted a random hookup and b) maybe it would be a good time to explore things with a guy. I ended up meeting a guy at a bar and brought him home. He was super nice and had a buff body and a short but thick penis. We pretty much tried everything and, although the newness was enticing, I felt disappointed and disgusted in the end.

Round 2: My lovely ex then decided a few days later to tell me that she might like to date the guy and had the nerve to ask me if I could leave for a while so that he could come over (yeah, selfish doesn't even begin to describe her right now). PISSED OFF ONCE AGAIN. I then met another nerdy but cute guy online and, well, this may be completely sexist of me to say but guys are ridiculously easy to get into bed. And so once again I found myself with a stranger exchanging blowjobs, rimming and having anal sex but still not feeling any satisfaction (couldn't even cum either times and this may be TMI but that usually isn't a concern of mine )

Round 3: 10 minutes ago
Decided that maybe these 2 guys weren't my type and that I should actually find a guy that I think is super hot. This led me to meeting a 6 foot, green eyed, dark skin buff guy with a 7" appendage (and he was super funny and easy going)... we did all the fun stuff, he came, I politely asked him to leave and now I'm here, once again, wondering what the f* am I doing?!

I've now had 3 experiences with guys, have not enjoyed neither of them but I have always considered myself bi and often get the "holy crap that guy is hot!".

So now I'm wondering if I'm not actually bisexual but am just using one night stands with guys cause they're "easy" and gives me that temporary relief from being myself OR if I actually do like guys as well and I'm just not able to handle random hookups?

So sorry about the ridiculously long story... thank you for reading and have a great night
Tyler.

 

[sixthson]

Is sex with strange women any more satisfying?

 

[seven2go]

Hmmmmmm........three times, three blow jobs and you haven't cum yet?
I know SOME guys say they can't cum from a blow job.......but I'm not one of those.......,perhaps you are?.......
Did your x suck you off and, if so, did you cum then?
It doesn't sound like you have really enjoyed any of your three encounters so......maybe you aren't bi after all.
I'm as anxious for more responses as you are.......

 

[gotoday456]

I wish I knew how to help you but I just gotta say wow and more power to ya for bagging those guys so easily. You must pretty hot or have a lot of confidence/personality. So you just went up to guy 1 and 3 at bars and started a convo??

 

[Tylerr3791]

Well I've been with my ex since I was 13 so I've only slept with the one girl.

And in reply to seven2go, I unfortunately tend to have a problem of not being able to hold it in when we were in bed together :s

And lol at gotoday456, the one guy I randomly met at a bar, the other was a friend of a friend and the last guy I met online (yes, not a safe move, I know!)

 

[deksman2]

I meet guys from online web sites all the time.
It can be perfectly safe if you exchange photos first and foremost, followed by meeting in a public place.
But in the end, you never do know who you might meet - even if its a friend of a friend (there are no guarantees).

Anyway... if you had 3 sexual experiences with men, but you couldn't get satisfied... did you manage to ejaculate or get an erection in the first place?

You might be rushing into hookups that are from your perspective something completely new, and just after you broke up with your ex girlfriend no less.
Hooking up with strange women might also derive little to no satisfaction for you.
If you were emotionally vested with your gf, then its likely you need time to process the situation and start moving on emotionally before you indulge in other activities (seeing how emotions can grind you down to a halt).
Also, regardless if you may see yourself as bisexual, and getting guys in bed is 'easy'... your experiences wit them are new.

It is possible you need to date a guy first and foremost, get to know him, etc. before you indulge in sexual activities... otherwise, without that 'connection', mere sex doesn't do it for you.

On the other hand you might just be heterosexual and simply not derive any pleasure from sex with men all-together - although you are certainly an open-minded one at that.

Either way... if you want to give guys a shot... how about you allow yourself to move on a bit before you jump into sex again?
Many people simply couldn't indulge in sleeping with others or derive pleasure from it immediately after an emotionally problematic 'situation'.

 

[BrianPGH]

Maybe it's not that sex with men isn't satisfying for you, per se -- maybe it's sex without a connection that is. Plus it sounds to me like your three experiences were based solely on trying to find a distraction from, and/or blowing off steam from, your relationship frustrations. That doesn't usually lead to the most satisfying sex.

To answer your question (and this is just solely my hunch) -- you're not wired for random hook-ups. Are any of these three men someone you can see yourself being friends with? Maybe take the time to get to know one of them and see where it goes from there. Perhaps nowhere, but it might help you answer some of the questions you have about your sexuality.

In the meantime, I wish you the best of luck with everything, buddy. No matter where your path takes you regarding future relationships, it definitely sounds like you're better off without your ex.

 

[Tylerr3791]

Well said deksman2, thank you!...

I think my best bet right now is to kinda forget about this entire "mishap" and work on fixing myself up again and trying things out when I can be emotionally invested (as opposed to just having sex due to jealousy and anger)... and as for your question, I definitely had an erection the whole time but then again, I could probably get turned on by a kettle if I was in such desperate times lol

 

[Str8Top14701]

It kind of sounds your more about the dick and ass than the guy attached to them. There's nothing wrong with that, but you're trying to find a connection with a guy you're meeting just for sex. That's like looking for a cat at the dogpound - You ain't going to find it there.

 

[MattClaimer]

I think you're just going into things with too much on your mind. Stop over-thinking everything.

For starters -- Forget about this crazy psycho bitch who pretty much called you a piece of a shit and shit on you and everything you thought you were to her! That would be my number one priority! Don't even so much as think about her again, EVER. She's a bitch. Fuck her. Get her out of your head and then just go with it brother. As long as you allow her to keep mind-fucking you, you're never going to get it figured out. And I respect that you cared about this female, but dude, she fucked you over. And I doubt this one douchebag was the first and only she's been fucking you over with. There's probably a whole line of them.... so wash your hands AND mind of her. That's gotta be your Job 1 right now.

OK - that said -- Not every girl or guy I have been with have been my perfect vision and experience of the greatest sex/time in the world. What's that old saying, you gotta sleep with many a frog before you find your prince charming? Or something like that. It's true. So don't expect perfection in sex and relationship the first time around. You've got to turn over a lot more rocks than you already have.

What exactly are you looking for? Are you just looking for sex with dudes, are you trying to fill the gap or hole that's been made when psycho rude bitch dumped you on your ass and called you gay?

Or are you looking to replace her with a guy so that you can have a REAL relationship to replace the one you thought you had with her?

Once you know what it is exactly that you're trying to accomplish, then things should just sort of seamlessly fall into place.

So my advice - clear your mind, put mean-bitch out of your head and wash your hands of her, then go out there and sample the items on display until you find the one you like most, then take it from there and see what happens. If you get along with someone, take the time to get to know them just a little before you get into bed with them, and then when you DO have sex you find that it was good and you want to to it again with them, then maybe you can build on that and see if a relationship is possible. But don't ever expect anything to develop overnight. Not in the world of gaydom anyway.

Personally, in my experience, while women are great for sex sometimes, I find that men are WAY better as far as relationship stability goes. Not all, but most. Some crazy fucked up dudes out there as well, but I've never had to deal with as much bullshit when I was with a guy than when I was with girls.

Luck to ya my man! Hope you get it worked out. You'll figure out where that pickle goes, eventually.

 

[MattClaimer]

Sorry, I was trying to compose all that in my other post while working - stupid ten minute time limit for editing locked me out. SO - THIS is the post I MEANT to put up with some corrections and clarifications.

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I think you're just going into all this with too much on your mind. Stop over-thinking everything.

For starters -- Forget about this crazy psycho bitch who pretty much called you a piece of a shit and shit on you and everything you thought you were to her! That would be my number one priority! Don't even so much as think about her again, EVER. She's a bitch. Fuck her. Get her out of your head and then just go with it. But as long as you allow her to keep mind-fucking you, you're never going to get it figured out. And I respect that you cared about this female, but dude, she fucked you over, and in a bad way and after a lot of investment on your part. And I doubt this one douchebag was the first and only she's been fucking you over with. There's probably a whole line of them.... so wash your hands AND MIND of her, or you're never going to be able figure things out. That's gotta be your Job #1 right now.

OK - that said -- Not every girl or guy I've been with have been my perfect vision of the greatest sex/time in the world either. What's that old saying, you gotta sleep with many a frog before you find your prince charming? Or something like that. It's true. So don't expect perfection in sex and relationship the first time around. You've got to turn over a lot more rocks than you already have.

What exactly are you looking for? Are you just looking for sex with dudes, are you trying to fill the gap or hole that's been made when psycho rude bitch dumped you on your ass and called you gay?

Or are you looking to replace her with a guy so that you can have a REAL relationship to replace the one you thought you had with her?

Once you know what it is exactly that you're trying to accomplish, then things should just sort of seamlessly fall into place.

So my advice - clear your mind, put mean-bitch out of your head and wash your hands of her, then go out there and sample the items on display until you find the one you like most, then take it from there and see what happens. If you find someone you seem to get along with, then take the time to get to know them just a little before you get into bed with them. Then, when you DO have sex and it's good and you want to do it again, then maybe you can go from there and build on it and see if a relationship is possible. But don't ever expect anything to develop overnight. Or over three nights. At least not in the world of gaydom anyway.

Personally, in my experience, women are great for sex sometimes, but that's about all. I find that men are WAY better as far as relationship stability goes. Not all, but most. There are some crazy fucked up dudes out there as well, but I've never had to deal with as much bullshit in any of my male/male relationships like I did when was trying to have a relationship with a female.

Luck to ya my man! Hope you get it worked out. You'll figure out where that pickle goes, eventually.

 

[On The Edge]

I think it's more trying to get that connection you had with your ex....in your hookups...so you have an expectation before even hooking up...I think it's in a way like revenge sex... don't always work...take sometime enjoy discovering you again...and if you see someone that you feel comfortable with...man/woman....then take it on

 

[MissAnne]

Im sorry that this happened to you. When my ex cheated on me, I got with a guy that I thought was incredibly attractive. It did nothing for me because I was still caught up in the whole emotional rollercoaster that my ex had just put me through.

I also found that I wasnt the hooking up type. Even though I didn't have sex with the guy. I felt dirty because I wasnt used to being intimate with someone that I didn't have an emotional connection with.

Clear your head and then try to find a guy or girl that deserves you.

 

[Tylerr3791]

Thank you again guys, this is the type of advice I needed. I told the last few guys I've met that I'm planning to take a while to figure myself out and it might take a while to get back in touch with them (I think that was the polite thing to do in such an awkward situation).

And like I said, I think I've been gravitating to guys lately cause they're a lot "easier" and not necessarily because it's what I'm most attracted to at the moment... and it's definitely revenge sex which obviously is not a healthy thing to do.

Funny how things end up sometimes thank you again guys!

 

[MatttheBruinsfan]

I told the last few guys I've met that I'm planning to take a while to figure myself out and it might take a while to get back in touch with them (I think that was the polite thing to do in such an awkward situation).

That right there puts you ahead of 95% of the guys out there in terms of courtesy and consideration for others. Hopefully when you've sorted through your feelings about the breakup you'll be able to find a great guy OR girl who'll give you what you need in a relationship.