Question about gay marriage and views

[sometimes]

I was thinking, would the lgbt community be a different place if gays were always allowed to marry? I mean like a real legal marriage not just a civil union. I was thinking that more men would be less apt to be promiscuous or afraid of commitment if commitment legally meant something. It's hard to find guys who want to do more than go to clubs/drink/do drugs/have sex. I never really see any guys my age (I wont post it, but I'm under 21) who are looking for anything meaningful. I dont know, i find a lot of those things to be empty, i guess i am a romantic at heart.
Would gay people be more into real relationships if more countries legally recognised their marriage?
Dont you think it's sending the wrong message to gay people if their relationship isnt legally recognised? Like it is saying, your relationships dont evn matter.
I dont know, i talk to many of my mates about this and they feel the same way, like they would try to have more fulfilling relationships if it looked like the possibility was toward marriage.
Maybe i am a bit mature (some would say that i think too old for my age), but maybe there is some truth in this.
I think that it would at least make a good argument about the state of monogomous relationships in the gay world.
This is a complete open forum, i just ask that everyone respects each other's opinions and views. Remember, this is a no flame zone.

 

[JoshNYC21]

Lots of countries recognize same-sex relationships in some form--virtually all of Western Europe--and some have full marriage rights for gay people: Netherlands, Belgium, Spain and South Africa. Britain has Civil Partnerships and even Ireland is getting them next year. Lots of cities in the US recognize domestic partnerships and several states, with only Massachusetts recognizing same-sex marriages but even those do not get any federal rights.

Of course we should have the same rights as everyone else--full marriage, nothing less. Most states have banned it, lately in their state constitutions. But the federal constitutional amendment against it seems dead. The major Democrats running for president say they support civil unions, not marriage.

Would gay partner recognition slow down multiple partnering? I don't know what the data on that is, but I suspect it would. Straight married men often still have multiple partners and when you get TWO men in a relationship you do increase the chances there will be multiple partnering because of the way men are socialized.

Sexual fidelity is a gift that some people in couples want from each other. Guys should be up front with each other about it if they want that. Other guys in couples don't care if someone screws around on the side if does not lead to an emotional involvement and it is safe. Again, the guys in the couple have to be honest about what they can commit to. At the very least, if two HIV-negative guys are having unprotected sex with each other because they love each other and can trust each other, then they have to be sexually faithful--or at least confess it IMMEDIATELY if they lapse so the other partner can make a judgement about how to continue with their sexual relationship.

Marriage does add a lot of commitment to a relationship because it is a legal contract whereby each guy is totally responsible for the other and they own each other's property. Divorce can be nasty, but at least if we had marriage we would have a legal structure for breaking up, too.

It is not easy to meet the right guy and no guy can meet all of your needs. Don't expect perfection and don't break up over nothing. Good luck with your search.

 

[sometimes]

this is more of a theoretical post. like in theory: would there be more monogomous gay men if our marriage was equal to the marriage of straight people?

 

[ks110x]

this is more of a theoretical post. like in theory: would there be more monogomous gay men if our marriage was equal to the marriage of straight people?

No, there wouldn't be.

An official piece of paper does nothing your keep your dick in your pants, that part has always been up to the individual. Just look at all the married "straight" guys jumping into the sack with other guys at the first opportunity. Integrity is not something that can be issued.

By in large younger men are interested in the same things until they get a little older be they straight, gay, or bi (good times without commitment). There are many exceptions to this, though finding them can mean sorting through a lot of people so don't get discouraged.

 

[M4P]

I have to agree with ks110x

Here in Canada gay marriages are legal. My partner and I choose not to be married - partly because we feel straight people have already destroyed the institution and we're not sure its something we want to be a part of

We made a commitment to eachother when he moved in on Dec 17, 1997, and have kept our word

Younger guys (gay or straight) are often looking to sow their oats for a few years. As they get older I believe they look for someone to commit to and settle down with

 

[Alpha1851]

I'm glad that you made this thread, Sometimes. You brought up some valuable ideas that I have never thought of.

I don't believe that obtaining a legal marriage would deter promiscuity and promote long term relationships. I can only compare this w/ hetero marriage since I'm unfamiliar w/ same-sex marriage in other countries. Have you seen our divorce statistics lately? Sadly, over 60% of marriages end in divorce and cheating plays a large role in those numbers. Marriage=I promise to love you until someone better comes along. As such, the marriage contract doesn't seem to be helping us.

Could the right to marry work out differently in the gay community? No doubt. We'll hopefully find out one day.

 

[Neji]

There probably would be more positives than negatives

 

[rareboy]

Here in Canada gay marriages are legal. My partner and I choose not to be married - partly because we feel straight people have already destroyed the institution and we're not sure its something we want to be a part of

Absolutely. I've always said that I would never want to belong to any club that would let me join.

 

[sometimes]

i guess what im getting from the responses is that is wrong of me to want a committed relationship that is legally recognised by my government. i guess thats why alot of us in the younger crowd dont shoot toward real relationships because they seem so out of reach and it makes us jaded about the whole thing. that was the main point that i was trying to bring up. but i guess i see my answer. kinda depressing though.

 

[ks110x]

i guess what im getting from the responses is that is wrong of me to want a committed relationship that is legally recognised by my government. i guess thats why alot of us in the younger crowd dont shoot toward real relationships because they seem so out of reach and it makes us jaded about the whole thing. that was the main point that i was trying to bring up. but i guess i see my answer. kinda depressing though.

Er..no

It is not wrong of you to want a legally recognized marriage. It would be a great step forward IMO if those who were so committed could have the same legal rights as heterosexual couples. It is however unrealistic to expect that a mere document issued for a nominal fee will actually give more stability to your relationship.

Nobody can give you qualities that you don't already possess or work to build.