Question about my "straight" friends?

[szuchie]

Hey everyone, I have a question involving two friends. If this is too long, you can jump and read to Friend #2, since that is what I'm more concerned about since we're closer, and Friend #1 is just my "acquaintance". I just want to know your views on these guys -- gay, straight, bi or bi-curious. Keep in mind I am closeted, so no one knows my sexuality.

Friend #1
I'm not sure if you would call us "friends" or acquaintances. We rarely talk, just once in a while. We're not the "hey let's hang out" type of friends, maybe only once or twice and I known him for years. We do see each other at parties though but we'll go as far as saying hi to each other. He's not the greatest looking guy... I would say slightly below average (not trying to be hurtful). He does have an okay body (slim and toned) since he's a life guard/swimmer/dancer.

When we do talk, we go on for hours, only because he's always talking about the girl he likes, or about how he misses his ex. Recently he would tell me his dilemma about his boss' sister. He really likes her, but can't date her because his boss (23ish?) is very strict about his sister (he works at this pool place, and his boss is his supervisor). Anyway, when he talks sometimes he would be like "so... do you have any girlfriend? Or you saving yourself for me?" and starts joking. Sometimes I do play around and say "yeah, I want you to be here with me wink wink" and he would be like "eww yuck! let's stop this conversation!!!". But sometimes he would message me and say stuff like "I want you in my room naked" and go very descriptive about what he wants to do to me, and of course, he ends it with "just kidding". I'm just so confused because he literally messages me, talks about how he's crying over a girl, etc. Is he messaging me these stuff because he's just sexually frustrated? I don't know, but even if I was sexually frustrated, I would not want to do anything involving a female.

Friend #2
So my second friend is the opposite of the first guy - he's DEFINITELY more touchy, but 100% doesn't do the talking (sexually). Well the thing is, I'm a very touchy guy. When I see him I would always jump on him, tackle, wrap my arm around him, etc and he would always defend himself and never do anything back. I would do this to him every day, and randomly during our shift. I do this to everyone, like I said I'm just a touchy guy. But because he got a new job that required him to work full time, he went from working with me every week to working once a week. I haven't worked with him in over four months, until the beginning of last month (which I've beginning to work with him a lot again). When I first saw him he tackled me and put his arm around me and said "I miss you doing this to me all the time" and we both started laughing. Now we basically switched roles -- he's always doing it to ME now, and I am NEVER doing it to him. Maybe it's because I started this "trend" and he feels comfortable? Like a bond type of thing and he just wasn't use to someone not doing it to him at his other job since I would always do that to him? I don't want to sound ignorant but I can't see him liking men.

He's straight, really cool guy, likes hip hop, play sports, skates, has this baggy type of clothing style, and respectful towards other (not homophobic, racist, etc. Feels really strong about this and dislikes anything negative) and talks using slang a lot. I find him cute, green eyes, blonde hair and twenty one years old. We talk a lot and recently he's been getting more "playful" with me, like wrapping his arm around me, scratching my back, or sometimes he would hug me from behind randomly etc (so not even the tackling anymore, he's getting more "intimate" in the touching). I just ignore it since he's just playing around. But sometimes I wonder if he's bi(curious). He's having problems with his girlfriend right now so I don't know if this is why he's touchy touchy with me..? I for sure know he's straight but I've never heard him say "that girl's hot" or anything (not saying that makes him gay), but then again he is very respectful to everyone since that's how his mom raised him (parents are divorced, he has step parents). He also doesn't like to show Public Display of Affection. He told me he will not hold hands with his girlfriend in public, kiss, anything that's touchy. I asked him does he at least cuddle with her when they're alone and he said yes, but in a very shy way.

Thoughts please?

 

[jo_addict]

My thoughts:

I had a friend like your friend #1, only worse. He would walk into my room at Uni Res with no clothes on (he would take them off right out side my door) W T F. ! He would stand there and talk to me as though there was nothing strange or odd that he was totally naked. After I stuttered and stammered he would run out laughing and put his clothes back on. When we were eating a meal he would eat a bananna in the most suggestive way like he was giving head to it; going down on it right into his throat, whilst looking at me, man that drove me crazy. One evening when he walked into my room (again) with no clothes on I told him to come closer to me "I said let me suck your cock", I called his bluff, but he laughed and ran out to change again, muttering something like 'you are not gay'. That time he definitely was getting a boner. My point is, I seriously regret (now years later) not being more forceful and aggressive with this guy. I am sure I would have got what I wanted. I have not seen him for years now but still fantasize about him.

Friend # 2
This guy sounds like more of a puzzle, to me. But not being there and seeing how he behaves, or how he looks at you (and other guys) it is difficult to say. As many others say here, trust your instincts.

I add "just go for it" if you dont you will live for years and years regretting it. My bet is with Friend # 1, even if its just a one off fling.

 

[szuchie]

Thanks for the reply!

I'm talking to Friend #1 right now and he just asked me to come over to have sex, and "he's not kidding". I just replied "lol", brushing it off. I'm not attracted to him, and even though I don't know him that much, I've heard from mutual friends that he's a very protective guy. Like VERY. To the extreme that he would talk to your parents, and I don't want to have any sexual "friends with benefits" with him knowing he will tell my parents, and even worse that I'm not even out.

Friend #2 definitley confuses me. I find him cute but I wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship, so I guess you could say I would do nothing sexual to any of these friends (both for complete different reasons though). Friend #2 is more of a I would like to cuddle with, but that's the farthest I would go to. I really don't understand him. I'm sure he's straight but he's sending signals that make me question. Then again, straight guys do this to each other all the time. I guess some do it more than others.

 

[texan_slant]

Unless, they say they're gay, or interested, I don't necessarily expect them to be; I assume they're straight unless they come right out and say it.

Sure, I've been in your boat plenty of times, but I just usually take it for what it is, and have fun with the attention.

 

[evanrick]

straight guys will do "gay" things very often, some more than others. but you cant assume just because they like other guys that they are automatically "gay" in that sense.

i dont think its important at all to label someone gay or straight, its too confining, and i think labels are what some men are afraid of.

i know many straight guys that i could totally see worshiping cock. i would just let your relationships develop naturally, because you will not lose anything in the long run if you play your cards right.

if you try and pin them down, thats when they might get afraid. in the end, what does it matter, a dick is a dick.

 

[MatttheBruinsfan]

I'd say friend #2 is just starved for affectionate friendly touch, and since you've demonstrated that you're more than OK with it, makes sure to get his allotment when you're together. I wouldn't read anything sexual into it, just enjoy his friendship and roughhousing for what it is.

Friend #1 is harder to read, but since you're not particularly attracted to him and there are weird issues there I'd say it doesn't really matter what's up with him-just put any thought of messing around out of your mind. There are nice, willing guys out there that you will find attractive and be able to get involved with minus the worries that friend #1 brings. All you have to do is go out and find them.

 

[szuchie]

Thanks for the replies everyone! It really helped.

Unless, they say they're gay, or interested, I don't necessarily expect them to be; I assume they're straight unless they come right out and say it.

Sure, I've been in your boat plenty of times, but I just usually take it for what it is, and have fun with the attention.

Thanks! And that's what I'm trying to do. It's just really hard until you're in the situation and they get really playful.

I'd say friend #2 is just starved for affectionate friendly touch, and since you've demonstrated that you're more than OK with it, makes sure to get his allotment when you're together. I wouldn't read anything sexual into it, just enjoy his friendship and roughhousing for what it is.

Friend #1 is harder to read, but since you're not particularly attracted to him and there are weird issues there I'd say it doesn't really matter what's up with him-just put any thought of messing around out of your mind. There are nice, willing guys out there that you will find attractive and be able to get involved with minus the worries that friend #1 brings. All you have to do is go out and find them.

I think you may be right with Friend #2. I'm very touchy with him (that's my personality), and I don't even notice it. My friend once told me that I am a reallllly touchy guy, and I never thought I was. I remember I would always tackle him and he would always try to back down or move away, but now when I do it (which is rare since he's always doing it to me now) he lets me. I guess you can easily say it is my fault that he is so touchy touchy now? lol. Also I don't want to be very stereotypical because I know how horrible that is, but he listens to hip hop, dresses the "hip hop style" (except not to the extreme, just shows his under wear), talks in slang, skate boards etc.. But then again he's a nice guy, he does not like/tolerate racism, sexism, homophobes... He doesn't like to show PDA to his girl friend in public, only in privacy, and even then I don't know if he is touchy-touchy with his girlfriend in privacy since I will never see them privately. I've seen them together before and I was shocked to find out that was his girlfriend because they were so far apart from each other, and I whispered to him "wow you weren't kidding when you said you don't like to show PDA!" lol! And I think one of his good friends is gay, because I saw him talking to this guy on twitter alot and I *think* he is gay... not saying those are reasons that doubt his sexuality (straight).

straight guys will do "gay" things very often, some more than others. but you cant assume just because they like other guys that they are automatically "gay" in that sense.

i dont think its important at all to label someone gay or straight, its too confining, and i think labels are what some men are afraid of.

i know many straight guys that i could totally see worshiping cock. i would just let your relationships develop naturally, because you will not lose anything in the long run if you play your cards right.

if you try and pin them down, thats when they might get afraid. in the end, what does it matter, a dick is a dick.

For Friend #1, I am just curious to know can a straight male be so sexually frustrated, that they would do something with a gay guy? I know this happens discreetly, but I just can't picture it. It's like asking a gay guy would they do something sexual with a female. The answer is probably no.

Friend #2 I can't see liking men. I can picture him just sleeping with a guy, getting comfortable and just cuddle, but right when the guy starts making a move, he'll get freaked out and nervous and just jump out of the bed.

 

[firstella]

For Friend #1, I am just curious to know can a straight male be so sexually frustrated, that they would do something with a gay guy? I know this happens discreetly, but I just can't picture it. It's like asking a gay guy would they do something sexual with a female. The answer is probably no.

Friend #2 I can't see liking men. I can picture him just sleeping with a guy, getting comfortable and just cuddle, but right when the guy starts making a move, he'll get freaked out and nervous and just jump out of the bed.

For Friend #1----> No such thing....A guy thats sexually frustrated will logically go use his hand first. Gay men get sexually frustrated too! Do you think they instead go out hitting on random women? Very unlikely..

Thats an easy cop out to deny ones true feelings of his sexuality, which may or may not be fluid....Horniness (for men) works like Alcohol does...it usually exagerates preformed ideas, not make them...

 

[stevexxx]

friend number 2 doesn't show public affection because probably he wasn't taught that at childhood. idk something with his childhood probably. now for both numbers 1 and 2: just because straight guys say gay comments doesnt make them bi curious so you need to lower your expectations by a mile. i kid around with my friends like that. sometimes im like, " so what are you getting me for valentines day" and " get touchy" doesnt mean im gay. its typical with a group of guys. straight friends do things that seem gay but it doesnt mean they are bi and want you in bed. that is a misconception gay people seem to have about their straight counterparts; just saying

 

[szuchie]

For Friend #1----> No such thing....A guy thats sexually frustrated will logically go use his hand first. Gay men get sexually frustrated too! Do you think they instead go out hitting on random women? Very unlikely..

Thats an easy cop out to deny ones true feelings of his sexuality, which may or may not be fluid....Horniness (for men) works like Alcohol does...it usually exagerates preformed ideas, not make them...

But look at the men in prison, or is that only a myth...

friend number 2 doesn't show public affection because probably he wasn't taught that at childhood. idk something with his childhood probably. now for both numbers 1 and 2: just because straight guys say gay comments doesnt make them bi curious so you need to lower your expectations by a mile. i kid around with my friends like that. sometimes im like, " so what are you getting me for valentines day" and " get touchy" doesnt mean im gay. its typical with a group of guys. straight friends do things that seem gay but it doesnt mean they are bi and want you in bed. that is a misconception gay people seem to have about their straight counterparts; just saying

I guess maybe that's true. His parents divorced at a young age. He's always telling me how he likes his mom, not much his dad and step parents.

And I agree that saying (or doing) things doesn't make you gay, but the fact that he does it to me ALOT. I use to do it to him but now that I don't he is constantly always touching me/being extremely playful with me now.

 

[stevexxx]

But look at the men in prison, or is that only a myth...



I guess maybe that's true. His parents divorced at a young age. He's always telling me how he likes his mom, not much his dad and step parents.

And I agree that saying (or doing) things doesn't make you gay, but the fact that he does it to me ALOT. I use to do it to him but now that I don't he is constantly always touching me/being extremely playful with me now.

number 2 likes the attention