Question About Telephone Contact With Friend

[MorrisseyX]

I have a friend and for most of the time I have known him I acknowledge that he called me more asking me to hang out. I definitely call him. I saw him last week and I specifically asked him why is this such a big deal? He said that "change is hard". Well suddenly, he is not initiating phone contact and now he wants me to phone him more. I don't know what to think about this?

He responds to my phone calls and calls back but only after I first make contact. Has anyone ever heard of this before? I don't have a problem with calling him. I just wonder why does he want me to contact him "more" "now". Since we are just friends why does he want me to contact him more now?

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm not sure I understand. Let me lay it out.

1. He used to call you more than you called him, although you DID call him sometimes.
2. You specifically asked him why this was such a big deal, and he said "change is hard".
3. Now he's waiting for you to call him.

Where'd number 2 come from? I mean, it doesn't SOUND like it was a big deal. I have friends where I'm more likely to be first contact, and others where they are. And it ISN'T a big deal. So why did you ask him about it?

Lex

 

[MorrisseyX]

I did ask him this question the other day when I saw him about why he wants me to make first contact. He said he just wants me to make the effort to call him more. But why? Why should it matter to him?I told him I don't mind contacting him but a friendship should not be one way traffic. I don't mind contacting him first for a bit but I told him I want him to contact me first as well. It is all about respect. I don't mind calling him but I'm not going to chase anyone for a friendship because that's not fair to me. He said he would like me to call him more but the truth is I do call him just whenever I feel like it. I am thinking about ending the friendship.

 

[G-Lexington]

It sounds a bit odd to me. But why not just go along with it? Call him when you feel like it. If he doesn't call you, so be it.

Lex

 

[MorrisseyX]

I find this odd too. I don't get it? In the last few weeks he won't text, call, or e-mail unless I make first contact. All I can say is he changed after we broke up. I asked him Tuesday when I saw him that of course I don't mind calling him but he has to respect my feelings as well. I told him I will try to contact him a little bit more when I feel like it. We didn't speak for the entire month of November and I saw him for the first time in a month last week Tuesday. I told him I would like us to be friends.

I am trying to be his friend because I value the friendship but a part of me does find this behavior kind of odd. Maybe you are right maybe I am making this bigger then this needs to be? I will go along with it for a bit I guess.

I guess this is what I am trying to do. I called him last night and we talked for an hour and the conversation was okay. I have known this guy for a long time he knows I called him plenty of times. A part of me feels like I will do this for a bit but I definitely need to expand my social circle.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

You sort of left a very important detail out of your initial post. The fact that you used to go out, is VERY important. Who broke up with who? Seems if you broke up with him, he might have a very logical and rational reason for YOU to reach out to him - you did break up with him. If he broke up with you - little more complicated.

 

[MorrisseyX]

He was the one that broke up with me. He is the one that said he just "wanted" to be friends. I am over the hurt and the anger and I want to be his friend maybe this isn't really possible though? I realize I deserve better from a boyfriend and we are just not a match we are better off as friends. I can do better then him but I realize it will take me time to meet a new man.

However, I feel since I have known him for a long time and I did miss him when I did not speak to him in November that I should try giving the friendship one last shot.

I definitely don't want him as a boyfriend. I am contacting volunteer organizations because I want to get itno volunteering and meet new people.

I remember when I saw him last week he was talking about a sexual experience he had at a bathhouse and I just listened. I wasn't surprised.

I wasn't surprised because we weren't in contact with each other for a month. When we had dinner last week he asked me if I had sex recently and I said yes I did I wasn't going to lie. He then began to start talking about his sexual experience. I didn't mind at all I listened.

However, when I started to speak about a sexual experience I had at bathhouse and that I got another guy's phone number then he took the dinner menu covered it over his face and he said he "I do not want to hear about it ." I finished talking about my sexual experience anyway. I was surprised at his behaviour. After all he's the one that ended it. I wasn't going to just sit around in November and not have a sex life because he ended it.I thought that was odd and he said he didn't want to hear about my sexual experience. I thought that was odd because I don't care who he screws because we are never having sex again with each other as far as I am concerned.

After dinner we took a walk in the park and I told him I "missed him" and he said he "missed me too."



I decided that since I do care about him that I can "try" to be his friend but I do have a breaking point. I will call him first for a bit but that's it.
I will give this a month if I see no change I will just end the friendship and go back to no contact.

 

[slickery]

Weird. Perhaps just basically try calling whenever you wish to speak with him. It sounds like you have some sort of schedule, which is also weird.

Although I do have an ex like this. But he is just very bad in keeping in contact with everyone. I once went 4 months without speaking to him, and then one day I decided to email him. He told me hated not speaking to me for that long. Yet at the same time, he has a phone, he has a computer, he has many ways to get in contact with me, he was just terrible at it.

 

[Lube]

It sounds like he hasn't completely gotten over you.

Nor you him.

 

[MorrisseyX]

You think so Lube that's interesting. I admit I wish I didn't have feelings for him. It was sheer torture not speaking to him for the entire month of November with no contact. Maybe no contact is the only way. I just decided I should just be his friend because that's what he wants.But then I think to myself "what do I really want?" I want to meet new people, I want to expand my horizons but I don't just want to go out with just anybody. I just don't want to go out with him.

I am torn a part of me feels like I should just see him next week and end the friendship because he is too confusing. Another part of me cares about him. It sucks in this sense because when we were "just friends" he was very open with me. And now he isn't. I thought his actions were weird because he was the "one" that ended it.I am trying to be mature here I will contact him but I also realize I have to try to meet new people. But I don't know "how" much longer I am going to put up with him wanting me to make "first" contact business. Sometimes I wish I had a heart of stone that I was cold and evil because he hurt me and yet I care about him I wish I didn't but I do. I am just trying to bei real cautious.