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Question For The Shy Guys

Muscles4daze

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I know for a lot of shy men approaching someone who you are interested in is not easy, but my question is once you speak to that guy for the first and second time do you become somewhat more confident or does the anxiety get worst especially if your feelings get stronger for the guy. Do you avoid him? do you still get nervous around him things of that nature.
 
For me, the anxiety do get worse, and yes, I still get nervous, probably because the more time you spent with him, the higher the subconscious expectation becomes, thus, stronger pain at stake. But no matter what, I spend as much time with him as possible, simply because I'm really desperate for a significant other.

may I ask why you're asking?
 
For me, the anxiety do get worse, and yes, I still get nervous, probably because the more time you spent with him, the higher the subconscious expectation becomes, thus, stronger pain at stake. But no matter what, I spend as much time with him as possible, simply because I'm really desperate for a significant other.

may I ask why you're asking?

Well basically there is this shy guy, I am trying to get to know. I came to the conclusion that he was shy because before we initially spoke, he would look at me and then look away if I would look back at him, and if he did return my glance it would be brief and he would then look at the ground. I knew that if I ever wanted to talk to this guy I would have to initiate the conversation and once I did that he seemed very happy to finally talk with me, but even then he seemed a little nervous. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I know that I am an attractive guy and sometimes people have preconceived notions about attractive people (conceited, arrogant etc.), but I take pride in my personality more than anything else. I am a very humble, friendly, generous person and a lot of people like that about me. Getting back to the guy, during our conversation everything seemed to go really well.

Now I am starting to get the impression that he is avoiding me, he will say hello, but he keeps his distance, yet he always positions himself where he can observe me without me noticing (usually behind me, or somewhere out of my direct vision). Another thing that I forgot to add is I really like to dress, I like nice clothes, cool clothes you name it, but from what i've seen I don't think he's really big on being trendy. Due to the change in his behavior im assuming maybe the conversation did not go as well as I thought or maybe he is just really shy and feeling a little insecure.
 
That situation sucks all the way around. He misses out on a great guy, and you miss out on what could be a great guy also.

Without knowing this guy, it would be hard for anyone here to say what's really going on. I would hate to do that.

Long story short, you two just aren't on the same level. But by all means don't let me detract you if you really like this guy. You may be able to pull him out of his shell.

If his shyness is because he feels little to no self worth, that is not something you can give him easily, he will have to find that on his own. But, it never hurts to try. Just keep your head level.

When you catch him behind you, avoiding your glances, do something to embarass yourself. Trip and fall down. Drop all the things you have in your hands. Something, make yourself vulnerable for a minute. Hopefully, your guy there will have the courage to help you.
 
I think alot of shy guys are shy at first, but once they feel comfortable with you, they tend to open up. It is just getting past that initial phase of meeting and talking. I know becuase that is how I am.
 
Thanks a lot guys for your input! I'm not a shy at all, so it's really hard for me to understand the behavior of someone that is. I thought that him seeing how down to earth I am would have put him at ease, but I guess not. There is a slight chance that he's going through some things right now, but I do think you guys are right, I can't make him overcome his shyness, that's something he has to do on his own. It kind of sucks though because I really liked this guy, even though I take pride in my appearance I'm not vain. He didn't have a six pack, or dressed like he just came off of a runway, but he seemed like a real genuine guy and I will take that any day over a pair of abs, and Armani shades.
 
From my point of view, I think, if you find it worth your while, that you should perhaps keep at it. I'm very shy myself, but if the guy that I totally had the hots for came up and started chattin to me, that would make my day!

However, I know if I were in his position, I'd be wondering why a hot guy that I fancied was interested in me. I'd initially assume there was an alterior motive lol, but thats just cause I'm suspicious lol

(!)(!)
 
Your an idiot. Just go up and ask him flat out if he's interested in going out to dinner. If you are this supposedly confident person, then you wouldn't be so intimated by someones shyness. If he says no, then you have your answer and can move on with your life.

Sometimes people aren't trustworthy, and maybe this is why he is shy, he doesn't know you to be trustworthy...You really haven't made moves past the 'acquaintance' part of the relationship. if someone is genuinely interested, as you've indicated you are, you'd make the first move to pursuit them. There is some chasing involved, but if your persistent he would interpret it to mean that you REALLY like him.

Sometimes a simpler gesture would be to invite him out to with friends to get to know you better. A no pressure environment that could lead to a better introduction to each other, to see if even your compatible. The friendship route can be less intimidating and better results, if you don't have the 'hots' for each other you at least made another friend. Which could be of some significant value versus a relationship to a shy guy.

'levels' -- come on people!

Please return to your designated spot under the bridge immediately, your opinions are not valued, thank you :wave:

forumtrolls.jpg
 
Your an idiot. Just go up and ask him flat out if he's interested in going out to dinner. If you are this supposedly confident person, then you wouldn't be so intimated by someones shyness. If he says no, then you have your answer and can move on with your life.

Sometimes people aren't trustworthy, and maybe this is why he is shy, he doesn't know you to be trustworthy...You really haven't made moves past the 'acquaintance' part of the relationship. if someone is genuinely interested, as you've indicated you are, you'd make the first move to pursuit them. There is some chasing involved, but if your persistent he would interpret it to mean that you REALLY like him.

Sometimes a simpler gesture would be to invite him out to with friends to get to know you better. A no pressure environment that could lead to a better introduction to each other, to see if even your compatible. The friendship route can be less intimidating and better results, if you don't have the 'hots' for each other you at least made another friend. Which could be of some significant value versus a relationship to a shy guy.

'levels' -- come on people!

I see where you're coming from and your intentions seem good, but do you think calling someone an idiot is the best way to get them to hear what you have to say? :rolleyes:

And yeah, levels.

Speaking of, I'll come down off mine now. Thank you.
 
It takes me a while to warm up to someone, but it does happen eventually.
 
I'm a shy guy, initially, but after I get comfortable, there's a side of me that you'd never even imagine that I had!

Get to know shy guys, it might be worth it! The thing with outgoing guys, is that although they are easier to approach, you already can get a good idea of what they are like the first time meet them.

I think you should pursue this dude, it might be worth it!
 
Well basically there is this shy guy, I am trying to get to know. I came to the conclusion that he was shy because before we initially spoke, he would look at me and then look away if I would look back at him, and if he did return my glance it would be brief and he would then look at the ground. I knew that if I ever wanted to talk to this guy I would have to initiate the conversation and once I did that he seemed very happy to finally talk with me, but even then he seemed a little nervous. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I know that I am an attractive guy and sometimes people have preconceived notions about attractive people (conceited, arrogant etc.), but I take pride in my personality more than anything else. I am a very humble, friendly, generous person and a lot of people like that about me. Getting back to the guy, during our conversation everything seemed to go really well.

Now I am starting to get the impression that he is avoiding me, he will say hello, but he keeps his distance, yet he always positions himself where he can observe me without me noticing (usually behind me, or somewhere out of my direct vision). Another thing that I forgot to add is I really like to dress, I like nice clothes, cool clothes you name it, but from what i've seen I don't think he's really big on being trendy. Due to the change in his behavior im assuming maybe the conversation did not go as well as I thought or maybe he is just really shy and feeling a little insecure.

OMG, you and I have to meet ;)
 
i have never approached anyone before. i take shyness to a whole new level. ;)

I see you and raise you.

Muscles4daze, the guy you described sounds exactly like me. I'm afraid to approach people under any circumstances, not just sexual/romantic, and when I'm attracted to someone, that's when I find it hardest to hold eye contact (nearly impossible actually). I look away. I look down. I secretly hope the other person noticed me looking just enough to make the first move (not that this has ever, ever worked for me). If someone does talk to me, I'm usually more relaxed and able to converse, if the other person takes the lead to an extent, because the other person has taken the pressure of rejection upon himself, and that's a great relief.

If this shy guy is anything like me, he might also be a little insecure, and if so he might also be worried your conversation didn't go as well as he thought. And if you're as attractive as you say he might still be incredulous ("He's interested in me?"). So he hangs back, thinking, "If he likes me, he'll talk to me again." So I'd suggest you keep at it. You shouldn't have to struggle for weeks and weeks and weeks just to get this guy to open his mouth, but it might be worth pursuing him for long enough to get his confidence up about you wanting to spend time with him.

As a chronically shy guy, I'm very glad guys like you exist. All I have to do now is meet one. :-)
 
I need time to warm up. If its a guy I like, I get kinda flustered. and it can be embarassing. lol.
 
You never mentioned if you are sure the guy is gay. Are you? Is ie? is he out?
 
You never said if you know for sure the shy guy is gay? Is he out? Are you sure he is gay?
 
I think alot of shy guys are shy at first, but once they feel comfortable with you, they tend to open up. It is just getting past that initial phase of meeting and talking. I know becuase that is how I am.

We'll obviously thats what shy means.

I'm shy but at the same time I like to make impulsive moves so it gets in my way half of the time when I like a guy depending on my confidence.
 
Hey muscles... just wanted to highlight a few parts of your posts...

I am a very humble, friendly, generous person and a lot of people like that about me.

You may know that mate, but theres not a hope of this guy piecing that together after one very brief conversation. Those traits are ones that take time to show through... you have to give this guy a chance to discover them for himself.


Now I am starting to get the impression that he is avoiding me, he will say hello, but he keeps his distance, yet he always positions himself where he can observe me without me noticing (usually behind me, or somewhere out of my direct vision).

Theres a huge difference between avoidance and shyness... but from a distance its easy to make that mistake.


Another thing that I forgot to add is I really like to dress, I like nice clothes, cool clothes you name it, but from what i've seen I don't think he's really big on being trendy. Due to the change in his behavior im assuming maybe the conversation did not go as well as I thought or maybe he is just really shy and feeling a little insecure.

What I suspect you'll find is that you intimidated the hell out of him when you spoke to him out of the blue and your appearance most likely added to his misconceptions about you.


There is a slight chance that he's going through some things right now, but I do think you guys are right, I can't make him overcome his shyness, that's something he has to do on his own.

Actually mate its not. Many people make the mistake of thinking that a shy person stays shy... and its often a long way from the truth. Put yourself in his shoes for a sec... he doesnt know you from Adam... and yet you are hoping he'll open right up to you in one conversation?

Some of the most incredible people I've ever met are the ones who were as scared as hell of meeting me. They didnt think they could teach me things, show me things or share things with me.... and I sure as hell don't consider myself anything special.

But let them see that you are just a guy, like them, it all falls away. Shyness is a temporary condition... not a relationship long disablilty. You just have to get past it.


It kind of sucks though because I really liked this guy, even though I take pride in my appearance I'm not vain. He didn't have a six pack, or dressed like he just came off of a runway, but he seemed like a real genuine guy and I will take that any day over a pair of abs, and Armani shades.

Well its clear you think hes worth the effort... so make it. He wont... or cant right now, but give him some time. Let him get comfortable with you and give him the opportunity to see that other side to you... not the one he thinks he sees... the one from a distance.

He's got a whole mental picture of who he thinks you are... and its most likely completely screwed up.

The choice is yours as to whether or not you help him get it right.

And my guess is that if you make that effort, you'll be happily surprised.
 
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