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Question for those still not out yet

I'm glad that you realize your trueself and your problems. If it's due to the reason of psychological affects that you can't coem out, you should fix it. There is no excuse for that. However, if it is a small social restrictions, you shouldn't force yourself. Though, find somewhere you can be yourself. You have to come out to someone! You still have several years before it's too late.
 
aresbee29, please keep posting here and keep the dialogue going. There are many of us here who know what it's like to be in the closet, to come out, and what life was like before and after.

The standard advice people get in advice columns is to see a professional counselor. In your case I think that makes a lot of sense. Then there will be at least one person you can talk to, in person, who will be able to look at your situation objectively and help you figure out what to do.

Of course some counselors are better than others, so you might have to shop around until you find the right one for you. But with all of them, the good news is that your confidentiality will be maintained and nobody else will find out what you're talking about.

In particular, I think you need to try to figure out what is the real reason you don't want to tell anyone you're gay. Is it really because you're afraid of how they would react? Or is it because you're not as comfortable with being gay as you say you are. The symptoms you describe suggest this goes way beyond just social awkwardness -- it's affecting your whole attitude to life.

My heart really goes out to you. It will be difficult, but the sooner you fix this problem the better. Then you can enjoy the rest of your life.
 
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