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flyboy359

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Hey all,
I've been a lurker here for years. Since 2004 at least and just joined. I just came out and met a lot of wonderful friends since then. Since accepting myself I've been wanting to be in a relationship with another guy. I met a really great guy online a month ago and we dated for while. Both of sent signals to each other indicating we were interested. However, it took 4 weeks until we first kissed. We kissed last Friday and ended dating on Sunday - this was on his terms which I agreed to. We are now friends.

Here is my question. I am 22, 23 next month. Years don't matter I guess, but I want to start experiencing things. By things I mean sexually. I am a virgin and partly which to wait for the "right guy." However, most of me doesn't want to do that anymore and I just want to experience it. My reasoning for this is because I feel I am ready, I could die tomorrow and never have experienced sex, what if the right guy never comes along?

You all can probably sense frustration on my end. My friends tell me to go for it, while others tell me to not seem so desperate. If I was desperate, I'd be out at bars which I am not.

IDK... I'm frustrated and finally having sex has been on my mind for the longest time, even when I told myself I was straight.

Any insight?

Thanks!
 
It depends on how you value sex. I rather have my first time to be something i'd like to remember for the rest of my life. Nothing perfect, just special.
 
I'm a couple years older than you but I could have written this post myself not too long ago. I definitely understand where you're coming from because I pretty much followed the same line of thought. I wanted a long time hoping for the "right" guy and I finally go to the point where I don't know when that guy is going to show up and I really felt ready to take the plunge.

I ended up messing around with a friend of mine this week and althought it was kind a of a mixed experience (but mostly positive), I don't regret it. I will say it was a little awkward (for me) and I did kind of have a "that's it?" feeling afterward. So while I don't regret it, I'm not sure how I should proceed. I think I may try to do it some more (which I'm leaning toward just to get some of the awkwardness out of the way), but honestly I think I could just as easily just wait until I find a boyfriend too. Only time will tell.
 
It's not really about finding mr. right. It's about doing it with someone you trust your body to.

I was lucky enough to meet someone...no one special...who had come out around the same time I did, and we did A LOT of experimenting. It was fun and we both trusted each other. And while now he doesn't mean anything to me, I'll still always remember him and the good times we had.
 
Did no one told you not to wait for the "right guy"? especially to have sex with the "right guy". You want to have some experiences before meeting the "right guy", don't want to embarrass yourself in the bedroom now do you? I think if you feel like you are ready for it then definitely go for it, just make sure to be safe. That's always important.
 
Oh for heaven's sakes.

Go for it.
 
you can still find the "right guy" at the bars and still not be desperate. you should focus on increasing your chances of meeting available men and going to places where gay men hang out (like bars) should be included.
 
spencer said:
you can still find the "right guy" at the bars and still not be desperate. you should focus on increasing your chances of meeting available men and going to places where gay men hang out (like bars) should be included.
Click to expand...

I wonder about this, personally. I guess I just tend to think that guys out at the bar aren't really looking to date. They're either there to just drink, dance and hang out with friends (like me) or they're after a hookup. That is why I don't really ever approach anyone at a bar that I think is attractive. I suppose I would be wrong about this though.
 
Hi flyboy and welcome to posting. It's good to have you here.

"Waiting for the right guy" is idealistic and over-rated, in my opinion. Besides, experience gives you information about who, exactly, Mr. Right is.

I wouldn't over analyze this--just go out and have fun, meet new people, and follow your instincts.

Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
 
magicman84 said:
I wonder about this, personally. I guess I just tend to think that guys out at the bar aren't really looking to date. They're either there to just drink, dance and hang out with friends (like me) or they're after a hookup. That is why I don't really ever approach anyone at a bar that I think is attractive. I suppose I would be wrong about this though.
Click to expand...

I've met people that i've befriended at bars whose friends I ended up dating. I've also met people who don't normally go to bars that are their with their friends cause it's a special occasion. Not everyone at a gay bar is there for the same thing. In fact there are a few straight men hitting on girls too.

My best gay friend I met at a bar, he hooks up on occassion with people he meets, but he's a great friend and I probably wouldn't have met him any other way.

One more example. People like to drink. You know how straight men or married men hit the bar every week for a drink or two and aren't necessarily looking for a hookup? Well some gay men, partnered or not, just want a place where they can be comfortable getting a drink or playing pool or hangin out with their friends. They hang out at bars too. They're excellent relationship material.

Lose your view on why people are at gay bars.
 
spencer said:
I've met people that i've befriended at bars whose friends I ended up dating. I've also met people who don't normally go to bars that are their with their friends cause it's a special occasion. Not everyone at a gay bar is there for the same thing. In fact there are a few straight men hitting on girls too.

My best gay friend I met at a bar, he hooks up on occassion with people he meets, but he's a great friend and I probably wouldn't have met him any other way.

One more example. People like to drink. You know how straight men or married men hit the bar every week for a drink or two and aren't necessarily looking for a hookup? Well some gay men, partnered or not, just want a place where they can be comfortable getting a drink or playing pool or hangin out with their friends. They hang out at bars too. They're excellent relationship material.

Lose your view on why people are at gay bars.
Click to expand...

Fair enough. That does make a lot of sense, and I know I need to let go of those kinds of notions. Hell a friend of mine even said to me once, "Hey, if you're here and YOU want to find someone to date, why would you assume no one else here wants to?"
 
Hi

I think im about 35 years older than you (and therefore BEEN AROUND) and been in a relationship for the last 24 years (and still get around a bit- men are hunters and need a bit of different meat every once in a while, and yes i still love my boyfriend, and yes i do know where home is, and yes he always knows where i am going and who i am with, and yes he trusts me implicity, and no i NEVER lie to him, no not ever!)

I think you need to meet and sleep with at least 100 Mr Wrongs before before you even begin to recognise what Mr Right might look and feel like. Try to get to about 3-4 different guys a week for the next year. Then stop take a breath and see how you feel then.

If you still need some help - contact me then (well anytime actually)

Den ..|
 
if i were you, i would experience sex or whatever i'd want, of course not waiting for the "right guy". personally, i think there is not someone specific who's gonna be the right guy. you should do whatever you want and when the "right guy" arrives it's going to be something special itself, being a virgin or not!
 
flyboy359 said:
Here is my question. I am 22, 23 next month. Years don't matter I guess, but I want to start experiencing things. By things I mean sexually. I am a virgin and partly which to wait for the "right guy." However, most of me doesn't want to do that anymore and I just want to experience it. My reasoning for this is because I feel I am ready, I could die tomorrow and never have experienced sex, what if the right guy never comes along?
!
Click to expand...

The problem isn't sex.. it's the way that you're viewing it.

Sex is supposed to be a healthy part of a relationship. It's not the relationship. It's not what will fix or make perfect a bad relationship.

Somewhere between the belief that sex is shameful and the belief that sex fixes all problems is a normal expression of healthy sexuality between two consenting adults.

You just need to find that happy medium and then enjoy.
 
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