Questions About Bisexuality

[dexyboi86]

I am glad I am not the only one! I feel the same way as you.

 

[Brer Fox]

Sexuality is incredibly complex. There is no 'just gay,' 'just straight,' or even 'just bi,' and from my experience it does change over time.

I am only physically attracted to girls, although I am a bit more attracted to guys in that sense. I could never fall in love with a woman, I only forge the emotional bonds with other men, which is why I usually label myself 'gay.'

Although a lot of people are gay or straight from birth and never change, there are perhaps more who have a dynamic sexuality. I could not really consider myself anything until puberty, I was actually pretty 'asexual' if you will, then puberty hits and I am pretty straight, then curious, then 'bisexual,' and from then I have, for whatever reason, gotten gayer and gayer. Nowadays I am beginning to be unable to look at women in a romantic or sexual context, I just feel empty. Only a man can give me the butterflies.

So do not get so caught up in terminology, it forces you to view yourself two-dimensionally. I forgot who answered the question of sexuality when he said 'I am just sexual,' but that is really the right answer when you think about it.

 

[KennyD]

Instead of "labeling" yourself as "Gay" or "bi-Sexual" etc ... why not just say that you are a "Sexual Being" ? You can be sexually attracted to male or female and should not feel guilty about feelings for either ... Just be yourself and don't dwell on those damm labels and you will be ok ... Good Luck !!

 

[RicanDAB]

I find myself sexually attracted to males and females, though for the past 10 years I have exclusively dated only men. We all have a continuum in which we have attraction toward one sex more than the other. Rarely is someone 50/50 -- though it is slightly common to be 100% one way or the other, most are in a percentage higher than the other. I used to think I was equally attracted to males and females but as I get older I realize I am probably 80% male and 20% female attraction. Unlike some of my gay friends, I can talk about being with a woman and not get grossed out. Would I ever be with a woman again? Not sure if that would ever happen, but I would not deny myself the opportunity I feel is right for me. However, I am very happy to be with a guy at this time. In general, I have also had higher standards for women than with men.

I hate labels too, so I could not care less if someone identifies me as gay or bi. I follow my heart and what makes me happy.

 

[1RadPony]

Beauty is in the eye of the Beast.

 

[MWesH]

The great thing about being BI is you don't have a problem getting a date. Enjoy!

 

[RenaissanceMan]

The great thing about being BI is you don't have a problem getting a date. Enjoy!

Which isn't necessarily true...(especially if you reveal your bisexuality to potential dates).

To respond to the thread topic...

I used to feel pretty much exactly the same way (except I could never think of one female celebrity I thought was hot on the spot...lol).

And you basically already wrote what I was going to, at about the same time..."there's just you". There are a whole bunch of guys like you (or us) and maybe some are kidding themselves for a while, more or less intentionally or not (some may have some internal homophobia or issues with admitting they're full out gay or others, like I think I was, realizing girls are beautiful in many ways and confusing it with sexual attraction), but maybe some are truly bisexual to some degree.

In the end, I personally find that my attraction to guys has been (and in the last couple of years, is especially) so overwhelming that I can't imagine going into a relationship with a girl. It would be completely unfair, and at this point in my life, it would feel "wrong". I think I would be smart enough not to go for it...no matter how great she was or how "in love" I was (that's actually a good reason not to go into a relationship which I'm likely to hurt the other person in eventually). Your reasoning related to your experiences and situations will be different.

 

[looseliam]

I, too, find my attractions/desires to be rather fluid. I go through all guy phases and I get the urge to seek comfort of a woman. Though I find the latter happens less as time goes on.

I still consider myself gay, but when it comes down to it, I'm doing what feels good; regardless of what I say I am.

If that makes any sense...

 

[M4P]

Before I officially came out I thought I was bi because I was engaged to a woman who I truly loved but had stronger feelings for men. I remember a few woman saying I wouldn't have these feelings if I'd been with a real woman or the right woman...

What I'm getting at here is I think both sides are insecure when it comes to bi people and are trying to guard or defend their turf - for lack of a better expression

 

[looseliam]

One thing that I'll say I've had trouble with before is some gay guys almost "bashing" when I say that I'm bisexual. Not always, but on occasion they get defensive or, dare I say, evil. Sometimes they get really arrogant and go "Well you just haven't had the right guy yet" or even go as far as to say how disgusting the thought of being with a woman is. Does anyone know why bisexuality seems to have such a stigma against it, at least in some circles?

There are those who abhor bisexuality. Why, I have no idea.

I find it a bit daft, though. For the minority to discriminate or belittle another minority. C'mon guys, we're in the same boat, so to speak.

 

[RenaissanceMan]

Does anyone know why bisexuality seems to have such a stigma against it, at least in some circles?

It's really strange how I've sort of been on both sides of this "battle" and right now it seems it to be simultaneous (I've both been on the bi side, and the gay side that kind of looks at the whole bi thing as undesirable).

As guys like Soilwork will tell you, the bi guys are believed to tend to go for the easy straight life in the end, when they're done playing with their boy toys (not that they do so intentionally). The 100% gay guys don't like not standing a chance.

For some reason, many straight people and many gay people do not like when someone they would potentially date/have sex with, might desire someone of the "other" sex (either same sex or opposite sex). When it comes to dating, it feels for the other person like they can't fullfill all the bisexual's needs. And for others, it just feels like a moment in their life when they felt bi and have since decided they're not (or acknowledge it as a phase of some sort for some reason...confusion or internal homophobia, feeling like less of a man, etc.) Then these people start to think everyone who feels like they did is going through the same kind of thing.

As for thinking being with a woman is disgusting...I guess that's the most natural one. There are a lot of people who think of love and sex between anyone as beautiful or good in some sense (though they might not like the details). Some people focus on the details and their sexual orientation will naturally give them a feeling of disgust. They're just speaking their mind when they need not (and this happens whether you're talking about straight sex, gay sex, or...fisting).

 

[RenaissanceMan]

Wow, thank you for that. I think that summed up pretty nicely what I was trying to say in my original post...and what you said there sort of clarified and explained it for me. I guess I just bought into the "hype" from these people and thought "wow, well if that's how it went with them, then maybe that could be me, too." Even after all of these great responses though, I feel more secure with myself and comfortable in my own skin again.

Well it COULD be that similar way for you too . The key is to be open, and understand that people have been through the similar things in life. Their experiences can help you with your own, but they don't say anything about your experiences, past, present or future.

That being said, I think I really was influenced in the last year or so by a lot of guys here. Hearing one too many "I'm bi, had a wife and 2.3 kids, white picket fence, golden retriever and now I'm gay and inbetween being unhappy, regretful, and happy" stories kind of made me rethink things differently. Combining those stories with my own experiences made me realize similarities I never saw, which I didn't like.

And if you notice, we're the same age, so I'm still "young and dumb" (and unfortunately not all that hung), lol. Advice, online or in person, but especially online has to be taken as a "thought of the day" and not as literal advice most of the time, especially when we're talking about specifics. If it's one of Soilwork's "grow a pair, stand up for yourself, live your life for yourself" posts, then it's safe to say, it's a good piece of advice though...lol.

Oh...and good you're "taking advantage" of the "support group" early, which for a bisexual thread is surprisingly supportive, even here in the no-flame zone.

 

[RenaissanceMan]

Oh, and as for the labels and the people who are freaked out by bisexuality?

Fuck 'em.

And you might like it too! lol

 

[kurtwild]

that usually happens if you dont know you are gay since you are a kid.
(thank god i knew)

its like that,you start getting you fancy guys and you fell strange,so you call it bi instead of gay in order to accept it yourself.
dont fight with yourself.you are gay,you love guys.
sooner or later you will have to accept it.

 

[drhladnjak]

You have to understand that a lot of gay guys have considered themselves bi at one point, but later came to realize that they were actually gay as they spent more time out of the closet. That's not to say that's what happens every time, but it is fairly common. Additionally, there are some gay guys out there who have been burned by bi guys they dated who eventually married women to live a 'normal' life.

It's something to think about in your life, but I wouldn't spend too much time getting hung up on it.

 

[kurtwild]

You have to understand that a lot of gay guys have considered themselves bi at one point, but later came to realize that they were actually gay as they spent more time out of the closet. That's not to say that's what happens every time, but it is fairly common. Additionally, there are some gay guys out there who have been burned by bi guys they dated who eventually married women to live a 'normal' life.

It's something to think about in your life, but I wouldn't spend too much time getting hung up on it.

great post!

 

[Soilwork]

meh.

I'm not sure why you're even worried about it.

Being bisexual is really just another sexual orientation.

It DOES, of course, come with it's own baggage... just like being gay.

Whomever said (and I think it was Woody Allen) that being bisexual doubles your chances of having a date on Saturday night isn't really correct. Bisexuality will actually turn off a lot of perspective dates.

Many women will consider you gay and not want to go out with you, many gay men will consider you either indecisive or a risk and not want to go out with you.

But everyone's got their hurdles. There's a lot of people out there who'd never go out with a short, bald guy and I still have managed to have a boyfriend for most of my adult life.

It does bug me when people insist that sexuality is "fluid" because for many of us, it's not. I may go back and forth between liking short men and tall men, but aside from that, it's pretty static.

However, if you find yourself going back and forth between men and women... hey... it's just what you are. There's no need to sweat it, really, all of those eccentricities that we have are just what make us unique and worth knowing.

 

[Soilwork]

I always just knew that I wanted to fuck both Jesse and Becky.

OK, see, I'd have a much easier time getting over you being bi than getting over you liking John Stamos.

Next you'll tell us you think Richard Grieco is hot.

 

[Soilwork]

it's ok, my first love was Han Solo.

not Harrison Ford.

Han Solo.


(my second love was Tom Wopat, who was the lesser of the two Dukes of Hazzard.)

 

[RicanDAB]

Well as far as whether someone knows whether they're gay or not when they're a kid...I can remember being a very young kid and (this is gonna be LAAAAME...WARNING!!) when I would watch Full House, I always just knew that I wanted to fuck both Jesse and Becky. So it's something that's always been in me...well, you know what I mean.

I wanted to have sex with the Six Million Dollar Man AND the Bionic Woman when I was a kid ... so I know what you're talking about