Questions for our bi guys

[blackbeltninja]

A day late, but nevertheless...

I really liked girls growing up and even had to have a stand off with an old friend of mine over one whom we both liked (as it happens, we both lost and she is long gone). I mentioned in another thread there was one girl I'd settle down with any day and she's a girl I've known since grade/primary school. I did realise I had an attraction to guys, but I thought at the time it was just curiosity. Never anything vaguely related to an interest in a relationship, at any rate. There were crushes on both sexes, though.

Who will I settle down with? Can't say.
I've never had anything with any guy where I've even had an inkling that it could be a long-term thing. I've only ever had an interest in spending forever with girls; two in particular. I'm guessing there is room to move here so I suppose I will wait and see. However, I do hope to have kids some day; preferably with someone as opposed to adopting, so that might sway things a bit.

As for dating, I've never dated a guy. And for the record, I appreciate the rant by Spikethecat - nicely put.

-d-

 

[teadrinker]

I think the original question is coming from the wrong perspective. JakeBequette seems to imply that being bi means you have the choice of either sex, and you just have to make up your mind. With due respect, this view is simplistic and unreasonable. Bisexuality is a very difficult business both to describe and discuss, because the definitions are so woolly. And everybody has an opinion (often very strongly held) about bisexuality, which is generally not grounded in understanding.

I have spent much time over the last few years talking with bisexual men; many of them, having been married for many years, are trying, in mid-life, to come to terms with their attraction to men. For some this means counselling, deep depression and unhappiness (suicide is not unknown); for others it means taking a male lover "on the side", just to relieve their terrible sexual pressure; for others it means divorce and setting up a new life with a lover as one of a gay couple. A very few have managed to form a closed-loop relationship (look it up!), which works for them.

And many men slowly "seesaw" through attractions to men and to women; for some the swing is quite fast; for others it's slower - measured in months or years. For none of these men is their life easy: whatever choice they make, it's not quite right.

I don't believe any of them have ever been in the position of wondering: "Now, shall I marry, have kids, and live a socially acceptable straight life, or shall I hook up with a man and live out a gay lifestyle?"

I think it behoves all members of this board to develop a little more understanding of bisexuality (there's lots of web resources).

Sorry, that was longer than I intended.

-T.

 

[Roland00]

Wonderful post teadrinker. I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[JakeBequette]

Thank you for posting teadrinker - that was infortmative. I didn't mean to imply that being bi made it where you could choose, but I guess I unintentionally did.

I was just curious about what bi guys thought... I've only ever met one bi guy, and he told me that he planned to marry a woman and just screw around with guys. I guess I hadn't taken into consideration (when asking my questions) that all bi guys aren't 50-50 on which gender they prefer, as many have stated. ​

 

[Kulindahr]

My first attractions were to girls.
Then when I started sports, in middle school, I started noticing guys.

Then hell invaded my life, and for most of the years since I've denied I was attracted to anything at all.
Now I'm just mixed up and lonely.

 

[justsimon]

I think the original question is coming from the wrong perspective. JakeBequette seems to imply that being bi means you have the choice of either sex, and you just have to make up your mind. With due respect, this view is simplistic and unreasonable. Bisexuality is a very difficult business both to describe and discuss, because the definitions are so woolly. And everybody has an opinion (often very strongly held) about bisexuality, which is generally not grounded in understanding.

I have spent much time over the last few years talking with bisexual men; many of them, having been married for many years, are trying, in mid-life, to come to terms with their attraction to men. For some this means counselling, deep depression and unhappiness (suicide is not unknown); for others it means taking a male lover "on the side", just to relieve their terrible sexual pressure; for others it means divorce and setting up a new life with a lover as one of a gay couple. A very few have managed to form a closed-loop relationship (look it up!), which works for them.

And many men slowly "seesaw" through attractions to men and to women; for some the swing is quite fast; for others it's slower - measured in months or years. For none of these men is their life easy: whatever choice they make, it's not quite right.

I don't believe any of them have ever been in the position of wondering: "Now, shall I marry, have kids, and live a socially acceptable straight life, or shall I hook up with a man and live out a gay lifestyle?"

I think it behoves all members of this board to develop a little more understanding of bisexuality (there's lots of web resources).

Sorry, that was longer than I intended.

-T.

Thank you.

 

[collegemo]

While I appreciate your thoughts Teadrinker, I would like to continue some discussion with a point you brought up. You said many of the bisexual men you have talked with are trying to mid-life come to terms with heir attraction to men. You also say how many have a see-saw attraction.
While I am not denying that these exist, I think it is just more about the differences in people. Just as you can have someone who is straight, and someone who is gay, it is understandable to have someone who is somwehere in between.
I don't feel like I go back and forth. I don't feel like I have the days where I feel more strongly attracted to women, and then other times I have my "gay days". It is all sort of muddied water that isn't that easy to pinpoint or see clearly. I can go from checkingout a man on the street to then seeing a girl I find attractive in a coffeeshop a few seconds later. It is not a switch, it is just who I am.
I also think that the previous description of the mid-life crisis attraction to men is not all bisexuals. Possibly it could be a generation before me, where socially it was not as acceptable. For me, I don't want to have a female wife, only to have a male love to satisfy my true desires on the side (as what it sounded like to me by your description). I want a monogomous relationship with someone, who could be male or who could be female. I read somewhere that definitions of sexuality and orientation are not soley in sexual preference, but in pair bonding as well. For example, a homosexual is not just someone who has sexwith men, but the definition also included the term falling in love with, or loving etc...

I think the original question is coming from the wrong perspective. JakeBequette seems to imply that being bi means you have the choice of either sex, and you just have to make up your mind. With due respect, this view is simplistic and unreasonable. Bisexuality is a very difficult business both to describe and discuss, because the definitions are so woolly. And everybody has an opinion (often very strongly held) about bisexuality, which is generally not grounded in understanding.

I have spent much time over the last few years talking with bisexual men; many of them, having been married for many years, are trying, in mid-life, to come to terms with their attraction to men. For some this means counselling, deep depression and unhappiness (suicide is not unknown); for others it means taking a male lover "on the side", just to relieve their terrible sexual pressure; for others it means divorce and setting up a new life with a lover as one of a gay couple. A very few have managed to form a closed-loop relationship (look it up!), which works for them.

And many men slowly "seesaw" through attractions to men and to women; for some the swing is quite fast; for others it's slower - measured in months or years. For none of these men is their life easy: whatever choice they make, it's not quite right.

I don't believe any of them have ever been in the position of wondering: "Now, shall I marry, have kids, and live a socially acceptable straight life, or shall I hook up with a man and live out a gay lifestyle?"

I think it behoves all members of this board to develop a little more understanding of bisexuality (there's lots of web resources).

Sorry, that was longer than I intended.

-T.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^^Excellent points by Collegemo and Teadrinker.

Nice one, guys.

-d-

 

[foolish082]

1. I honestly don't know. I haven't done anything with a guy but kiss. I have no intentions on settling down anytime soon, so I can't say. I'll settle with whoever makes me happy, but that's assuming I'll ever settle down.

2. I've only ever dated or been with women. I'm usually more sexually attracted to men, but I'm still very new to the "gay scene" and that type of enviroment. It doesn't help that only a limited amount of people know that I'm into dudes. The people that do know or just new friends I've made recently and they all live out of town.

3. Well, there's definitely a bigger selection to choose from. lol It kinda sucks because most girls don't want a man who likes other men. Oh well.