Racism?

[tboy34]

You fall into that same taboo zone as a black male........

Very intersting. I like what you're saying!

 

[tboy34]

To me, and I mean no offense to anyone, but there always seems to be something wrong when there are black men who won't date or who are not into dating other black men. I'm talking about those who just cross out an entire race.

It may be a perfectly normal preference. However, most of them are so quick to claim they are not racist... I just think there have to be some kind of psychological or racist underlinings there. What can make a person turned off to an entire race is beyond me, especially when it's your own. How you can say your "preference" is fine and condemn others seems a bit hypocritical.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with not being attracted to black males... I know there are a lot of black males like that. My concern is, why? The problem of color within the black male community is definitely not a new one. Maybe that's why posters like BabiGayPimp are so quick to jump on others. I, like many black males, have struggled for a bit with being darker, accepting it, appreciating it, loving it and getting rid of the idea that lighter is better and that white is the epitome or the standard for attractiveness.

Once again I'm not condemning personal preference. I'm also not ruling out racist, or slightly racist motivations. Most people have at least some racist or prejudice ideas...and it's fine as long as it's realized and doesn't affect your actions. If you can't see the beauty in all races or be open to the possibility of being with any race, your loss, not mine.

P.S. this isn't directed to anyone in particular

Since I'm finding that this forum is becoming open and honest, I will tell all of you this. Since more than 25 years ago I was raped brutallly by an african-American male, then having to testify against him in court. I grew to not be attracted to black men. Plus being pared with having relationships with African American men that never wanted to have a serious Monogamous relationship. Always wanting to fuck around, and still be so called with you! No! I'm a one man, man. Always have been, always will be. I realized that I shouldn't push away other good looking, moral men because of there race not being mine. Not to mention Black men were never attracted to me anyway, and if I did have that experience. It was always about them getting sex and that was it. I never experienced this with other races of men. Mostly Spanish and White dudes. I haven't dated a black man in 17 years, and don't intend too. I've been with my man for 2 years now. I'm happy and it's the best relationship I've ever had in my entire life, and I'm going on 40 now.

 

[kayman23]

To me, and I mean no offense to anyone, but there always seems to be something wrong when there are black men who won't date or who are not into dating other black men. I'm talking about those who just cross out an entire race.

It may be a perfectly normal preference. However, most of them are so quick to claim they are not racist... I just think there have to be some kind of psychological or racist underlinings there. What can make a person turned off to an entire race is beyond me, especially when it's your own. How you can say your "preference" is fine and condemn others seems a bit hypocritical.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with not being attracted to black males... I know there are a lot of black males like that. My concern is, why? The problem of color within the black male community is definitely not a new one. Maybe that's why posters like BabiGayPimp are so quick to jump on others. I, like many black males, have struggled for a bit with being darker, accepting it, appreciating it, loving it and getting rid of the idea that lighter is better and that white is the epitome or the standard for attractiveness.

Once again I'm not condemning personal preference. I'm also not ruling out racist, or slightly racist motivations. Most people have at least some racist or prejudice ideas...and it's fine as long as it's realized and doesn't affect your actions. If you can't see the beauty in all races or be open to the possibility of being with any race, your loss, not mine.

P.S. this isn't directed to anyone in particular

Thank you!

I must say that I have a very weird about way of falling for guys, but I don't base my feelings and attractions on their skin color or ethnicity. I usually only start to fall for a guy after I get to know them and then I start to notice the beauty of their appearance.

I have come to become annoyed by guys who choose to nix out an entire group based on their appearance also. I have just found them to be very shallow or a beacon of deeper issues and I prefer not to divulge any further with them from that stand point. Especially, amongst guys who turn down their people of similar ethnic backgrounds because they are non-white. In this day and age, you would think ethnicity wouldn't matter, but is seems amongst queer men just as much as the rest of society.

I am one who has had attraction to men of all backgrounds and I proud to admit it too. I don't know who or what I wind up with in the end, but I will be happy that person is satisfied with ME and not my skin color or ethnicity as I will feel the same.

 

[kayman23]

Since I'm finding that this forum is becoming open and honest, I will tell all of you this. Since more than 25 years ago I was raped brutallly by an african-American male, then having to testify against him in court. I grew to not be attracted to black men. Plus being pared with having relationships with African American men that never wanted to have a serious Monogamous relationship. Always wanting to fuck around, and still be so called with you! No! I'm a one man, man. Always have been, always will be. I realized that I shouldn't push away other good looking, moral men because of there race not being mine. Not to mention Black men were never attracted to me anyway, and if I did have that experience. It was always about them getting sex and that was it. I never experienced this with other races of men. Mostly Spanish and White dudes. I haven't dated a black man in 17 years, and don't intend too. I've been with my man for 2 years now. I'm happy and it's the best relationship I've ever had in my entire life, and I'm going on 40 now.

I have to be with Huntneo on this, that is a HUGE COP OUT. I'm sorry you were raped/sexually assulted, but there are assholes of all ethnicities and you must realize that. I'm sorry that you have had such experience with other black men, and I've had similar experience with black guys myself. I have encountered just as many whores that are black as I have met that are white, Hispanic, etc., but I just chalk it up as some guys are just whorish, self-centered assholes.

However, I don't use that as a reason. I would date or have a LTR with a guy of any background if he gives me the respect, admiration, and time of day as I would do him.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I have come to become annoyed by guys who choose to nix out an entire group based on their appearance also. I have just found them to be very shallow or a beacon of deeper issues and I prefer not to divulge any further with them from that stand point. Especially, amongst guys who turn down their people of similar ethnic backgrounds because they are non-white. In this day and age, you would think ethnicity wouldn't matter, but is seems amongst queer men just as much as the rest of society.

I am one who has had attraction to men of all backgrounds and I proud to admit it too. I don't know who or what I wind up with in the end, but I will be happy that person is satisfied with ME and not my skin color or ethnicity as I will feel the same.

Beautifully stated kayman23. So much insight and thoughfulness coming from someone so young. Bravo!

This is also one of the reasons I've expended energy and effort battling antiquated throwbacks who, frankly, are "grown" enough to know better! They should be ASHAMED.

At points in this thread, I've been territorial, reactionary and petulant. But that stems from the knowledge that there are genuine undercurrents of racial tension, animosity and trauma beneath placid pronouncements of "personal taste," in race. And I just hate to see those concerns discounted and whitewashed.

It's apparent that younger men, some of whom are just getting used to their gayness, are troubled by the racial trenches and barriers that the rest of us take for granted.

My hope is the old "Jim Cow" racial attitudes of my generation will, eventually, be put out to pasture and our successors will have the chance to explore the worlds beyond the colors.

 

[Caution]

Hey, Guys
i need your help with this one. I am Caucasion and find similar men attractive. It has nothing with race, just personal preference I guess. An Asian buddy of mine accused me of being a racist because I wouldn't have sex with him, but he told a lot of people that I am a racist. Anyone else ever face something like this? Thanks.

He's just mad. I've been accused of being ashamed of my skin color. When I came to the states I got became light in the winter. I became a light tanorexic and I been seen only with minorities.
That does not mean I'm ashamed of being White.

 

[boy0boy]

Hmm either ways people are people. I dont check this thread much because no matter how much you argue and bring up points... you only fall for one person.

Like with tboy34 - he says he's with someone and happy. So does it really matter either way?

 

[Demandred753]

Just out of curiosity, what is someone's "textbook" definition of self-hatred? I have always wondered what this term meant when reading topics concerned with being a minority and gay.

What are some characteristic signs of self-hatred? Is it something that can be recognized within oneself, or must therapy be involved to get to the subconscious root of one's self-hatred?

It's been stated already that exclusively refusing to date someone who is of the same ethnicity is a sign of self-hatred; I'm looking for broader examples that transcend sexual preferences.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

While I do prefer white men to black, I am not at all white washed. In general, my thinking pattern, style, speech, interests, etc fall more in tune with white males.

I have a problem with your presumption that black men who don't find other black men attractive have "underlying issues". There's been so much racial admixture in my family that my features are more Caucasian than black and I grew up quite affluent.

I suppose because my skin is dark and my hair kinky, I should automatically find another "black" man (who probably looks nothing like me) attractive?

I'm sorry to tell you son that you are black to the bone and nothing is going to change that.

You seem to be grasping at anything to lessen your blackness and increase your identification with whites.

You do have underlying issues with your blackness, and that is apparent in your statement about "having white features" and being "more in tune with white males."

These white boys on this site will not tell you what you are and what that really means, because it's really not their place. But I will, brotha.

You are a brother man, not the other man. Child you have been brainwashed and whitewashed, but they can never wash the black off you or out of you. Thank God.

 

[Zildjian]

Sort of like I_Just_Blew_My_Load, I and other [mostly straight black guys] are a world of difference. It's clear that when I come into their presence or vice-versa, that I am an 'outsider' - I simply don't fit in.

I suppose that why throughout my school years that I was made fun of, because my mannerisms, speech, and taste did not fall into the mainstream 'black' culture.

That's why I can't stand where I live because of the abundance of black people that live in my town. When I happen to be at the store and see a couple of black guys together, I turn around the other way. When I see a couple of black girls or a group of them, I turn the other way. In my experience, there's something so uniquely different about me that turns them into a person ready to fire comments of humiliation my way.

Look, I'm a straight-acting, normal man minding his own business. But I suppose that if I don't have oversized jeans hanging off my a**, accompanied with huge gold chains, that come off was a weird 'black' guy.

I miss my old neighborhood, Uptown Dallas. Well, except for the pretentiousness.

 

[Invidious]

I grew up in a small New England town, we were one of 5 black families in the town. So pretty much all of my early relationships were with white guys...they were what was around. However, now that I live in more diverse surroundings I'll date any guy that I find interesting/attractive. Not to judge anyone here..but it does seem really damn limiting to let race be a deal breaker on a date or especially on a friendship.

 

[tallguy297]

Guys,

Please remember that this is a no flame zone and some of the posts here are getting pretty close to crossing the line.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and its no ones else's right or duty to tell them how to think or what they should think.

Please keep the discussion going but try to limit the "lecturing of others". Offer your own thoughts and opinions and leave it at that.

Thanks.

 

[tommyj]

Its been a year!

 

[PlayingwithChance]

Way to resurrect the dead! (Especially since there's an identical living thread on the matter...)

That's like, uh, bringing Einstein back from the dead while Hawking still walks (or wheels around) this Earth

 

[Dakarai]

Can you answer this question?

Are you instintually attracted to caucasian men only or would you be open-minded to cross that racial and ethnic border?

Can you distinguish between preference and attraction - really think about it - If you attracted to something you just are and can't help it, if you perfer something you made a choice as to what you want.

Now you are in your own right to associate with whomever you like, thus the beauty of it .. you can let something happen naturally or you can choose BUT don't let your choices infringe on someone elses life and also don't let other someone elses idea of what beauty be part of a choice you make. The world is very diverse and theres plenty of men. So next time you look at a guy don't think of skin colour because if thats the first thing you think of then I have to say your are driscriminating and being prejudice. So be open-minded in your approach to men .. one last thing skin colour is just skin colour and shouldn't be a big deal.

My Granma who grew up in the colonial times told me that when the Germans colonised Namibia - some of them were racist but the ones that married black women treated them well and there was love. My Great Granpa who is half Polish and German married a Damara women and I am a decendant from his oldest daughter my Granma. Anyway things changed when Namibia came under South African rule, apartheid was introduced and this whole flush of deep-rooted racism was implemented into the hearts of people, people born before 1990 had to have ID badges, only walk in certain areas, there were brutal murders on both sides and wars but for some it was really hard but they defied, learned and made the best of it. SA which got it's independence only in 1994 is still a very oppressed country to be in, it reeks of racism, neo-apartheid etc while here in Namibia its more tribilistic but inter-racial couples and diversity is becoming really rife here - I love that about my country only problem here is that we have so many resources but only a certain group of people benefits and I am not talking of the the ''white'' or ''black'' but of the Oshiwambo - I guess on TV and everything you see here we are being Owambo-washed and White-washed lol so guess thats just a racist and tribilisic world we live in. Anyway I'm ranting sorry lol.

So to conclude - really think about it next time if you attracted or you just perfer (choose) something.

 

[chimere]

First of all, what was the point of bringing back this stupid, old ass topic? Secondly, as has already been established, I am not trying to "lessen my blackness", but rather stating reality.

A number of individuals on this site seem to think that there's something wrong with someone black who finds wide noses, large lips, and rounded features unattractive.

I stated that my features are not that, and that I do not find them attractive.

Despite this, I still realize that I am black, and nothing else. I don't see what the problem is.

And Zildjian, I reached out to you because I told you I lived in north Dallas, and never heard back.

Wait, you mean you're another minority that finds white features attractive? As if you're a unique little (white) snowflake with peculiar tastes as opposed to "black" blacks?

No, you're just another man of colour who has been lured into the white ideal of beauty, whether you like it or not. And I, like many posters in this thread, am tired of having to deal with men of colour who "prefer" anything but their own kind.